Cheated on? Gone to counseling? Stayed together for the kids?

Question

Has anyone gone through this? If so, what happened in counseling? Can you really stay together for the kids? Do you think your marriage will last? Can you ever really trust the other person again?

Answer 1

Counselors will try to make the cheated on spouse feel they some how caused the other spouse to cheat. If they can inflict a guilt complex on the victim, the victim will stay with the cheater because they think it was their fault, and forgive the cheater.

Everything else the counselor does is window dressing and a facade to create the above illusion.

If the victim doesn't become submissive to the cheater, the victim will continually bring up the hurt and deceit. The cheater will grow tired of hearing about the victims feelings and leave.

Answer 2

Do not stay with him just cause of the kids. If your not happy then leave him. When I was married I stayed with him cause of the kids but it made mine and my kids life h**l. I do wish I would of left him alot sooner. Kids can pick up on things.

Answer 3

Been down that road and still living it.  I pray it will last but it is a day by day process.  Some days it is easy to trust...other days I want to spy on her :-)  I only have to decide everyday my marriage is more important than my desire to know what is going on.  I have to pray that my wife will do the right thing.  Some do give it a try but what makes it rough is the other person does not put forth effort to make it work...it takes two, not just one.  In counseling they only focused on us learning to communicate with each other...hince why I recommend it every time I post here as I am a firm believer, communication is at the root of all marital problems.  

Answer 4

I was cheated on. we went to counselling. and we stayed together. but it was not for the kids. what happened was my husband confessed to me and I was of course livid. Now he was just going to leave. As mad as I was I did not want to blow my kids whole world apart so I told him that he was to stay { not sleep in my bed!] In the mean time we would get our financial situation in order and take some counselling in order to make things as ok for the kids as possible when we split.We went for a few months and discovered where the problems we had,the reasons he had for cheating came from. we also discovered we loved each other very much and did not want a divorce. A few months turned in to a year and a half, I found i could get over the s*x but not the lies it took a lot of hard work { we are still working} to gain back the trust.

So I guess what i'm tyring to tell you is it can work if the love is there and the effort is put in for the long haul.

Answer 5

If its just for the kids and thats it then no I don't think it'll ever work!  It'll be like your putting on a play for your kids to watch!  Your kids will be happier if both of you are happy and not just faking it! Now if it's because you love each other and still want it to work for the both of you, then there is still a chance,  and you can be able to trust someone again but it takes time and a lot of it!  He has to understand also the trust issues your going through and has to earn that trust back!  The problem is, is he willing to do that you know be ready for accusations, the questions or where was he at, where are you going,  the checking up you will be doing and etc.  Are you willing to put yourself through that stress of wondering all the time when hes not home or has to do something if thats what he's really doing!   Its going to take a lot of work but  if you both still love each other enough to try and make it work then there is a possibility!  You need to follow your heart, and do what you feel is right! All women have that 6th sense of just knowing things and gut feelings of knowing what they need to do,  listen to that!

Answer 6

Firstly, you have to learn to forgive.

Secondly, you have to learn to forgive yourself for forgiving him.

If you can pass these two stages, you will be fine.

If you can't, admit it and it's never your fault for not able to forgive.

Move on, cuz rainbows don't appear once in a life time, you know. God bless you. )

Answer 7

Counseling if done properly would help each partner express their deepest feelings to each other, and examine together the strengths and weaknesses of their marriage. What does each want, and can the marriage provide that?

Life works because humans learn how to forgive.  I'll bet your parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, etc., etc., have all let you down in some way at some time.  Marital infidelity is profoundly painful but it is still for you to decide if the relationship means enough for you to try to forgive and move forward.  It will be a process and take time and effort on both parts.

If your partner works to demonstrate greater trustworthiness, yes you can repair damaged trust.

Many people have stayed together to give children a stable home while growing up, and that is a reasonable option to consider from my point of view.  I also know couples who have decided to live together but sort of go their own ways.

There is no ideal marriage out there.  They all require work, patience, compassion, forgiveness.  If yours can give you some of what you most need out of your life, give it a chance.   Good luck to you.

Answer 8

yes, yes, yes. In the end we split anyway i was sorry i dragged it out would have been better for everyone had i just cut ties fast. We tried about a year i never felt the same about him. I started to acually HATE him. That was YEARS ago it was way better to just let it go.