Changing an adopted child's name?

Question

I was wondering what others think of this. I've often heard of people adopting children from other countries and changing their names to "western" names. Obviously, not as much of an issue if the child is too young to really know it's name. But what about older children? Is there any research on how this affects them? What is your opinion?

Answer 1

What does the child want to be called?

Personally I think we should all name ourselves.

Answer 2

My wife and I have been in the process for about 3 years,  finally we are in the down hill stretch.  We thought at first we wanted a 6 month, but God had other plans.  We will be traveling to china around the first of March to get our Daughter.  She will turn 6 on march 22, she is 5 weeks younger than our Son who will turn 6 this month.

Her name was going to be Lilly.  From day one.  But in reality her name is Lin Tao.  We thought and thought, and realized what it would do to our son if my wife and I were killed and he was adopted by someone outside the family, and they at his age said, your name is no longer Stephen, its Bobby , or John or what ever.  To lose your 'family' even if it is a foster family is bad, to be taken to another world, does not help, but then to have your name taken from you as well, well, we decided we just couldn't do that.

We hope after we have met her, and brought her home, and she has come to accept us, and know that we will never, ever leave her, we hope to discuss with her the possibility of Lilly-Lin,  

However it goes, we will let her decide when she comes to know that she is 'home'

hope this helps.

Answer 3

A child's name is his or her name.   I do not advocate changing a child's name.  When the child is old enough, if he or she wants to go by a nickname, then that is different.  A name is something extremely personal.  I had my name changed when I was 2, and I never was very happy about that having something that was completely mine being changed without my ability to say what I felt.

Answer 4

We are in the process of adopting a sibling group from Africa.  The children are  (estimated ages) 5, 7, 12 yrs old.   They each have 2 names,  one is more tribal and the other could have a more western version.  I thought,  Oh no,  we could never change their names,  but they are old enough and we will speak to them about it.

If they wish to be called a new name then yes we will change their name or just add a new first name and keep the African names they were given as their middle names.  Our 2 bio children have 2 middle names,  so they will be the same in that manner :)

But one also needs to consider the difficulty of a name and pronunciation difficulty especially in a school setting.  Most kids (adopted and bio both) do not want to stand out,  they just want to be like everyone else so they may wish to pick out a more western name, even as a middle name so they can use it if they wish.

Every case is going  to be different,  but it is important to keep their ethnicity so keeping at least part of their name from their country of origin would help in a small way.  

Any adopted child is going to wonder about where they came from ... read the Primal Wound ..... amazing book.

A child is never "too young" to have it affect them.

Answer 5

My opinion is it SUCKS!

Would you want someone changing YOUR name without YOUR CONSENT? One of the ONLY last things that connects you to your ancestry and heritage? I understand the legal ties behind "last name changes" but the current last name could EASILY be added as a middle name to respect the "before" adoption life this child has had.

And yes, i REALIZE some children don't come with names their first family gave them, I have a friend who was named "baby boy" and of course, he wouldn't want THAT as his first name, so for then... go for it.

Answer 6

never change a older childs name. if they want it changed let them do it.

Answer 7

My girls were 3 and 4 when we got them.  It was time to do the new birth certificate and we all sat down as a family and explained what we needed to do and we wanted the kids' help with how we should do it.  Both girls immediately said they wanted our last name like their new brothers had.  We asked if they wanted to pick new names or keep the ones they had or keep one of their names and pick a new one to go with it.  They both said they wanted new names to go with their new last name.  We finally convinced them to keep at least one of their birth names and gave them several choices of middle names to choose from.  Everyone, including the boys voted on each name so the girls would know who liked what the best, then the final decision was left up to them.  They both chose beautiful names.  The oldest insisted on using her new name and the younger one was really too little to care so we kept using her first name.

They never seemed in the least traumatized by the experience.  They enjoyed having at least that tiny bit of control over what was happening to them.

Answer 8

I think it always best to honor a child's original or birth name if the child is not a newborn.  It can become a first name, middle name or even a third or hyphened name.

Answer 9

A relative of mine named her second child a very simple name that happens to match one of my children's names (who was born only a few months earlier). She did this not because she had any interest in the name, but because it was the only name her then-2-year-old could pronounce. So now, for the rest of our kids' lives, we have confusion at every family get together because there are two girls the same age with the same name.

The idea of letting a young child make a lifetime decision about their name or their sibling's name is silly. What if they said "Tonka" or "Lego"?

As long as the first parents named the child something reasonable, why change it? They had a reason. It's the one known inheritance the child is left with. Why throw it out like yesterday's garbage?

Answer 10

I wouldnt advise changing an older childs name. That is their identity and the only thing they have that is theirs. Possibly find a nick-name from their real name?? Example if the name is Jesenia you would either call them Jess or Jessie. I know many older adopted kids whose parents change their name it it created a lot of issues for them. If you want to have input in the name, change their middle name to something you want. I did that with one of my adopted kids and she chose it!!

Answer 11

Well you can change it to a western name, or leave it the way it is. If the child is older, like a teenager, then it really should be up to him/her. Encourage the child to do what they want. If they want to adopt more western traditions, adopt a western name.....but if they want to continue with their own roots, keep their traditional name.

Answer 12

you shouldnt change a childs name unless its their idea!

Answer 13

I actually just read an interesting article on yahoo about this.  They were mostly talking about name regret that parents have with their natural born children, but it applies both ways.  They basically recommended that a child should keep its name if it's over 8 months.  Around that time they start recognizing their name and are attached to it.  If it is an older child, I would recommend asking them what they thought about it.  Maybe they want to change their name.  

Hope this helps.

Answer 14

I think it's horrible.  If it isn't the child's idea, don't do it!

Answer 15

Adoptive parents should not change the given name of an older child. The name is one thing they can keep -- and so much is being lost or changed.

If an older child decides for him/herself that they want their name changed, then they should be allowed and supported in doing so. However I would suggest that they first talk to an adult adoptee from their native country or a trusted adult of their ethnicity to make sure this is truly what they want and not something done out of stigma or because they are being teased. If racism is the issue, that needs to be dealt with, though if they still truly want to change their name, then their adoptive parents should support them. I think their original given name should be kept as a middle name, at least.

Answer 16

I don't think it's very respectful to the child

By the way, it is an issue for the younger child.    I was adopted as an infant and my adoptive parents kept my original name - it means alot to me.  Had they changed it, it would be an issue. (did I say I love my adoptive parents)

Answer 17

I see a name as an identity. I wouldnt advise to change a childs name when it is old enough to know its name in the first place. My parents have kept my birth name as apart of my middle name. They have kept apart of my identity.

Never change the name of an older child.

Answer 18

I can't speak for foreign kids, but when we adopted our son at the age of 10, he was excited to find out he got to pick his name. He finally decided to keep his first name but change the spelling, and change his middle name. Most kids like the idea of picking their name. I wonder why if you are considering older kids, why not an American kid? My son came from a different state.

Answer 19

I believe that if the child is not old enough to know its name than everything should be fine if you were to change it . but if the child is older i think it is just best to leave there name as is so this dose not cause to much confusion on the little one

Answer 20

In my religion if you adopt a child then you can't change the last name because it's birth father gave it that name and it is part of it's identity.  If the child's first name is something that has a bad meaning or has pagan origins then you can change the first name. You also have to tell the child it was adopted at the age of 7 years old in my religion.

Now I would say if the child is old enough then let it keep it's name until and only if the child wants to change it's name.  I think that by changing the child's name(Last name) to the adoptive parents' name is taking away it's identity. Just because you take the child's identity away from it and give it your last name doesn't make it your flesh and blood. God mentions in the Qur'an that we should not allow ourselves to act like the adopted son or daughter is our real child.