Changing the name of an adopted child?

Question

How do you feel about adoptive parents changing the name of their child? (I'm wondering this because my fiance and I have been discussing the possibility of having one or two biological children and adopting one or two from foster care.) Does your opinion change based on the age of the child? Does your opinion change based the birth name of the child?

On one hand, I see why adoptive parents would want to give their child a new name now that he/she has become part of a new family. After all, shouldn't the parents who are raising the child have the right to choose the child's name? This would especially make sense if the adopted child's birth name didn't fit at all with the other children's names or if the parents strongly disliked the name.

On the other hand, I see how it could seem they were being disrepectful to the birth parents or trying to alter the child's identity in some way, especially if the child was older.

Your opinion?

Answer 1

I think if the child is older then like 2 maybe 3 you should not change their name. I image it would be very confusing and maybe a little traumatic. If it is a baby I don't think it would matter.

Answer 2

I think it would be OK to change it as long as the child was a baby when he/ she was adopted.

Answer 3

I think its ok 2 change the name if its a baby

Its not good if that kid is old enough 2 notice it

Answer 4

I think it depends on the name *and* the child's age.

In general, I don't think a subtle adjustment is a bad thing.  As you say, it can de-emphasize the fact that the child wasn't yours from the first moment, and that might make things more comfortable.  Choosing a formal name that's related to the child's given name, or changing the middle name, is a great approach.

But there are cases where you really have to accept that the child's name simply is the child's name.  Probably after the age of 4 or 5, some kids are not amenable to changes, even subtle ones.  

And the opposite is true, too.  If you adopt a child named Passion or Rocker, I think it's perfectly reasonable to say that the name is simply impossible and change it - in conversation with your child.

Answer 5

I would give it a double name like Jean-Louise (bad example...) or change the child's current name to its middle name.

But if the child is over two years old I wouldn't even think of changing its name.

Answer 6

It relly depends on the situation,eg.

If the child is like one and there name is EXTREMELY unappealng then it's okay...

but if the are are like 8 and loveeee their name than I wouldn't

Answer 7

For me, it's not about disrespecting the biological family.  It's about disrespecting the child, who already has an identity prior to adoption.  I recently heard a story of an adoptee who was adopted at the age of 6 months, and who's adoptive parents changed her name.  She did not know about her original name.  While playing as a child, she would often call herself by a fantasy name (I hope I got that detail right...).  Eventually, she found out that this fantasy name actually was her original first name.  This is a part of her identity, and it was taken away from her.  But she "remembered".  Our bodies store memories long before our brains do.

Answer 8

I think if a child already has a name, you should not change it. Although you were not the ones who gave it to him/her, it was no accident or fluke. Someone deliberately chose that name for that child. If God wants you to be the one to name him/her, you will get a newborn. And, furthermore, most adoptive parents think their new child is perfect in every way. So, if you feel the need to tweak and make modifications to a child so that they fit into what you feel is acceptable, you definitely do not need to be adopting.

Answer 9

I believe it depends on the age of the child. If you're adopting an older child (which would likely be the case if you were adopting from foster care -- kudos for you for considering this too!! You'll be doing a wonderful thing for a child in need!), then I don't think it's a good idea to change the child's name. It would almost seem like you can't accept him or her for who he or she is. If the child would LIKE to change his or her name to feel that he or she fits in with the new family, then you could support that. You have to remember that when you adopt an older child, they do have another family out there, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins, who they may have a relationship with. They have an identity that needs to be respected.

On the other hand, in adoptions from foreign countries, China for example, most parents change the child's first name to an "american" first name, then keep their Chinese name as the middle name. I think the child is young enough in that case that it won't hurt anything.

Good luck with your future family!

Answer 10

Keep the name - it should be about respecting the CHILD.

Changing names is a selfish act - to suit the adults in the situation.

If you want to be able to name the child - give birth to the child.

Children don't ask to be given up for adoption - they would most likely prefer to stay in the family they were born to.

Honor the child - keep the name they were given.

If you have a problem with the name - it's your problem - not the child's.

Adoptees should be allowed their truth - AND their identity (from the beginning - not from where the adoptive parent comes along).

Let's do what is best for the child - for once - not what the adults want - in the situation.

Answer 11

I'm with Briarcat.  And Laurie - we don't even change the name of a new pet! But we will change the name of a whole little person?

I can't believe that you'd consider changing the name of an adopted child to "match" your biological children.  Why not change the names of your biological children to match this new member of the family?  Sound ridiculous?  

And honestly, I don't get why anyone is so concerned with the child's 'birth' family (or first family), yet not MORE concerned with what the child will think!

I have 3 grandkids. Before the age of 6 months old they all recognized their names and looked when called to!  So, what the heck makes it OK if they are "young" enough. How young is young enough?  

As an adoptee, I am honestly grateful to my parents for NOT changing the name my first mother gave me!  I got a new name - their last name.  That's fine. The only two things that have always been mine since the day I was born are my first & middle names.  

I can see adding a middle name.  I can see using a nick name, or shortened version of a name, or using the child's initials --- "AJ", for example.

If you're opposed to an "ethnic" name, perhaps you shouldn't adopt a child with that ethnicity...?!  Just a thought.

But then, adoption should be all about the adults, right? Not about the kids and what they may need or desire.  

Whatever you do, please put the child's feelings & their emotional well being FIRST.

Answer 12

How about respecting the CHILD'S intact identity?  Why is this about adoptive parents vs. first parents?  

The children already have names.  Please respect that, as it is part of respecting them.  Although most people change last names, please leave their other names alone, as these names as THEIRS.    

Most people don't change the name of a PET that already has a name.  Doesn't a child deserve AT LEAST that much respect?

Answer 13

my aunt did that but her kid was three idk go with your gut

Answer 14

well, talk it through with the biological parents, let them know you  would like to select a name, or give them some options that you have considered and let them tell you how they feel about the names you have selected. but changing a babys name once it's been names by its biological parents  is very disrespectful.

Answer 15

It wouldn't be a problem with babies, but older kids may find it difficult to deal with. You could always use their name as a middle name if you really felt you had to change it. Maybe make it a symbolic thing for them - a new name for a new life. But at the end of the day, it's the kids identity and sometimes the only thing they have to hold onto. Besides, its only a name, I don't see why you would feel the need to change it.

Answer 16

Changing a child's name so it fits in with the other children's name?  That is ludicrous and makes no sense whatsoever.

Being disrespectful to the birth parents?  I see no mention of the actual child here who has gone by a certain name her/his whole life.  Isn't that a tad more important then anything else?

Sorry..I'm shaking my head over your thinking..it's rather backwards.

Answer 17

As long as the child is under a year I don't see any problem with it.

Answer 18

My husband adopted my oldest son when he was 11 o12, we changed his last name, because my son wanted to have the same name as his brothers.  I adopted my husbands son when we took custody of him.  Also, I was also adopted, and my name was changed.  I was almost 1 when adopted.  I did not know I had a different name until I found my birth family.  I was not confused, but if the child is too old, it may be difficult.  It is really up to you and how you feel.  You will have pesonal reasons that lean in either direction.  You will make the right decision with the information you have and get.

By law, an adoptive parent is allowed to change a childs name and even birthdate.  Good luck, and no matter what yu decide, it is the right choice:)

Answer 19

Personally, I think it is something that needs to be discussed prior to any changes being made. We were fortunate enough to have met our daughter's birth mother. She had given birth to her 3 weeks prior to selecting us to be her forever family. She was in the hospital for 24 hours, and when she left, stated that they made her name our daughter before she left. The name was the month she was born, April.  She asked us if we had a name in mind. We did, but asked her what her feelings were as far as changing her name. She said it did not matter to her.  So, we did change our daughter's name, however, her first name is a derivitive of her middle name given by her birth mother.  

With that said, I think it is personal to the adoptive couple.  I know I'll get a ton of thumbs down here from the usual suspects, but it doesn't matter to me. I'm comfortable with our decision.

Answer 20

i dont think the name should be changed, becuz its the only thing left of where they came from. if u change their name before they're even old enough to know they had a previous name, its like you are almost completely erasing their past.....

Answer 21

i think its not a good idea unless the child is very young like a month. it can be confusing for the child and plus how will you explain it to them when their older. if its a name the adoptive parents really can't stand they could just find a good nickname for the kid.

i hope this helps you and good luck!

Answer 22

We adopted two children from foster care.  We chose to change only their middle name, because we didn't want to take away that part of their "self".  I don't think it's fair to take away their first name.  They have been that person all their life, and the last thing you want to do is send the message that you are trying to "erase" who they were, as if they didn't exist before they began their life with you.  

Giving them a middle name that had a lot of meaning for us personally was enough for us. So much has already been taken from these children.  Don't take away their name.  They will have enough to deal with even under the best of circumstances.  They will already feel that they weren't good enough for their first parents to keep them.  Trying to understand why even their name wasn't good enough to keep, will be cruel.

Answer 23

It the child is an infant, I don't see a problem.  If the child is old enough to understand, I think you should discuss it with him or her.  Let the child know the reason you are asking (like to make him feel more "in" with your family)  Get his opinion.  ASK if he wants a new name or not.  

I personally think it's best not to change the child's name for any reason.  Suppose he wants to search for birth family later in life?  Name changes make that very difficult.  If you treat him well and love him, he won't just leave you.  If you make it difficult for him to search later, he may resent you.

.

Answer 24

If the child is old enough to know his/her name, I do not think it should be changed unless the child wishes to change it. This applies to children adopted from overseas who may have very ethnic sounding names to American ears.  

A child's name is his/her identity.  I don't see anything wrong with adding names, like a middle name or a surname, but not coming up with something entirely new.  

I mean, think about it.  Here's your new family, your new home, your new language, your new culture and by the way your name is now "Bob."

Answer 25

You have every right to change the name of the child! I say if the child is 4 or younger do it but if not maybe not. It  might be hard for him/her to understand. You have every right. Good luck!

Answer 26

Its really a catch 22

The birth parents gave the child up so that should not bear on your decision.

I would say an infant which is not old enough to associate it self wit a specific name would be ok

A child which has been called Michael or Jennifer their entire life and is now 5 or so... I feel that is wrong. They have already formed an identity and an association to who they are with that name. They already have a hard enought time forming an identity being tossed into foster care or orphanages then from parent to parent... why take away the one thing that they can associate to their identity.

Plus when the child gets older... it will make it harder for them if they do not know their original name to find their birth parents (I feel that should be an option for any adoptee)

Answer 27

My little sister was born Valentina, but then she got adopted and it changed to Dominique.

and my little brother was born Oscar and got adopted and changed to Adrian.

Answer 28

My adoptive daughter came to us at 18 mos. old she had the same first name as my twelve year old. We kept her name but added another name (like Emily-Elizabeth).

I did not feel right about taking something away from her that her mother gave her.

Answer 29

I think it depends on the age of the child.  If I adopted (and finalized the adoption of) an infant I'd change the name in a minute.

My son was a infant when he was placed for adoption, but it wasn't finalized until he was three.  I couldn't change his name at that point.

His name had been a long ethnic name, and we had always called him the short version of that name.  I wasn't a big fan of the name.  

Still, when the adoption was finalized what I did was dump the long ethnic version, give him the short version of his original first name, and give him my father's name as his middle name.

That way I figured he had something left of what the birth mother gave him, my husband's/his father's last name, and my father's middle name.

My husband thought we should change his name completely, but I didn't want to.  Then ---  my son was about five when he started to say, "I hate my name.  I want my name to be 'Mathew'"     :)    

Still, even with hindsight, I could not have changed the name we had used for this little guy I loved so much.  It was a part of who he was.  (The ethnic part of things - who gave a rat's bottom about that...    :)  )

Answer 30

If you are going to adopt a child after you have  a fer of your owna dn are p[lanning on adopting an older kid. Age for most people has some sort of effect on a which child a person is going to adopt. I think for most people the name of a person does not matter inless the person is shallow. Oh yah I am adopted and wish I wasnt infact many times at night including today I wish I was an abortion. DONT ADDOPT!!!!!

Answer 31

if it's a newborn, maybe changing the name would be okay.

but if it's a toddler or older, leave it. changing the name is changing who they are--and it says "you're not quite good enough as you are. we've got to change your name to one we like so you'll be good enough for us."

that can create confusion for a child who has already been abandoned by one set of parents.