Can you tell me a really funny joke?

Question

please no knock knock jokes. lol

Answer 1

what starts with 'f' and ends with 'uck'?

don't know? scroll down!

FIRETRUCK!!!! rofl :]

Answer 2

ok its not great but here goes

d**k chaney walks into president bush's office with some bad news

" George there has been an accident , a bad one "

" Well tell me what happened " george asked

" three Brazilians were killed in a car crash " d**k says

" Oh thats bad " he thinks for a long moment and then asks

" How much is a Brazilian ? "

Answer 3

three blondes walked into a bar

you'd think one of them would have ducked!

haha gets me every time

Answer 4

Alright you ready for this one??

What's GREEN with a RED WHEEL?

GRASS!! I lied about the wheel!!

lol...

Answer 5

knock knock, whos there? ur momma,ur momma who?ur momma is gonna knock u silly if u don open this door lol  

Answer 6

your father. bahahaha

Answer 7

umm...

im sorry mine is too long.

plz give me best answer! i need it im new on here.

Answer 8

My 21-year-old friend tells this one to me all the time:

So a can walks into a bar, and goes

MEEEOOOOWWWW!

Answer 9

knock knock... whoes there??? face... face who... ugly face!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ahahahaaaaaaaaa

Answer 10

KNOCK KNOCK. who's there? YUR FACE! [while yu say this joke to sombody yu gotta smack that person in the face when yu say "yur face" ]

lmao!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 11

Why do bald guys put holes in their pockets??

To run there fingers thru their hair. ;)

sick I know but it gave me a giggle.  

Answer 12

There was this man who worked as a lawn mower for a nursing home. One day he was mowing and he saw 4 naked old woman in the front of the home. He didn't want to tell anybody because he didn't want anyone to know he looked at them.

Then the 4 woman came over and started flirting with him and he said he had to mow. Then we went to the supervisor and told her what happened. She started laughing and he asked her why she was laughing and she said "They are just old prostitutes having a yard sale."  

Answer 13

why couldn't the 13 year old get into the pirate movie???

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cause it raw rated R. hahahhahohohohowhwhwhlelelel> skeet

lmfao

Answer 14

  You're so fat that when you farted at the beach you created a sandstorm.

Answer 15

wat do yu cal a deer whif no eyes

no idea

wat do yu call a deer wif no eyes or feet or legs or hands

still no idea

1-- no eye deer(no idea)

2- the deer is still cuze it cant move so --(still no idea)

Answer 16

okay..this is g*y..but i love this joke...

three potatoes are standing on the corner...how do you know which one is easy???

the one that says I DA HO... have to say it with an attitude

hahahahahahaha

Answer 17

What did the doe say  when she came out of the woods?

I'll never do that for two bucks again.

Ha Ha Ha LMAO

If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims

How do you make a dead baby float?

Add two scoops of ice cream

Answer 18

take a look at this and you will never stop laughing...im still laughing at it....

http://estrip.org/elmwood/users/paul/ima...

but look at it the funny way

Answer 19

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves.

The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle God kept.

The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the money that landed inside the circle God kept.

The rabbi said, "I've got you both beat. I throw ALL the money into the air, and what God wants, God takes!"

Answer 20

Why did the blonde keep opening her freezer and staring at the orange juice?

Because it said "CONCENTRATE".

How does Paris Hilton change a lightbulb?

She climbs the ladder, holds the bulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

Answer 21

What did the girl say when she was having a bad hair day?

YOU ARE BEING VERY KNOTTY!

HILARIOUS RIGHT?! HAHA I KNOW YOU"RE JUST LIKE LAUGHING YOUR ******* *** OFF RIGHT NOW!

Answer 22

INDIANS DON'T USE SADDLES!

A woman from New York was driving through a

remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.An American Indian on

horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.She climbed

up behind him on the horse and then rode off. The ride was uneventful,

except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a

"Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,

yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off. "What did you do

to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.

"Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse,

put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I

wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles"!!!!

Answer 23

read my joke

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-...

Answer 24

I have a funny saying

1995 on kiss fm austin texas road runnerr neh neh

neh means weird noise lol thx for answering mine

Answer 25

learn to speak Chinese/English:

1) That's not right .......................Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man ........................... Dum ***

5) Small Horse ......................... Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach? ............ Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped into a coffee table ........ Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift ........... Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here ................. Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet ........... Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone ................ No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight ................ Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile .......... Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive ........... Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great .................................. Fa Kin Su Pah

Answer 26

2 Turtles were going to the store, the first turtle turned to the second turtle and said, "geez man, I don't know, it's too far, I don't think I'm gonna make it this time." The second turtle woke up and said, "Huh? Who dat? Who dere?"

Answer 27

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.

blondie: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?

blondie: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?

blondie: Because that proves that I have a brain!

Answer 28

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls.

He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice.

"It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool..

They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too little, and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them. I'm telling ya man...you'll have all the babes you want!"

The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato.

Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, "What's wrong now?"

"Lard-Almighty Bubba!" said Billy-Bob, "the tater goes in the front!"

Answer 29

That son of a *****! Funny?

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!"

Answer 30

So there's an employer who hires two people. One named Jack and one named Sarah. They're both very good employees, but one day, the employer realizes that he can't afford to pay both of them and that he needs to let one of them go.

He decides that the best way to do this is to tell both of them his situation and to get them each to tell what they value about their job and why they think they deserve to be the one to keep it.

He sees Sarah leaving her office and says, "Hello, Sarah. Listen, I have a problem. I can't afford to keep both you and Jack working for me. I'm going to have to either lay you or Jack off."

And then Sarah says, "Do you think you could jack off? I have a boyfriend."

Answer 31

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea..

(Say this joke continuously until you get the joke)

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”