Can you tell me some jokes involving philosophers?

Question

Can you tell me some jokes involving philosophers?

Answer 1

hmmm... hard one

Answer 2

To be is to do -- Descarte

To do is to be -- Sartre

Do Be Do Be Do Sinatra

Answer 3

Jean-Paul Sartre invites Immanuel Kant for tea.

  Sartre: I can offer you 2 kinds of tea, Manny- existence and essence.

  Kant: I think I'll have essence please- existence is not a proper tea!

Answer 4

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.

Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?"

"That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do."

Answer 5

      

How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A preposterous question. Obviously, it depends on what sort of philosopher we're discussing. I'm sure this has been done before, but here are my answers:

Pragmatist: Hey, if holding the bulb while four of your friends turn the chair works for you, then that is the right way to change a lightbulb for you.

Empiricist: We can't know how to change a lightbulb, but we can make lists of how big it is, the wattage, the thickness of the glass, the composition of the filiment...

Thomist: When we examine the concept of "lightbulb" one requirement is that it light up. Hence, if it does not light up, it is not a lightbulb. If it is not a lightbulb, there is no reason to change it.

Aristotelean: Changing of lightbulbs can be divided into: manipulation of the old bulb, and manipulation of the new bulb. Bulb manipulation, in turn, can be divided into: Turning motion, raising motion, dropping motion. We cannot understand motion.

Kantian: By understanding the lightbulb-in-itself, it becomes, for us, a new lightbulb.

Platonist: The closer our lightbulb gets to the Ideal Lightbulb, the less it requires changing.

Dialectical Materialist: None. The lightbulb changes because of it's own internal contradictions.

Skeptic: We can't know if we're changing the lightbulb. We can't know if changing the lightbulb is an improvement. In fact, we can't really know if it's dark. Especially with the lights out.

Hegelian: When the lightbulb becomes irrational, it ceases to exist. Insofar as a new lightbulb sheds light on the Absolute Idea, it becomes a rational lightbulb, and comes into being as part of our striving for the rational.

Post-structuralist: By rejecting neo-Enlightment notions that privilege "light," we can conceptualize the relationship between optically-oriented envisioning and those signifiers that address interpretations of post-colonial modernism as an established text within the framework of which, intertextually, we are lead to reject any causal relationship between the operands and the motivators.

Memetics: The speed at which the notion ("a burned out lightbulb should be replaced") has spread is inexplicable unless one looks at the idea itself.

Existentialist: Why change the lightbulb?

Answer 6

Diogenes of Sinope (Greek Philosopher)

Diogenes did little philosophizing, but sought to live an exemplary life of autonomy. He lived in a tub and is said to have taken enormous pleasure in all that he did.

Diogenes did little philosophizing, but sought to live an exemplary life of autonomy. He lived in a tub and is said to have taken enormous pleasure in all that he did.

To continue, please go to:

http://www.benbest.com/philo/diogenes.ht...

The king heard of Diogenes's fame and decided to pay him a visit.  When the met Diogenes he said to him, that he was the king of the land and that he came to visit him to grant him anything in his realm that he desired.  Now, it was a very sunny day and the king was stood before Diogenes blocking the sun.

Diogenes replied to the king, would you please just move a little bit to the right.

Answer 7

Hey Philosopher, do you have a stone? haha! get it!? hahaha PHILOSOPHER'S STONE!? triple hahahahah hehe hohoho hmmmm...

Answer 8

Let me give that some thought.......mmmmm

Answer 9

Not really a joke but try and find Monty Pythons philosophers song its really funny. "Immanuel Kant was a very pissed Ant" is the only line i can remember its all very silly

Answer 10

Some Philosophers' Chat-Up Lines:

JS Mill: "Baby, I want to maximize your pleasure"

Plato: "I'm so warm for your form"

Hegel: "Let's you and me engage in some dialectical synthesis"

Hobbes: "I'm not all savage, brutal and short..."

Darwin: "How about's your and I do some natural selecting?"

Hume: "Imagine you and me, baby, in constant conjunction"

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And, an old favourite of mine:

Hume's girlfriend: David, I'm breaking up with you. I saw you kissing my best friend at the tavern last night, and that's the third time you've cheated on me now!

Hume: Come on baby, you have no rational basis for believing I'll do it again

Answer 11

Descartes said i'm pink therefore i'm spam

Answer 12

Descartes was at a bar just finish a drink. The bartender asked him if he wanted another. He paused to consider it, but then said, "I think not." and then Poof! he ceased to exist.