Cant do this anymore,please help-women only?

Question

i went out last saturday night,i got really drunk and i knew i was arguing with my friend-she threw me out but i didnt know why-yesterday i found out-id been kissinga guy at her house-im married!! my aunty told my husband and then she told me-im absolutely gutted,my husband says to put it down to experience but i feel soo bad-even though i cant remember a thing about it,just knowing is enough,i dont know what to do-i dont know if i can live with this-also we live in a small town and i think i will be outcasted by everyone there

help ,

Answer 1

You had a blackout.  A blackout is basically where your body has consumed way too much alcohol and you have affected your brains ability to remember things.  The concentration of alcohol was extremely high and that in and of itself is a dangerous thing.  While what happened was not good be thankful that you weren't behind the wheel of a car or in the house of someone you didn't know.  People have done all sorts of dangerous things in blackouts.  I would suggest highly that you take a look at your drinking, blackouts are not a normal part of life for most people.  Perhaps you have a problem with alcohol.

Answer 2

Even though you feel bad now hun dont worry as pretty soon it will be just water under the bridge. At least your husband is so understanding about it.

Answer 3

You've got a good hubby there, forget about it.

Answer 4

If you are getting drunk to the point where you can't remember what you are doing, you have a problem.  So your husband is not mad? Can't tell since you are talking choppy.  If your husbands not mad, fck it, gone on with yoru life and stop drinking.

Answer 5

While cheating isn't such a nice thing to do, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.  We all make mistakes.  It's not cool to use the "I was drunk" card, however alcohol does tend to make us more daring, flirty, horny, etc.  and we tend to behave differently than we normally would when we consume alcohol, and may not always use our best judgement then.  If you had been sober, you probably wouldn't have cheated on him but there must be a reason why you did.  Only you can answer that.  You are very lucky to have a husband that isn't very angry over this or making an issue out of it.  I don't know of many guys that would just give their wife a tiny "slap on the wrist" and say "put it down to experience."  It's actually a bit strange to me.  The important thing ISN'T  "not to make any mistakes" but to learn from our mistakes and to not repeat them again; to better ourselves.  Nobody's perfect. :)

Answer 6

Put it down to experience and get over it. If your husband isn't that bothered by it then you shouldn't be either. Apologise to him and don't get that drunk again.

Answer 7

You have a pretty understanding husband. I think you should stop drinking. IT is called blacking out

Answer 8

If your husband has accepted this and is willing to let it go I'd say that was the most important thing. Your family will be the same , as for the rest I know where your coming from as I also live in a small villiage and the back biting and gossip is rife. I just do my own thing, go my own way an sod what anyone thinks as long as I'm hurting no one and the people I value know me then sod the narrow minded gossip mongers :)

Answer 9

Why in the world are you going out WITHOUT your husband? You do know your setting yourself for situations you obviously cannot control (drinking and kissing, flirting, etc)?  The most important thing in this whole situation is that your husbands response to you "put it down to experience" and DO SO. It sounds like he's forgiven you and since he has, you must forgive yourself. Once you can do this, you will not have the guilt on your shoulders your carrying around. This works only if your serious about not repeating the behavior and staying with your husband. As for everyone in the small town, it's not about them, its about you and hubby, so stand tall girl and learn from your mistake!

PS: limit your alcohol intake....it helps.

Love,

Aunt Nancy  

Answer 10

Stop drinking, that might be a good place to start!

Answer 11

take it as a lesson learned. go with your husband to the guy you kissed and tell him you didnt know what you were doing,your sorry,and it will never happen again. if people start talking, take it one day at a time and prove to everyone that matters that your not like that and hold your head high and dont worry. what really matters is what you and your husband think of you. the others in your town are just people and will talk about someone else soon enough.

Answer 12

the best lessons are learned by making mistakes.  so you made a big mistake.  i'm sure from now on you will be extra-careful about how much you drink and knowing that your behavior is likely to be inappropriate when you do drink too much.  if you must have cocktails or whatever, just stay home and enjoy a glass or two there with your husband, then he can be the one you kiss.

if anyone ever says anything about this you just say "omg i was SO wasted that night, that was pretty funny wasn't it".  and then change the subject.

it takes a few weeks to die down, then before you know it, it's just a funny story about that time "michelle got so wasted".

you messed up, you apologized, and your husband forgives you.  just make sure you never do anything that stupid again.

Answer 13

If your husband is able to move past it, then you should move past it as well. Like you said in your updates, you do not drink regularly and will not drink again unless you are with you husband.

If it will make you feel better, do something nice for your husband and make it up to him.  

Answer 14

Sounds like you need to lay-off the sauce, your husband seems to be a forgiving type.  You did wrong, pay the price, then move on.  They will forget about you once someone else comes along to talk about.

Answer 15

I would say stop drinking, but the reality is that you probably wont.  You definitely need to slow down on drinking.  If your husband is willing to forgive you, then don't take it so hard on yourself.  Living in a small town is hard, I know from experience, it will take some time but eventually it will heal over.  I would talk to your friend about the situation and see if you can patch your friendship, she probably feels as though you knew exactly what you were doing.  You might want to consider talking to a therapist about your problem, he or she may be able to open your eyes further to see why this really happened.  Best of luck!

Answer 16

I think that you should take a deep breath. The important thing is that your husband isn't packing his bags.

Small town are all the same, they will only talk about you till next weekend and someone else does something stupid. Don't stress. Who gives a sh*t what anyone else thinks anyway. You and your husband are the important ones.

Answer 17

Do me a favour and spare me the lame excuses about your alcoholism.  If you get drunk to the point where you aren't in control of what you do and can't remember what you did later - guess what cupcake - you ARE an alcoholic.  If you are serious about being shocked and gutted at your own behaviour, prove it by getting some professional help with your drinking problem.

Answer 18

Dear Sacred,

You sound naive and young! First, if your married why were you out drinking without your husband?  Your not single anymore, u don't have any business at a bar or club without your husband.  You have to take responsiblity for putting your self into temptation.  

Second, if it was fine with your husband to go out to bar, then you should of had one or two drinks not get wasted.  If you can be honest with yourself, something is wrong in your marriage that you sought out booze, a man and got drunk enough to black out?

Third I would be worried by your husband reaction. If he doesn't get alittle upset about you making out with another man then you have real problems in your relationship with him.

If you can't control your drinking, then don't do it at all.  If you cannot have fun and enjoy company without being drunk then you have an alcholol problem.  You should be upset, you betrayed your husband, your marriage vows and need to take responsiblity for your actions. Don't blame the booze, figure out why you did it.  Why you had to get drunk, and stop worrying about other people.  Concentrate on you and your husband and why he doesn't give a c**p?  Maybe your in more trouble with your marriage than you think.

Answer 19

you got your horn on when drinking

most peeps get their beer muscles on  

Answer 20

Hey, calm down!!  Im sure it'll be fine.  Its not your fault, when you're drunk you can't control the things you do.  If you sit down with your husband and explain just how sorry you are, im sure he'll be fine.  Do the same with your friend as well, she'll understand :)

Answer 21

Blame it on drinking too much & try to stop doing that, you can see what it has done to you, although kissing isn't a sin! but next time???  

Answer 22

ok, now your husband seems to  sort of ok about it...thats good. that certainly helps. as for everyone else in the town..the strangers...well, just deny it!........deny deny deny!.......you never have to admit it!, is between you and your husbandm if people talk then they will talk, until the next 'scandal' comes around...there is nothing you can do about it, its in the past!......you can worry all day, and avoid eye contact with people..and all that, but it still changes nothing. it happened, you learned form it, now you got to move on. ignore peoples comments, shrug them off.......dont forget, this guy also kissed you!, he could see the ring on your finger,  could see you were drunk!...was he married also?.......he is gonna be hanging his head in shame too!...

move on hunni, and like i said, shrug off any nasty comments, people can be cruel, you have your husband by your side, thats the main thing.............. chin up :)

Answer 23

you first need to APOLOGIZE to all involved for you behavior in YOUR DRUNKEN state. than you need to accept the FACT that you have a DRINKING PROBLEM. YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC and YOU NEED HELP. you need to find the closest AA support meetings in your area and attend them and you need to seek some professional help to find out why you feel that you need to drink to get drunk than do things that you dont remember and are embarrassed about when you find out SOBER. you are drinking like that to hide some issues you are avoiding. but the bottom line is that the issues are still there when you wake up the next morning from this drunken state. you have a wonderful husband who is not judging you for your actions when you are drunk. so you really need to thank him and apologize to him and STOP DRINKING and seek HELP ASAP.

Answer 24

We all make mistakes as long as something is learnt it will be ok. It will all blow over eventually.

Answer 25

This might be the kick in the butt you need to motivate you to stop drinking. Just remember the next time you go to grab a drink.  

Answer 26

If your husband has near on forgot about it then im sure you can. are you worried he might now do the same?!? Its hard to have a total blank out when your drunk tho, if your really cant remember maybe you were spiked?!?

Answer 27

I'mm only talking from exp. stop drinking, its always easier said then done...I know. but if you cannot remember the incident then its time to stop. what if more than that would of happen...you would not have remembered.. A word to the wise....STOP DRINKING

Answer 28

I think you feel worse because he is being so understanding. However, having been cheated on by my husband, I think there is NO excuse for your behavior.

What to do? Only drink with your husband, treat him like the respectful man you married, and pray he doesn't eventually leave you over this.

Good Luck! Your going to need it.

Answer 29

I'm afraid that you may be using very poor judgement when you drink.

Either get a handle on it or expect worse things to come. I hope your

situation works out.

Answer 30

please dont worry you havnt killed anyone and now your husband knows its all ok   next week theyl be talking about somebody else... just try to get over it i know its hard as its so fresh but remember this lifes too short and you cant be judged all the time you are entitled to 1 mistake so go out get dressed up with your man and let everyone see your together and then theyl not be so bothered... youve got a good man by the awy.x liz

Answer 31

I think when you cant control ur self or ur actions...u must STOP drinking...anything thats get the better of you ...do not indulge.

Let bygones be bygones...move on with a pledge not to drink again