Can you share your international adoption story?

Question

My wife and I have been trying to have a baby for three years, and we recently lost our fifth pregnancy. I just have some questions about what we should do.

What were the circumstances that led to your decision to adopt?

how do you feel now? I have heard some people say that after a very short time, you don't even think about whether or not that is your biological child; it is just your child.

For some "business" questions now:

We have been to a seminar and it seemed like our choices of countries from which to adopt are very limited due to my being on antidepressant medication. It's basically Colombia or Vietnam. Does anyone have any input on these countries?

Also, how did you finance? We are 3 years into a 30 year mortgage. We have excellent credit and minimal debt (besides the mortgage and car). My employer won't allow me to get a second job. Should we just get a home equity loan? Or is there another good way?

Answer 1

I'm so sorry to hear of the pain you and your wife are going through having lost 5 pregnancies. Adoption is definitely a wonderful way to build your family. For me, adoption was my first (and only) choice for building a family. Like 2 of the previous answerers, I am also a single adoptive mom of a daughter, now 3yrs old. I adopted her from India when she was an infant. In doing research on adoption back in 2003/04, I found there is almost always something that could hinder or slow up an adoption -- for me it was that being single limited my choices of where I could adopt from. A lot of orphanages in India would not consider working with singles. I was very discouraged -- until I found that one agency that welcomed singles wholeheartedly. And that is exactly where I found my daughter! So please don't let the fact that you are on antidepressants discourage you or stop you in your wish to build a family through adoption. But do find a strong and reputable agency to help you (and advocate for you) in the process.

In terms of financing -- keep in mind that you do get a $10,000 tax credit after completing your adoption (that is, a CREDIT, not a deduction!) Just keep all your receipts -- and after the adoption is finalized, you can get $2000 per year off your tax liability for up to 5 years. Pretty cool!

Plus, do a web search for adoption loans and grants. I noticed that some religious groups and foundations actually offer grants for adoption.

Much luck and love to you and your family - you will never regret choosing adoption, if that is how you decide to build your family.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry about your loss. I know that it has been very difficult.

I have three biological children, one adopted from overseas, and we're now in the process adopting another child internationally. I cannot even begin to express to you how miraculous adoption is. All of my children mean the world to me, and I don't love one more than another, but our adoption story was absolutely the most miraculous experience of my life. The second I had my baby in my arms, I would have died for her. She was just as important to me as my other kids. She was just as much mine. It was just amazing and still is two years later. She's SO precious, and we couldn't love her more regardless of how she came to us. I would do it again in a heartbeat. As a matter of fact, we are. We never wanted more than four kids, but it's hard to experience the miracle of adoption only once, so here we go again.

We did a home equity loan, but there are also grants available. One is Shaohannah's Hope. There's also a $10,000 tax credit available that you would receive the year after the adoption is complete--depending on your income.

Feel free to contact me for more information. I'll temporarily set my profile so that you can email me. My husband is involved in adoption ministry and usually has updated information. I'd also be happy to send you a link to a short video about our adoption story.

Answer 3

I am also a single who was 36 years old and wanted to be a mom. I did not have any prospects for marriage and was tired of waiting for Mr Right in order to have children. So I started pursuing adoption.

I adopted my daughter more than three years ago from China. China is now closed to me (and to you due to the antidepressants as I am sure you are aware). My experience was an incredible life changing event. My daughter is THE most precious thing to me in my life. I do not think I could love her more had I given birth to her. I do not look at her and see my adopted daughter, I simply see my daughter. It's difficult for some one who has not experienced adoption at an intimate level to understand sometimes but truly it is as fullfilling as giving birth. Honestly, I don't know if I would have a difficult time conceiving or not. I truly do not care, as long as their are children in this world that need a home, I can be a parent to as many as my finances can afford.

As for the business end of your questions, I did not finance any of my adoption. I started putting the money I knew I would spend on day care, diapers, wipes, formula, etc each week into a savings account. For me and the area I live in that meant $200 or more per week. I spent 8 months paying off all debt. I stopped all non-essencial expenses (having my nails done, internet at home, eating out, unnecessary trips out of town). I stopped it all, paid off all debt (credit cards, student loans, and car payment). I did not own my home, I was a renter. I moved into an apartment and lived well below my means to create excess cash for the adoption. I was able to save $1000 per month but it took some serious cuts in my lifestyle. About the time I was ready to start my paper work for my China adoption China started the singles quotas and I was forced to wait another year as I did not have a slot as a single. Meanwhile I continued to put back that $200 per week.

Unless there is a stay at home parent you can expect to pay at least $200 per week for your child. If you start putting that money back immediately and continue every week for a year you will have $10,400 for an adoption.

Good luck to you and your wife. Adoption is a beautiful experience.

Answer 4

I am a single parent with three daughters adopted from China, ages 16 (adopted at age 10), age 11 (adopted as an infant), and age 5 (adopted at age 4).  Obviously I had a great experience, or I wouldn't have gone back two more times!   I decided to adopt because I was single and 37 years old, and didn't know whether I'd find someone to share the rest of my life with in time to have children.  I am thrilled that I pursued this course of action - my three daughters are absolutely incredible, wonderful young ladies, and yes - I love them just as much as if I had them the "traditional" way.

I have heard that Vietnam is an excellent country to adopt from, and the stay in country is much shorter than Colombia.  You might also want to consider Kazakhstan - the children are just beautiful and well-cared-for.  

A home equity loan is an excellent way to finance your adoption.  That's what I did two out of the three times.  But some lenders may give you an unsecured loan, too.

Good luck - adoption is a wonderful way to build a loving family!

Answer 5

Hi,

I am very sorry to hear about your losses and I do hope that your possible decision to adopt brings you all the joy you should have.

My husband and I have one biological daughter (4 1/2)  and we adopted an 8 month old girl from China . She is now 2 1/2 and we haven't regretted a single day. We just wanted to extend our family this way. Yes, it is correct, they blend, they melt into your children and you are so happy and proud of everything they do. Our adoption experience was wonderful and should we decide to have more children, we would always adopt again. I look at my girls and often marvel as to how I have been so fortunate to be given these 2 beautiful souls to love and to care for and to be loved back.

Acquaintances of mine have adopted twice from Vietnam and they had great experiences and their girls are lovely.

As to finance the adoption, we were in the same boat when we started, good credit and the mortgage for our house. We tried to pay as much as we can from savings at first, which was about 1/3 and then we got a home equity line of credit and took the money from it as needed. We found it was a good choice for us.

Depending on where you live, check out if there is a local organization for families with adopted children (we are here in one for Families with Children from China) you could contact and visit to get more information and see the children for yourself.

I wish you and your wife all the best, good luck and joy with the way you decide to go.

Answer 6

Foreign adoptions are difficult, expensive, and have a lot of red tape. This was our experience. We decided to go a different route.

I adopted my son through   "Birthright".  It is a wonderful organization.  

Let me tell you why:

Birthright works with the pregnant girl all during her pregnancy and clear through her delivery.  Their soul goal is to do what is best for the birth mother and her child. They give her help if she wants to keep her child. She is provided with counseling, support, and different options on how to keep and raise her child.

By the time that these girls have made the decision to adopt their baby's out, because they have been given such wonderful support,  you know that it is a solid decision.  

I would stay away from adoption agency.  Their main concern is money and making the adoptive parents happy.

Good luck on adopting.  I have three children.  The last on is adopted.  There is no difference.  They are all three my children, and I love them equally.

Answer 7

Hi.  We decided to adopt after many years of being unsuccessful in creating a family.  I just could not take the disappointment anymore of each failed attempt so chose adoption as an endeavor with a more predictable outcome.  At first we held onto the idea of adopting a child of the same race as us, then as we learned more decided international adoption would be safer regardless of the race of the child.  I believe it was an experience to open up our world and it had much more to do with creating a family than having a child of the same race.  

We bonded to our child immediately when she was placed in our arms and loved her unconditionally right from the start.  Sometimes now I am glad we could not have a biological child because then we would probably never have our miracle through adoption.  I certainly have not forgotten all the pain we went through on our journey, but I think that allows us to appreciate her even more.  I have never had any regrets and feel so lucky to have this wonderful child as my daughter.

We financed the old fashioned way...thru saving and spending our retirement money.

Sorry I don't have any insight to Columbia or Vietnam.  Best of luck to you as you sort out your options.