Celebrating differences and similarities?

Question

"Please don't say I look or act just like you. I need to acknowledge and celebrate our differences. "

Is it possible to celebrate the differences and the similarities? It seems as though many adoptees on here say they don't fit in because they are so different from their A-families. Sure they will be different, but isn't it possible to have things in common too? For instance my daughter LOVES water, just like I do. She loves to "fix" things just like her dad does. She also is extremely willful and stubborn ,like her half sister and how her bmom claims to be and has a strong interest in music like her b-mom as well. In this case, can't you have the best of both worlds?

Answer 1

Yes of course, so long as you're not playing make believe.

People have said to my adoptive mother and I that our profiles are alike (must be the big nose, I guess LOL) and they can 'just tell we're mother and daughter'.   We just crack up laughing because we know that in reality we're nothing alike, but it gives us a good giggle

Answer 2

Of course, we are similar to and different from anyone we meet.  And we teach appreciation of those differences and similarities in our home when it comes to physical characteristics, sexual preferences, race, ethnicity, pro-choice, parenting, adoption, etc, etc, etc.

But the primal pain that some adoptees feel is so deep that it turns to anger and an intense need to disassociate from the people that were given the responsibility of being their Mom and Dad.  Understandable, but misplaced.  It is no one's fault, but when we hurt, we want to blame.

Answer 3

Yes, it is possible to celebrate both.  This is one of the things my adoptive parents got right.  I am 42 now, and I treasure both the similarities and the differences.

But it is very important to make sure your child does not feel that she has to try to be similar to you in order to earn your love.   You don't have to do anything "wrong" to give her that impression, it just happens because adopted children can feel so insecure and fragile.  It doesn't reflect on you or your parenting skills in any way.  

I'm glad you're researching this.  It can only help you and your daughter.

Answer 4

Yes, it is possible.  However, what I have ascertained from many of the people that submit answers is that those things are often overshadowed by the unknowns that have brought about the differences.  The child doesn't want to celebrate the differences as much as they want to acknowledge that they ARE different.  And no amount of looking at the similarities will change that.  

Adoptees, did I get this right?

Answer 5

I think you need to celebrate both in every family whether you are adopted or not.  It is just that for adoptees sometimes the differences can be glaring.  I am 5 '10 brown hair, brown eyes, olive skin-my mother is 5'0 light skin blue eyes and blond hair, very Scandinavian.   People constantly comment on how different we look. These  differences are hard to ignore as I am being reminded of them by others constantly and to a greater extent than my non-adopted friends. My family has always embraced these differences and had fun with them, but we've never tried to pretend they didn't exist.  

This doesn't mean that  nurturing from my parents has nothing to do with who I am.  There are many interests such as my love for the ocean, and baseball,  shopping and entertaining that I get from my mom.   There's no reason you can't celebrate both.

Answer 6

My son and I celebrate both...   I hope that I am doing it in a positive way.  I love our differences and l love our similarities.  I think they're awesome.  :-)