Changing children's last names to step-fathers and/or adoption?

Question

I have three children... one of whom is biologically my husband's but he raised them all and is the only father that they know. My oldest daughter is now twelve and my husband has been there since she was ten months old and is her daddy... we also have a nine year old together, and we were divorced when I had my son whom is now six and then got married again. His biological father has never seen him, had no contact, was abusive, etc... My husband is the only daddy he knows as well. He is a real good father to them and treats them as his own.

My husband is interested in adopting them or atleast changing their last names to his. We are wondering how hard either of these would be because no paternity was ever established and we are not interested in establishing it with the biologicals because of various reasons... but their names are on file with child support division because I was on welfare so it is on record who they are... How could we go about changing the names?

Answer 1

You are aloud to change your childs name/last name 1 time in their life...and then after that you would have to go threw a big process. I would just go up to the court house and tell them what you want to do

Answer 2

Well I am not a lawyer, but have had a similar situation. First of all you should just consult with a Family Law Lawyer to have all your questions answered legally correct. I know that if you chose to use a private lawyer, your husband will have to be certified to adopt through a legitimate agency.

Paternity should have already been established if you were on welfare and receiving any child support that the state enforced.

If you are civil with the children's biological father's you could ask them to sign a legal documentation that relinquishes their rights to the children. This is filed legally with the courts if they agree, but remember that the biological father is no longer obligated to pay child support once the his rights are relinquished and your husband still has to get certified to adopt. The only other legal way to change the children's last name is they would have to wait until they were 18 and could do this through the court themselves. I hope I was a little bit of help.

Answer 3

Hopefully, the biological father would sign consent to adopt forms, which would be the easiest way to do this process.  He would be relieved from child support liability in the event he signed them.  

If that isn't possible, you'll have to consult an attorney in family law to have your husband adopt them.  You can't just change their names (at least not in my state, but yours may be different.).  

The main thing is that the children know he loves them, and even if adoption is not possible, maybe have a ceremony for your family, like a birthday party event, declaring your love for each other, and the kids receive a declaration of love and that they are his special kids.  It's love instead of a name that makes them who they are.  Their name is part of their identity that shouldn't be changed, but the love can be there forever too.

Answer 4

It probably varies by state, but it can be done. Every situation varies, but this was my experience.  I was a struggling single mom for many years, the biological father saw him once when he was nine days old, and was not in the picture after that in any way....which was for the best, we were much safer.....anyway, I met my husband when my son was 5 yrs old, we married 1 1/2 yrs later. We are incredibly blessed. My husband adopted my son, and we changed the last name that way. We still had to do the regular adoption stuff like a home study and paying for an attorney ad litem appointed to represent our sons interests, we also had to pay for an attorney to represent the father's interests so they could be terminated and the father couldn't come back later and say I didn't know.....I wasn't hard to find....anyway it was a great thing to have done, it was something our son REALLY wanted, and it cost about $3500.00 total but worth every penny & then some. It is so comforting to know my son is protected legally no matter what....My husband was his father regardless, but if God forbid something were to happen he won't end up in the system, I don't have family that could step in. GOod luck, and get an attorney that is a Bulldog and knows these type of cases inside out.

Answer 5

Interestingly enough, my husband helped me raise my daughter from a previous marriage as well.  She is now 17 going on 18, and has always called my husband, dad - he too raised my daughter as a baby.  The biggest difference is that my ex-husband has been involved with my daughter inasmuchas he has always provided child support and tries to keep in touch now that she is older.  Their relationship hasn't been very good; however, it's mainly because my daughter does not like her stepmother!

At any rate, when my daughter was 11 years old, she asked if my husband could adopt her so that she could change her name.  I was against it because I thought it might be something she would regret later as she got older.  Then when my daughter was 13, she started refusing to take her summer and mid-winter visits to see her biological dad, and contacted an attorney on her own to see what she would have to do to get adopted by my husband.  Again, I intervened and told her that I would only consent to it if she talked to her biological dad and told him why she wanted to do it, and then called her biological grandparents and explained to them why it was important for her to do it.  Needless to say, it never happened.  So in the end, I believe the right decision was made.

With regard to your question, I completely understand why you would want something like adoption or a name change to take place.  My daughter used my husband's last name all through elementary and middle school without any questions asked.  But when it came to medical records, etc., we were compelled to use her biological last name.  Although this worked for a little while, it all changed when she entered high school and she was forced to use her biological last name.

So changing a child's last name without giving them the consideration to do so is a very difficult decision.  It means giving up so many of their rights, knowing and unknowing.  There are so many consequences to consider and so many "what-ifs" to think about as well.  I'm thinking that if paternity has never been determined, that is one of the first things that will have to be done.  And I think it might require some footwork on your part.  Afterward, if the biological is willing to give up their rights, then and only then might you be able to carry forth your wishes.

Good luck to you and your family.  Blended families possess a lot of difficulties, but if the decisions you make are in the best interest of the kids, then they should always be the right decisions!!

God Bless you!

Answer 6

You're going to have to ask a lawyer or the Juvenile and domestic Relations Court to find out the specifics but what I was told is I had to have the child's father's permission but if you've never had the children's paternity established it should be quite easy especially if your husband has basically established himself as their father already.

Answer 7

If their names were on file with the child support division and the fathers have not paid any child support, chances are, you can have their parental rights stripped for abandonment. I'd get a lawyer to find out what to do. At the very least, your husband can be named guardian so that if something happened to you, the children would remain with him.