Can you see below the surface (Can you see the writer in his poems?)?

Question

I sat at the table

all night long;

I needed to tell you

what's gone wrong.

You never listen

when I speak;

you never know

the things I seek.

I wrote you a poem

so you can understand;

I'll leave this poem here

with a wedding band.

I didn't want to leave

you in the dark.

Here's these few pages

now it's time to depart.

Many hours later

he arrived home

He stood at the table

and read the poem

Like footprints trampling

over a dead leaf,

he could never read

what lies beneath.

He never saw her again

although she was still there

underneath the surface

in front of her chair.

Answer 1

Quite an ending.  I don't now though if you set it up as well in the beginning.  Could be me.  The meter flowed well throughout and rhymes seemed natural.  Still, a very good poem.

Answer 2

Quite a Unique little piece.

Very well put together.

Thankyou so much for sharing!

Answer 3

I have learnt how to love you.

Without you,

where I  go,

And to what I gonna do.

Then why do I still love you?

You're too dark for me,light for me,

Couse you are you

That if i just run away from me to you.

You would just disapear couse you Are You.

With all the poem you've said to me.

I know this won't make any sense to me,

but ,Please just never leave me,

its clear for you and me

And let me understanding you and meeee

Answer 4

Very effective and engaging poem.  It reads very well, very smoothly.  I especially like the last two stanzas.  The imagery there is outstanding, and very sad.  The heart of the matter seems to be in the second stanza, which gives a greater understanding of the relationship. Very moving.  Thank you.

Answer 5

Promising theme, but extremely forced and unnatural in places. Needs a lot of work.

Answer 6

So sad is this , when 2 people change start to  go in different directions, and neither notices, until it's too late!  You portrayed this in your poem well, it was a great story only sad, a person there physically, but not in heart!!  Cheers !!