Cannot get over him!!!?

Question

I met a guy at the beginning of 2007, and my sister and I became friends with their whole family. The guy named James; he and I became extremely close and I fell in love with him. I'm not sure if he fell in love with me, but I know there was something there. He came over and under the blankets while watching a movie were playing gentle footsies - like rubbing feet (it's better than it sounds lol) but he had a girlfriend at the time. I ended up with someone else as well and we didn't hang out anymore. Then we both became single again and hung out. He wanted me to go camping with him during 2007 Christmas but I couldn't make it. Early this year I visited him and we were doing the footsies thing again and were snuggling together during a movie. Then a week later he came over my place and did the same thing but finally kissed me and held my hand and kissed me goodbye. It didn't feel like a hookup but like he wanted to begin a relationship. He invited me over a couple of days later and was so sending sweet messages to me, but unfortunately I couldn't get there (he lives 45minutes away from me). Then he sort of just stopped messaging me. I didn't want to be rushed into a relationship but I wanted to know what that night meant so I sent him a text message and he didn't reply. He didn't talk to me for a week and I was telling his mum about it (she was my boss) and she told him to talk to me so he did via msn and said he didn't want to 'ruin our friendship. That we'd never be the same if we dated and broke up.' A couple of weeks later he invited me to his 18th where he had a new girl and was like making out with her in front of me :( He eventually found another girl and began dating her and still is, while I found another guy but recently broke up with him. I'm not sure what to do because I still have insane feelings for him. Even though I was hurt by him I still want to one day be with him. I haven't seen him since his 18th in February, I hardly even talk to him now even. Even through my last relationship I'd think of how it may have been if we ended up dating. I just don't know what to do. I tried getting over him and it didn't work but it seems that a relationship between us won't work either. I doubt he even thinks about me anymore. What should I do?

Sorry about the really long story :s

Answer 1

Hi Abbey,

Seems that you are really serious about the relationship with James.

Well, I am not a dating expert, neither I believe in many relationships.

But sometimes its not upto us - my experience as a male.

I dated only one girl and we are happily married since last 1 year.

Looks like you are in your 20s from your writing style.

Playing around footsies doesn't mean that the guy is in love with you.

Generally, emotional guys are easy to understand.

I would suggest you to talk to him clearly and express your love feelings. Instead of keeping in mind. And be practical with his answers.

If you want a long term relationship (getting married) with your man, the first thing you should do is clear your thoughts with him without any hesitations. While doing so, keep one thing in mind that - you should not broke into tears and feel sad if he says NO.

Because now a days I see relationships don't work unless there are strong "Love" feelings from both sides. I mean, the girl and boy - both should have feelings for each other.

I have seen many guys just play with girls, they are not serious, just want to play with their bodies. In technical terms this is called "lust".

Your questions should make judgements of his current relationship with his current girlfriend. Go ask him for a dinner on any weekend or whatever suites your timings. "READ" his body language. Look into his eyes while you are talking. Do not stare. If he is serious he would say upfront, or he might ask you more time to answer.

Again, be practical with his answers. If he says "Yes" then you got your dream partner. But if he says "No", that doesn't mean that there are no guys on this planet who are good guys in thinking and relationships.

All the best.

SM