Can you write an amusing story that includes,though is not limited to, 6 of these lines?

Question

1. You drank all the booze in Nevada! Try Arizona.

2. I think I should warn you - I have a sword in my bag.

3. Mom, the Devil is not in your kitchen.

4. Your love life is like a Noel Coward play... with hockey!

5. Why does everyone think I'm paranoid? Do you discuss this behind my back?

6. WHY did I gave up analysis? Because I went SANE, of course......

Pip pip and doodly do.

7. YO ! Check it..... I'm through with love.

8. Our maid? Oh,she's very sweet. I think she was Hitler's maid at Berchesgarden.

9. And I have the missing ovaries to prove it!

10. GAWD!! What on EARTH is that green slime you're eating? It looks like a dish out of Oliver Twist.

11. I know this is an awkward time to bring it up, but I must know.

12. You're not a first-class passenger. You're a first class

JACK ***!!

Answer 1

“GAWD!!  What on EARTH is that green slime you’re eating?  It looks like a dish out of Oliver Twist.”, squeamished Charlotte with an involuntary curling of her upper lip.

“Moh, plaise.”, petitioned Edward with plaintive innocence while warily raising his bowl toward the pretended Headmistress, Charlotte.  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€ÂœActually,…aheh, heh...  I should warn you – I have a sword in my bag. ”, continued Edward rubbing his hands menacingly now adopting a sly smile and sinister manner. “…I eviscerated Brunhilda.  You remember Brunhilda?  Our maid?  Oh, she’s very …sweet (mmmm)!  I think she was Hitler’s maid at Berchesgarden.   …ground up her innards.  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€Â¦Ssssschluuuurp!”  Edward emphatically sucked in another spoonful and left the spoon sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he chewed making the handle waggle up and down while a trail of the swill seeped out of the corner of his mouth and dripped from his chin.

“Oh, you did not!”, protested Charlotte with disgust while Edward really  warmed up to his new persona.

“Aye, bu’ I di’ …Milady.  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€Â¦An’, I ‘ave the missin’ ovaries to prove it!  Wanna see ‘em?  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€Â¦Make a rite fine necklace they will, too.  YO!  Check it…”

“I’m through with love like this.”, moaned Charlotte.  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€ÂœWhy must you constantly …perform, play a part, make a joke out of every little thing?  Our love life, …Pfffft!  As if I had any real part in it… …no… YOUR love life is like a Noel Coward play …with hockey!  Why can’t you just be yourself …for one minute?!”, demanded an increasingly exasperated Charlotte.  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€ÂœÃ¢Â€Â¦WHY did I give up analysis?”

“Because I went SANE, of course…  Pip, pip and doodly doo!  There was that, plus …you drank all the booze in Nevada.  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€Â¦Try Arizona, now, should we?”

“EDW-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-RD!”

Answer 2

"Mom, the Devil is not in your kitchen," said Toby.

"Oh thank GOODNESS," sighed Helen.

"It's Anubis, the Egyptian god of the dead.  And he's eaten the rest of the zucchinni bread!"

"Aaaieeee!!" screamed Helen, bolting out of the house.   The cold darkness of night engulfed her like a lover.  A really big, dark lover with crickets.

"I think I should warn you," said Toby, "I have a sword in my bag."

Anubis ignored the youth and kept eating the last crumbly remnants of Helen's zucchinni bread.  Moments later, Aprhodite materialized from behind the dishwasher.

"GAWD," the Goddess of Love shouted, "What on EARTH is that green slime you're eating?  It looks like a dish out of Oliver Twist."

"It's zucchinni bread," muttered Anubis, wiping the crumbs away with a sleek, sinewy forepaw.  He smelled her breath. "You drank all the booze in Nevada!  Try Arizona."

"Cretin," hissed Aphrodite, "I partook of some Nectar of the Gods.  Ambrosia.  Zeus would have your head for such insol --"

"Entirely different pantheon," said Anubis dismissively, "can't touch me."

Aphrodite turned and saw the awestruck Toby staring at her, cradling a toy Jedi light saber which hummed and popped, due to dying batteries.

"I know this is an awkward time to bring it up, but I must know..." said Toby, trembling, "are you as turned on by me as I am turned on by you?  You're super hot!  You make Sandra Bullock look like Eleanor Roosevelt!"

"Yo!" barked Aphrodite, pushing the lovestruck teen to the kitchen floor, "Check it....I'm through with love.  And I have the missing ovaries to prove it!" She gracefully walked over to the window, her curvaceous, supple body highlighted by the morning light.

"Come on," sighed Anubis, finishing the rest of Toby's pizza from the previous night, "let's go.  We're going to be late for the meeting."

"You two are going to a meeting?" gasped Toby.  "What kind?"

"Deities Anonymous," answered the black, jackal-headed god.  "After your reign passes, it's usually off to the unemployment assistance office and the therapist to wean yourself off any pretense of spiritual embodiement.  We're new...at least compared to some of those Aztec guys."

Aphrodite and Anubis made tracks out the back patio door.   Toby could not help but follow them.

"WHY did I give up analysis?" asked Aphrodite, noting the freckled, slack-jawed youth stalking her down the street, "Because I went SANE of course....sane enough to know this mundane life of mortals will never compare to what I had before."

"Your love life is like a Noel Coward play," retorted Anubis.  "With hockey!  You've been seeing everyone from Loki to that pygmy god whose name people can't say right to save their lives. "

"Pip pip and doodly do," said Aphrodite.  "You're just jealous."

"I'm more of a Minerva-type of guy," said the Egyptian god, "she's got brawn and brains."

"And a neck thick as a stump."

"Now who sounds jealous?" chided Anubis.

"Can I carry your veil?" shivered Toby, walking dangerously close to Aphrodite.  "I promise, I won't drool on it.  Much."

Aphrodite eyed the damp veil in dismay.  "Ewww, just keep it," she said, lifting the fabric off her to Toby's delight.  "Now scram before I get Mars and Beelzebub on your case."

Toby shrieked in delight and ran down the street to show his friends back at the public library.  Aphrodite and Anubis kept on, relieved to be free of the boy.

============

"Our maid?  Oh, she's very sweet.  I think she was Hitler's maid at Berchesgarden," said Mrs. Gillofson.

"The name's Dite.  Aphro Dite," scowled the maid. She resumed dusting the knick-knack shelf while the reception resumed.  She cursed Anubis under her breath for not writing a stronger recommendation for her job profile.  As the partiers mingled, she shot a furious glance at Minerva, tending bar.

"Neck thick as a stump, eh?" smiled the warrior goddess from behind a row of Manhattans.  "It pays to be kind, sweetheart."

Well, thought the former goddess of love, it beats what Apollo wound up doing.  Three years into retirement and the Sun God was STILL peddling time-shares off of Long Island, somewhere.  

Aphrodite resumed her chores, and daydreamed of happier times.  It was only momentarily ruined by seeing Toby prance by wearing her veil in a manner that made her think the boy also needed a therapist.

END

Answer 3

Wait for me Sunshine....I have a story brewing.

EDIT:

Brian took a deep breath then swallowed his vodka on the rocks. He tried to tell his boss just how afraid of flying he was, but did he listen? Of course not.

And now here he sat in his first class seat five minutes after take off. "L.A." here I come"

He was just about to summon the stewardess for another drink when his seatmate, a young jock spoke up:

("I think I should warn you-I have a sword in my bag.")

Brian turned to him, pale faced "Excuse me?"

"Ha ha! Dude, you should have seen the look on your face! I was kidding. Just wanted to break the ice with you.."

"Yeah, that was real funny." Brian kept looking for the stewardess.

The jock held out his hand. "I'm Caleb."

Sighing Brian introduced himself..this was going to be a long flight.

Later, as Brian was nodding off, he suddenly felt a jab in his side.

"Hey, you sleeping?"

Brian opened his eyes to Caleb holding a photo two inches from his nose.

("Yo! Check it..I'm through with love.) This is my ex, Delilah.

She cheated on me with my cousin can you believe it!?"

Brian pushed the photo away from his face. "Please, I was trying to sleep."

Caleb stared at the photo..She said my cousin was more of a man than I was..Can you believe that? I mean look at me? I  am all man! (And I have the missing ovaries to prove it!)

Just then a stewardess walked by and Brian grabbed on to her jacket. "Excuse me"

"Yes sir?" She asked bending towards him.

"Are there any empty seats on the plane?" He whispered. "I'd like to change seats."

"But sir, you're in first class"

"I..don't..care..Please check for me."

The stewardess sighed. "Okay sir, now please let go of my jacket."

Brian turned back to his seatmate who was talking on the phone "Relax..relax..come on (Mom, the Devil is not in your kitchen.) You forget to take your meds again? Uh huh..what? No I'm not paranoid. I just asked you about your meds..You sound just like Dad. (Why does everyone think I'm  paranoid? Do you discuss this behind my back?)

Oh yeah? Well I'm going to ask my seat mate Brian what he thinks..hold on.."

On hearing his name, Brian shot from his seat and head towards the back of the plane, meeting the stewardess on the way. "Find a seat for me yet?"

"Yes, I was just coming to get you, there's an empty one but unfortunately it's in Coach.."

"That's fine, show me where it is."

A minute later he was seated next to a fine looking elderly gentleman. The smiled politely at each other then Brian slowly settled in, closing his eyes for some much needed sleep.

Suddenly, he felt a nudge from his elderly seat mate.

"Yes?" Brian asked.

The elderly gentleman winked at him "(Why did I give up analysis? Because I went SANE of course...Pip pip and doodly do!") Then he slowly leaned over and kissed Brian on the cheek.

"Stewardess!!" yelled Brian.

The stewardess rushed over. "Is there a problem sir? Please lower your voice."

Brian handed her a hundred dollar bill.

"Vodka..as much as this will buy...please...hurry."

Answer 4

1 No. It's gramatically incorrect and in a setting I would never use.

2 Maybe, although I think it's implausible that a sword would fit into a bag, and even if it did, it wouldn't be much use in there.

3 I would say "Mum", not "Mom" but, maybe. It's an interesting line.

4 Cute line but I don't relate to hockey so would find it difficult to have a character talk about it.

5 Oh, that's a very cute line. I'd love to use that in a story.

6 Very nice line, though I probably wouldn't use the pip pip and doodly do.

7 Nah. Wouldn't use that line.

8 Nice line but it makes me wonder about the setting. Don't have maids, particularly in this century and this country, and she'd be very old, unless it was set in the 50s or 60s. Still don't relate to maids.

9 Man, I'd love to start a story with a crazy line like that.

10 No. I'd never use a line like that. I think of Oliver as having eaten thin gruel or greyish porridge, not something green and slimy.

11 Looks like a warning for an info-dump.

12 Why on earth has the word jacka$s been *'d out? How ridiculous. It's a perfectly clean word for a male donkey and this silly site has got carried away. Nice line though and I bet there is a world of flight attendants who've bitten their tongues when they've wanted to say it.