Changing your mind?

Question

A friend of a friend adopted a sister and brother(about 1 and 2 years old). She decided after a couple of months that she just couldn't handle it and gave the brother back. I thought that was just horrendous - how could she split them up and how would you decide which to keep? I've never said anything but I thought it was pretty cruel and just wondered what everyone else thought?

Answer 1

she is not deserving to have a sister or brother! as adopted it really hurts to bring you back!

Answer 2

Turn that selfish hag into social services or wherever she got both of them and have the little girl removed and placed with her brother.  You don't split up siblings.  If any of my family had done this, I would have turned her in.  Why hasn't the agency or person she went through for the adoption come in and take the little girl....For goodness sakes, they're not puppies!  You can't just give up on one because things get too tough!  Adoption is forever....not at her convenience.

Answer 3

yeah, that's pretty messed up!  there was a 6 month waiting period before the adoption was final, and that's when you decide if you can handle it or not...not AFTER you adopt the children.  she should not have split them up!

Answer 4

It's sad but people do this all the time.

It's called adoption dissolution.

Answer 5

That is very cruel and extremely selfish.  When I was eight years old I had three biological sisters and both parents living in the home.  my 1st cousin ended up died and leaving behind thier 3 kids one girl and 2 boys.  even though my parents already had 4 kids of their own they took in my 3 2nd cousins.  And believe me when I tell you that this was the hardest thing on my family after 7 years of living with all the family I ended up moving out at 17 with my boyfriend.  I ended up marrying him.  but Even though It was hard living there and my parents got soooooo stressed out they toughed it out for those kids,  if it wasn't for my parents their aunt would've split them up by only taking the girl. To this day all my 2nd cousins I consider them my brothers and my sister.  and my parents are still together through all the chaos and they claim everyone of my 3 2nd cousins as thier own children,  Your friend needs to rethink her decisions for adopting those 2 children because if it's just her wanting kids she is a selfish ***** who needs to start thinking about the kids and not herself.

Answer 6

I agree with you.....especially since she only had the children for a couple of months.  The first year after an adoption is always a huge adjustment period.  It takes time for the children AND the parents to learn to be a family.   I also think it was pretty horrible to split up siblings.  It usually means a lot to an adopted child to have a biological sibling in the same family.  Shame on this woman, and I hope they don't allow her to adopt again.

Answer 7

That's horrible! Adoption is forever!

She should've asked for some help if she couldn't handle it.  These are kids not puppies!

Answer 8

maybe she was trying to do what was best in her mind. i disagree with her decision.

Answer 9

That person deserves to not to have the sister if she was so mean as to split the brother and sister up

Answer 10

I am surprised the agency allowed her to do this. Is she a single parent? Sounds fishy.

Answer 11

I suspect there's more to this story than we know.  I applaud her for pursuing adoption of siblings in the first place, but am saddened that she did not have the support and resources she needed.

Answer 12

WOW!  yes that is horrendous!  Returned him like he was a pair of jeans she changed her mind about!  That's pretty sad, I mean I have days when my kids are driving me crazy, like everyone else - but we don't go give them away!  

I'm surprised the child protection agency (or whoever was handling the case) allowed someone like that to keep the sister; she should have been removed from care immediately as well.

Answer 13

I agree with you.  You can't just change your mind.  Parenting is a tough job and it wears you down, but it's also rewarding.  It's kind of like she broght back a defective toy.  Horrible!

Answer 14

I agree with you that it seemed pretty cruel.  Did she ask for help before she decided to give the brother back?  It's understandable that she couldnt handle it but she should've thought about that before she adopted 2.  They are a tad young to miss each other but that is just wrong.  It's people like her that make the adoption process so hard.  Did she think that taking care of kids is easy?  It's supposed to be hard but fun at the same time.  Maybe she isn't cut out for parenting because a real parent would never split up their kids.  

She probably kept the one that she can mold and the one that is the easiest to take care of.  A kid at the age of two already knows stuff but you can always change them if you don't like it.  If she wanted to "return" one she should've "returned" both of them.

My opinion is that it is just plain wrong.

Answer 15

These types of things sadden me immensely.  I agree with you - how can you "give them back"?  When you adopt a child, you accept that child as if they were born to you.  It is different to be a birthmother and to make an adoption plan for your child, but how can you "choose" to adopt and then decide you can't handle it?????  

I hope that your friend is able to get some type of counseling so that she can help her daughter and herself to get through this.

Answer 16

That I don't like.  If she had those children herself, she would never think of giving up one of them.