Can you write an amusing story that includes,though is not limited to, 6 of these JAWS lines?

Question

This is just for the pure fun of being creative.

The story can be about anything you wish.

1. Front; BOW! Back; STERN! s***w it up and I'll throw

your *** out the little window in the side!

2. I'm familiar with the fact that you are going to ignore this particular problem.

3. Fellows, let's be reasonable, huh?

4. Right arm has been severed above the elbow with massive tissue loss in the upper musculature... partially denuded bone remaining...

5. GOD HELP ME, PLEEEAAAAASE!

6. It wasn't Jack the Ripper ! It was _______________.

7. What d'ya have there - a portable shower or a monkey cage?

8. Ya idiot ! Ain't you watchin' it?

9. Hmmmmm.....Fascinating. Want a pretzel?

10. Boys,...... oh boys.......

11. You got any BETTER suggestions ?!

12. Uhhhh..... I got no spit.

Answer 1

The summer we rented a house boat will live in my memory forever.  To start with, Brad said I had to know the language of the seas.  (We're not going on the seas.  We're just floating down the Mississippi.)  But I agreed anyway.  He informed me that the front of the boat was the 'bow' and the back was the 'stern'.  So, being the comic I am, I curtsied and straightened with a defiant expression on my face.  (He takes his boating seriously)  "FRONT...BOW!  BACK..STERN!  s***w IT UP AND I'LL THROW YOUR *** OUT THE LITTLE WINDOW IN THE SIDE!," he stormed.

"That 'little window in the side' is called a port hole," I teased.

"Be serious," he snapped.  "I'M FAMILIAR WITH THE FACT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO IGNORE THIS PARTICULAR PROBLEM," he added evenly.  "But you need to know the proper terminology!"

"But don't forget too, that this trip is supposed to be for fun and relaxation," I smiled trying to inject some camaraderie into the situation.  "Are you gonna drill all this into John and Mary too?"

"Fellows, FELLOWS, LET'S BE REASONABLE, HUH?," John interrupted as he and Mary came up the gang plank.  "We could hear you two all the way down the dock," he added with a laugh.

Brad took one look at their luggage and started laughing.  "WHAT D'YA HAVE THERE...A PORTABLE SHOWER OR A MONKEY CAGE?"

John rolled his eyes heavenward.  "GOD HELP ME, PLEEEAAAASE!"  ," he breathed.

"BOYS.....OH BOYS....," Mary cut in.  "We're here to have fun, remember?"

We were all setting off on a bad note but, with determination in mind to make the best of this little venture, we set out.  Little did we know that dinner would bring on another confrontation.

"What happened to these venison steaks?!," Mary laughed.  "They look like something Jack the Ripper would come up with.!"

"IT WASN'T JACK THE RIPPER!  IT WAS Brad the Deer processer," I laughed.  "He decided to save money and process it himself this year."

So, first night everyone turned in on a sour note.  But tomorrow would be better we all swore.  We were determined to have a fun relaxing vacation if it killed us!

Bright and early next morning, the guys decided to catch breakfast by fishing off the side of the houseboat.  I strolled out on deck with my cup of coffee and leaned on the side next to Brad.  The morning air was cool and fresh.  Birds were chirping and twittering in the trees on shore.  I felt calm and at peace with the world.

"Would you hold my pole for a minute?," John asked.  "I need to go inside for a minute."

"Sure thing," I smiled back as I took the pole.  I relaxed against the side with my line dangling in the water feeling as one with nature.  "Nice out here, isn't it?," I commented to Brad.

"YA IDIOT!  AIN'T YOU WATCHING IT?!," Brad almost yelled.

"Watching what?!," I asked in alarm.

"Your cork!," he yelled.  "It went under!  Jerk it out!  Quick before you lose the fish!"

I jerked back hard.  The line came zinging out of the water.  Brad ducked just in time to prevent being hit in the face by the blob danging on the end.  I looked down at the mangled frog lying on the deck.  It's RIGHT ARM HAD BEEN SEVERED ABOVE THE ELBOW WITH MASSIVE TISSUE DAMAGE LOSS TO THE UPPER MUSCULATURE...PARTIALLY DENUDED BONE REMAINING!   I leaned over the side and lost what remained of last night's 'Venison Steak ala Jack the Ripper' while Brad swore to himself.

John returned as I was finishing my little episode.  He looked at me and then down at the gorey remains of their once live bait.  "HMMMMM....FASCINATING.  WANT A PRETZEL anyone?," he asked nonchallantly.   "We have any more frogs?," he asked over at Brad.

"'fraid not," Brad answered.  "You'll have to use what remains of that one."

"But it's dead and all torn up,  I need more live bait.  The fish will never bite this." John answered.  "YOU GOT ANY BETTER SUGGESTIONS?!"

"You can spit on it," John suggested.  "I don't know how that works but it does sometime.  Fishermen have been doing that for ages."

"UHHHH...I GOT NO SPIT.  I been eating these salty pretzels." John returned.

Once more I had to lean over the side and thus was the pattern of my vacation!

Answer 2

probably

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