Can you tell me something funny :)?? 10 points!!!

Question

Tell me jokes, riddles, or funny videos on youtube. I just feel like having a good laugh. Thnx :) xo!!!

Answer 1

joey ''speaking'' french:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=jN1oHGlfQl...

the italian man who went to malta:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=m1TnzCiUSI...

how to be nerd:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ndiRRjCyV_...

Answer 2

poor man:please help me doc i have a hole in my bucket.

doc:so what do i have to do with that.

poor man:plez fix it.

doc:why did u come to me.im a docter.

poor man:ive heard that u were good at plastic surgery.

Answer 3

Ok this is an old one, a guy visits his doctor. The doctor tells him he has two weeks to live. He says I would like a second opinion. The doctor says ok your ugly too.

Answer 4

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.

As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

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A blonde and a brunette are both in an elevator.

On the third floor a man gets on who's perfect: Italian suit, handsome, great build with a nice butt, but unfortunately they both notice he has a bad case of dandruff.

The man gets off on the 5th floor.

Once the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Someone should give him Head & Shoulders."

To which the blonde replies, "How do you give Shoulders?"

Answer 5

Try this:-

(Wise manager) + (Wise employee) = PROFIT(Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) = PRODUCTION(Dumb manager) + (Wise employee) = PROMOTION(Dumb manager) + (Dumb employee) = OVERTIME

Answer 6

this youtube link is sooooooooooooooooooooooo funny. you have got to see it. dont forget to see the jokes too!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp6_J9JJa...

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

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Blonde Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

======================================...

: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run! She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

A: I'll tell you tomorrow.

Q: Why can't the blonde make ice cubes?

A: She lost the recipe.

Q: How do you hit a blonde so she will never know it?

A: With a thought.

Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

A: The noise gave her a headache.

Q: How does a blond know if she's on her way home or on her way to work?

A: She opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it.

Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?

A: Knock on the door.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?

A: The instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go to heaven. There the find hundred steps and god tells them that they have to climp each step and on each step he will tell them a joke and if they laugh they have to start over. First the brunette ngoes she starts laughing on the 1st step. Next the redhead goes she reaches till the 25th step and starts laughing. The blonde goes next. SHe reaches till the 99th step and bursts out laughing. When she goes down the brunette and redhead ask her why did she laugh on the 99th step. The blonde says that i understood the 1st joke!

Answer 7

Three nuts decide to rob a bank.So they get to the bank at night with everything ready.They decide to devide the work amongst them.So,the first one gets in the bank and robs the cash,the second one stands as a guard outside so that nobody comes,the third one goes to the nearest phonebooth and calls the cops.

3 presidents meet at a seaport to decide who should rule the earth.The British , the American and the Chinese.They go on talking but it wasnt decided.So they said the country who's people are bravest will rule.The British president throws his wallet into the sea and orders his guards to get it back.The guards jump in and get it back from 100 feet below.The British president says in pride "See the guts?" Then the American president throws his pen and orders his guards to get it back,and they get it back from 200 feet below.The American president says "See the guts?" Now the Chinese president looks around for something to throw,and he throws his tie and orders the guards to get it back.The guards reply "U think we r ur father's servants? Get it urself a*****e?". And the Chinese president says "SEE THE GUTS?"

Once a young girl enters a clothes shop and asks the guy to get her a cool bra.So the guy brings one.She asks the price and the guy says $20.She says thats too much, get another one.SO he gets it,and she asks the price again and the guy says $15.She says thats too much, get another one.The guy brings it and again she aks and he say $10.She says thats too much, get another one.The guy gets another one and again she asks and he says $5.She says thats too much, get another one.He gets it and she asks again and he says $2.And again she says thats too much.The guy drinks a soft drink and tells his son to get the lady 2 bottle caps and a rubberband.

Once a well known famous thief was walking by the road having just robbed a bank.A cop comes by in his cruiser and asks the thief to get in.The thief says 'No thanx, I live nearby."

A drunk man calls a cab and gets in.He tells the cab driver to take him to the beach.The cab driver say " This is the beach."The drunk guy comes out , hands $50 to the driver and says "Thanx , but dont drive so fast."

Who do u think will cry longer? A guy who falls from 10 storey buildind or a guy who falls from 1 storey building?

Answer: The guy who falls from the 1 storey building is gonna cry more, coz he's gonna break his leg or few other bones and keep on crying for weeks.And the guy who falls from 10 storeys is gonna cry untill he hits the ground and then dies.

Once a nuts was sitting in his 100 storey high office.A guy came in rushing and said "MATT ! ur daughter committed suicide." The nuts guy jumps out of the window crying out.When he reached 50th storey,he remembered that he didnt have a daughter. When he reached 25th storey, he remembered that he was not even married , when he reached 5th floor, he remembered that he was not even MATT !.

A poor begger once goes to a man asks him for help.The man gives him 0.25 cents.The beggars says sir plz be kind its very cold give me some more.The man tells him to go and drink coffee and u will be warm.Th beggar leaves,he comes by a shop and buys a button.He then goes to a tailor and asks him to stich a coat into it.

Once a guy comes rushing to his friend and tells him " Ur neighbour is kissing ur wife." This guy filled in anger and jealousy runs home and comes back after 15 minutes.And tells his friend "a*****e , u made me run for nothing.That wasnt my neighbour."

I hope u laughed and enjoyed. THANX for the ten points that ur gonna award me with.

Answer 8

Q: WHY DID THE GIRL CROSS THE ROAD???

A: SHE HAD HER HAND STUCK UP THE CHICKEN'S BUM.

THERE WAS A BLONDE SAT IN A IN A TREE VERY HIGH UP.

BAD NEWS, SHE FELL.

GOOD NEWS, THERE WAS A HAMMOCK UNDERNEATH HER.

BAD NEWS, THERE WAS A RAKE UNDERNEATH THE HAMMOCK.

GOOD NEWS, SHE MISSED THE RAKE.

BAD NEWS, SHE MISSED THE HAMMOCK AS WELL.

I'LL E-MAIL YOU IF I GET ANYMORE.