Changes after marriage?

Question

People keep telling me I'm too young to handle marriage (I'm 22 and never questioned it til I came on this site). No one in my family has ever said anything nor have my friends etc. ANYWAYS, I have been living with him for over 3 1/2 years now (we've been together just over 4) and we have done fine.

For those who lived with someonoe before you got married: what is the difference after marriage? Just wondering if anything really changes other than your last name?

Thanks guys!!!

by the way...this is not going to affect my decision to marry him. I'm going to do it either way. So don't think this question is me trying to decide. I'm just wondering.

Answer 1

mama,it dont change.people that say that aren't happy in their relationship.Keep the spark always alive.Ya,theres going to be arguing at times,but dont lose the love over them,always work it out.I've been living with my man for 3 and a hlf yrs also.We moved in a month after we started dating and we're getting married next year if God wants.Some people are so negative on here.

Answer 2

22 is so young.  I had two cousins get married.  One was 21 and one was 22 and they are both divorced.  Both due to cheating.  When you get married so young you miss out on a lot and then down the road you start to regret that you got married so young.  You just haven't lived enough yet.  You have your whole life ahead of you.  He is probably the only person that you have ever been with.  Marriage does change things especially once you have children.  Marriage is a commitment that should be forever and I just don't think at 22 that you would be mature enough to handle the tough stuff but it's your life.

Answer 3

Regardless of your age, pre-marital counseling will help the two of you really learn about how to best communicate with one another, resolve conflict and talk about how to handle your differences.  

My husband and I dated for 5 years before getting married (I was 26 and he was 28).  Despite our age and how long we dated prior to getting married, what really helped us was the counseling.  The divorce rate in our country shows that marriage is not easy.  It's a lot of work as time goes by.  No one can say that just because you're 22 that your marriage is doomed.  That's insulting and ridiculous.

So many people spend months planning the wedding but not for marriage.  If you two decide to get pre-marital counseling, you'll already be more prepared than most people who are older than you.  The changes that happen depend upon the two of you.  Every couple has it different.  Sometimes the biggest change is that one spouse takes the other for granted.  One of you may have not as high of a s*x drive as the other so this can create problems.  Or the division of household chores is uneven so one gets resentful etc. etc.  Every couple has their own challenges to overcome.

Answer 4

The previous person doesn't know what their on about! Everybody is different at 22 and you will know if it the right decision for you. I have been we've my partner since i was 19 i'm now 27 and with lived together all that time We are hopin to marry next summer and I believe that things will only change in our relationship for the better. If things change for the worse then you discuss them and work on them. Age is irrelevent its how you feel about eachother that matters.  

Answer 5

dont mind all the harsh comments.. some people are just a bitter n twisted about marriage.. if u feel it is right for you  and you are with the right man then there is nothing or no one that can do to prove yee are not ready to get married.. when you know its right you know.. dont b put off by what they are saying.. if you were to listen to everyones opinions you woulod live your life in fear of your marriage ending .. i personally dont think much changes when u are married..

best of luck for the future x

ps enjoy your wedding day whenever it does happen!!

Answer 6

My mom was 23 when she married my dad(25ish) and they have been together over 25 years. Don't let someone tell you that you are to young. When you have met the one you know.

Answer 7

Age has nothing to do with it. Im 21 (22 when I get married) and I've been told the same thing, honey you're too young, youll be divorced w/i 2 years. etc. I doubt since you have already lived together for 3/4 of your relationship that things are going to change. In my situation, my family is against living together before marriage, so I know things will be different. But the way I see it is you have a choice, you can either grow together facing each problem or challenge as a couple. Or you can do your own thing. The divorce rate in this country is high, but alot of that has to do with people getting married because they were pregnant, looking for a way out of their parents houses, or because they didn't take enough time to get to know each other. You've been in a relationship for 4 years, and have lived together, you guys should know each other by now. Don't let people on here make you question your relationship.

Answer 8

Marriage really shouldn't change a relationship.  It's a piece of paper.  You've already been living together for 3 1/2 years, so I say go ahead and get married.  It's not like your rushing into things.  

Answer 9

Nikki marriage is not a goal it is a legal relationship in the eyes of God and the law.  When some people think that marriage is goal then they change because they feel that they get something and don't need to work on it any further.  That is when folks change in the relationship and things go down hill after that..

Answer 10

I am 20 and will be 21 by the time my fiance and i get married and i am super excited and DO NOT think your to young!!!! If you are in love then you are in love, i think once you are past the legal age (18) then age is just a number!

I have been living with my fiance for almost a year, and i think its a good think, we got to know all of each others flaws and habits and made sure we could deal with them before we got married (which i would recommend to any couple)! I dont think it will be any different after we get married, just a new last name.

Congratulations & good luck!!!!!

Answer 11

Honestly, not much has changed.

Answer 12

Nothing really changes. Your last name and now you can say "This is my husband"...other than that...if your relationship has made it this far and you've been together 4 years and living together for a better portion of that, then nothing really changes! You're not too young to handle marriage (I had my first daughter when I was 22 and my 2nd at 24!)...move forward and don't listen to some of the craziness that goes on here! Good luck!! =)

Answer 13

i dont know why everyone is being an *** 22 is not too young expecally if you want to start a family who wants to have kids in there 30's my husband changed a bit stopped cleaning so much and such but by 2 yrs he has gotten into the habit agian in the end he is still the person i married. and now he is a great father and i love him more than anything(execpt my kids) and we married way younger too. but sht if it odesnt work there is always divorce at least thats how i thought of it before we got married, though i dont think of it anymore

Answer 14

It's not that the marriage will change your life, the fact that what you find attractive qualities at 22 will greatly differ from what you will find attractive qualities at even the age of 30.  

This is true however at most any age.  Some couples are mature enough to understand this and are willing and able to grow with each other.  Others unfortunately, either mature faster or sometimes not at all.  

The key is to make sure that the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with has the same goals and values as you do in life, and to keep the lines of communication wide open.

Good luck!

Answer 15

Let me first say that I've never been married.  However, I've learned ALOT watching & listening to friends who have gone thru marital issues.  I have realized that many of the "changes" that occur are those that can be avoided.  For example, if you two aren't totally honest with each other now about everything, including real life issues like who should cook & how often;  how/when/how often you want to have s*x;  do you want kids; how to handle money - 2 bank accounts or 1, etc...then there could be the potential for a "change" because the truth of how you each feel will eventually come to the surface, and if you don't agree & aren't willing to compromise, it could cause problems.   Another thing that tends to "change" is that one spouse begins to take the other for granted.  Always appreciate and respect each other.  Always be grateful for the little things he does for you & encourage him in those areas.  A wise woman builds her house, and that "house" includes the people in it - husband and children.  

Let me also say this...rarely does someone "change" after they get married. The spouse simply finally gets comfortable and begins to show their true colors...and if you two have been dating & living together this long, then you've seen his true colors & he's seen yours.  The question is just this...are there things that you are ignoring that you'll later regret overlooking.  

Lastly, age has nothing to do with your ability to have a successful marriage - truthfully, neither does love.   You have to have open & honest communication and should be friends above all else!

I wish you all the best!