Cardigans are coming back in, right?

Question

I sport a Cardigan. A Peter Scott Lambswool.

Classy, plain Navy Blue with fake Tortoise Shell Buttons.

Yet, I keep finding things like Biscuits, Victory V's, Humbugs, broken match heads, bit's of tissue, balls of fluff and so on.

The other day, I had a rummage and felt something most strange, soft yet firm, almost pulsing with a life of it's own. Ah! Yes, I remembered I had placed a Papa New Guinean Midget in there as a present for my Wife.

Just like Willy Wonka and his Oompa Bulbheads, or whatever they are called.

I had purchased one of these little Rascals from the Amazon.

And there he is now, standing in the corner of my room like a proud little Soldier.

In all his little Warrior's attire, and his bottom lip stretched outwards to the size of a Starter Platter. He cuts a Noble figure indeed.

My Wife is enthralled and won't leave the room unless she gives him a little cuddle and such. Bless.

Question is mind, whilst drinking Brandies, and smoking Havana Cigars I used him as an Ashtray. Now whenever I watch the Telly, he looks at me with a Murderous intent, and fair gives me the shivers. How can I appease the angry little Turdlepop?

I've tried flicking some sweet Meats his way, and even offered a smashing little Spiderman Outfit. Yet to no avail. If this isn't sorted out soon, he could end up being relegated to the Hall way.

Answer 1

eh? you lost me about less than half way through :/

Answer 2

Old chap, you have once again kidnapped Ronnie Corbett.  You have been over-endulging on the opium again. Place the little chap on a chair and have him entertain you with tangential jokes, of which, despite the digressions, one can clearly see the punchline looming.

Answer 3

Hahahahahaha

I think you just made my day

Answer mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

wrong

Answer 5

lol ur funny

Answer 6

I didn't realise they were a fashion item otherwise I would have burnt all of mine.

Answer 7

i didnt understand the bulk of your question...

but yes, cardigans are back in style!

EDit: people said its august...yeah, well its the end of august which emans its gonna be fall soon!

Answer 8

lol... nope...

and especially not in August!

Answer 9

Oompa Loompas

Answer 10

yeah cardigans are coming back in.

and lmao, wth?  

Answer 11

Alas my friend, I am speechless.  

Answer 12

what u talkin about willis

Answer 13

by Jove sir a midget you say nothing wrong with showing the little blighter who's boss and what not, take him by the scuff of the neck and give him a good stern ticking off show the devil who's boss. lets hope it works old chum before he takes over the house

Answer 14

There is obviously some kind of mutual attraction between him, and your good Lady Wife. The Ashtray incident just made him resent you even more. These "New World Fuzzy Wuzzys" can be tricky little b******s, what with their poison dart blowpipes, and strange stimulant drugs.

A Detective acqaintance of mine from Baker St, had a spot of bother with one of these "Noble Savages" some time ago, and it almost cost him his life. Don't underestimate the depths these depraved little monkeys will stoop to, to get what they want, in this case, Carnal relations with the Lady of the House. Maybe you should set aside one morning, or afternoon a week, when they could indulge themselves, just to promote more harmonious domestic relations. Pick a time when you yourself are out Whoring, or even better, you could "lend him out" to your sexually depraved next door nieghbour, who obviously has the "glad eye" for you, thereby killing two birds with one stone.

If all else fails,by all means relegate him to the Hallway, but make sure he doesn't frighten the servants, or you may have a full scale "Peasants Revolt" in your household.

It would be a shame to have to get rid of the little fella completely, such a coversation piece is hard to come by in these dark days of "Political Correctness" .

Anyway, VG, good luck, and keep me posted, as I'm curious as to how this whole "Horny Midget, Pervy Nieghbour" scenario pans out.

Have to sign off now, here comes my Chamber maid, with my Cocaine e***a. (I do love Thusday afternoons)

Toodle Pip,old Fruit. KK.