Career or baby?

Question

I am 29, I have a very good career that is on the rise. I would like to be a young mum and my husband and I planned on starting a family next year. However, I have been offered a promotion and relocation, as a consequence I will not be able to start a family for 2 years, (this is not an option) therefore I will have my first at 32/33. I have read that 28/29 is an ideal age to have a baby and stress contributes to infertility ( I work in a stressful industry).

I do not want to risk having difficulties in getting pregnant, but I have worked very hard to be in the position I am in today, I am good at what I do and I take pride in my job and I do not want to have any regrets. I work in a male dominated industry in which it would be very hard to climb up the ladder if I have a baby, it is tough enough when you reach a certain age and get married.

Are there any other women in a similar situation that can offer me some guidance?

Answer 1

It is indeed a tough call. There are 2 issues here, one if having a baby at 32/33 would be allright... there's no reason why it shouldnt be all right. Only based on age there's nothing to worry about as long as you're healthy.

Issue number 2 is whether to put career ahead of having a baby, u said a MINIMUM of 2 yrs... then what happens if by then you get offered another position/ promotion or somthing career wise that interests you a lot.... would you keep pushing the date? That's the tricky part... having a baby will change your life, for the better. Besides it doesnt mean you'll have to be a stay at home mom, you can always go back to work after mat leave.... but I think you need to get your priorities straight...

What's more important for you and your husband? What happens if in a couple of years you're too busy to have a kid? Think about it and good luck with your choice

Answer 2

It's a tough call.  I would do a workup to have an informed decision.  Have bloodwork drawn to test your LSH, LH etc.

  Is there anything that may cause you difficulty in waiting a few years?  Are you Rh-?  Do you have any chronic conditions like diabetes?  Are you overweight?  Do you have regular periods?  Have you ever had a bad pap test?  Have you ever been dx with ovarian cysts or PCOS?  Any history of d&c, abortion, miscarriage?  Do you have any blood issues like leiden factor v, thrombocytopenia, +ACLA (anticardiolipid antibody) also called lupus anticoagulent?  You may not know if you have any blood issues, I would test for this too.  

Having a baby changes things, its just different.  If you have minimum to none of the above then you are in pretty good shape.  It also depends on how many you want to have?  If you are looking at 2 that's  feasible.  I would look at the ttc questions, some of those women have been trying for a very long time.

It sounds like you would like to continue on your career a bit.  Most women that I know could not have both, and once had kids did not go back to their career.  There are some red flags that you may have difficulty getting pregnant.  There are a lot of meds out their that infertility can be overcome with alot of money and time.   I might consider having my ovaries stimulated and follicles matured and frozen.  That way its a trial run and those eggs aren't getting any older. It's hard because this is not the natural way of having kids, I knew that I would probably have difficulty and regret waiting, but my perspective of having infertility for 3 years, and 3 pregnancy losses skews my judgement a bit.  I did end up with 3 sons minus a lot in the bank account (which I don't care about) so the end result was the same, its just the road was a little bumpy on the way.  Also my kids do have some disabilities that are related to age and they may have not had if I was younger.  I was told my eggs are like 10 yrs older than my chronilogical age.  They based this off my bloodwork.  It is a hard guess as to when anyone runs out of eggs, but the quality starts declining much younger than that, some say even in the late 20's egg quality diminishes, by how much, it really depends on how the quality is to begin with and that is a speculation at best.  Good luck with your decision