Cheaters...why cant you jut leave the person you cheated on alone?

Question

My wife of 12 years left about 6 months ago but started cheating about 1 yr ago. She is 34 and I am 31. I field for divorce last november. In the beggining when she would come and go I was very hurt and was always in her face beggin ehr to come back. She complained that I made it worse by not giving her space. So she said she wanted space and time...so I dont call her or contact her at all and give her the space and time she wanted....but now she calls me...I had a week free from the kids ( I have them full time) and she called me 4 times...she sends me messages on myspace and through email that I do not respond to. Its not like she is beating down my door to come back but she is still trying to contact me wondering what I am doing. If you dont want to come back...why is she bothering me? It was too painful for me to speak wiht her knowing she is out there cheating so I asked her to leave me alone for a while so I can get over it or at least learn to deal with it. Why do cheaters hold on to what they dont want?

Answer 1

wow i could see that in my future..if you still want her id tell her the doors always open but in the mean time move on a bit distance yourself even more...im starting to relieze the only want what they cant have and miss what they had when its gone..ill never truly understand but hey A for effort.

Answer 2

Either they realise they'd rather be with the person they cheated on and were somehow too stupid to realise it before, or they are just cruel at heart and can't stop harrassing them! The best thing to do in this situation is to block all contact with them. I would say for most people that would actually be less painful than getting involved with discussions etc. you are doing the right thing stay strong. I'm so sorry this happened to you usually it's guys doing this and to hear it also happens to guys, assuming you didn't cheat too, makes me sad.

Harriet

Answer 3

She does wanna be with you but maybe she didnt realize it till now. Me and my ex husband went threw something similer but he didnt treat me good and was sneaking around and lying well i left but i only did it to see if he would call me or show that he wanted me back he didnt and i started getting stressed and depressed and ended up having s*x with some one he was dating other women and to me that is still cheating. I thought we were really over but we ended up getting together and comming clean and he was hurt and pushed me away and was very mean. HE ended up haven s*x with some women and then would come and have s*x with me and i didnt no and the worst part was she told me they were she even told me how they do it raw and he cums inside her. I didnt wanna believe it and he swore up and down they didnt do anything and would just keep lying to me. Well now he is beggen for me back calles everyday but the difference btw me and you is while we were together we didnt get along and argued everyday. Think about how you and her were and if you were happy and can you live with out her? If you want her back show it cause she will give up sooner or later and it might be hard for you to get her back. Good luck

Answer 4

she has probably discovered the grass isnt really greener on the other side, i went thru a similar situation with my husband... most cheaters imagine a great life out of the same old rut.... then they discover the opposite... my advice.. stand your ground... once a cheater... always a cheater.

good luck to you :)

Answer 5

I understand. My husband for 11 1/2 yrs is asking me for a divorce. I was a stay at home mom and did everything in the house so he can relax from a hard day at work. He started to play LOTRO and now out of the blue about 2 months ago he decided to ask for a divorce. We don't fight we have disagreements but nerver fought. Now we have been fighting like cats and dogs. I think that he is cheating with someone on the game. He acts different and he gets upset over nothing. Everything is about the game and this one female. He tends to forget about the kids and I. I would be okay if he just admit to it. He won't so I push him and that creates fights. If she is just a friend why be upset. Don't know. So I decided that I will leave him alone and not bother. He gets upset when I call him by his first name and he gets upset when I don't talk to him. I'm trying to get away from him. I want to separate from him and take the kids with me. He wants me to leave them with him. I said NO. He don't pay any attention to them now what makes me think that he will pay attention to them when I'm gone? The bad thing about it is that he is in the ARMY. We are in SC and I don't know how to get home(CA). I don't have a car or the money for me and my kids to get back home. So I kinda understand what you are going through. Sorry you have to go through this. We are also in our 30s. (37 and I'm 33) Just hang in there and keep your head straight. This is what I keep telling myself. It is easier said then done. I know that much.  

Answer 6

simple! they are selfish.. when she cheated she didnt think of your feelings she didnt think of her kids!  she thought only of herself and what she wanted!  shes still doing the same by contacting you.. shes trying to hold on (she dont want you to move on and be happy)  she wants to do her thing and also know she has you right where she wants you.. shes playing games and is imature and probably always will be...

Answer 7

people always want what they cant have!!!

I think that she realized that she made a mistake and wants you back in her life. Even if its just to talk to her from time to time, people always make mistakes its human nature.

Try to talk to her to see what she wants.

its sounds like you guys acted with your hurt emotions instead of taking the time to think about how your decisions will affect you.

Its hard when you have been cheated on with someone who you thought that you knew You guys have been through alot together. You have kids together.  

Talk to her...even if its just to say how she made you feel...that will help both of you to deal with the problem.  

Answer 8

I have never been a cheater, but I think she wants the best of both worlds.  She knew you would give her the space she needed and be there to take her back, but it seems to have to be on her terms.  Don't go back with her for the kids sake, it won't help them.  They will see that you CAN be happy and will therefore be happy also.  You sound like a great father.

Answer 9

when she was with you, you were a good husand and a good man and she took you for granted. Now that she has lost you...she wants it back.

When you were trying to get her back, she knew that she can have her fun and come back to you whenever she wanted. Now that you have broken contact she is not so confident.

I know its hard. I know it wont be easy. But for your own sake and for the happiness of your kids, you should not get back together. You need to find someone that appreciates you for you and makes you happy. Your ex, will in the short term, do everything to treat you like a king. Just remember this: A person is not who they are in one moment in time. A person is who they are over the years you have known them.

If she has treated you badly in the past...she will do it again.  

Answer 10

To give them time to make sure what they are leaving for is better. They know what they currently have and what its like so they don't want to completely loose that person in the event the gamble they took on the new person fails you are doing the right thing stay strong and let her know you are not going to play the fool and she only has one choose she can't keep the door open while she explores. She just wants to make sure you haven't found anyone because she feels that will seal her fate.

Answer 11

Begging her??   thats' your problem..  a good Bit$h slapping would have worked better.   MAN UP with your next GF....   write this one off...  she wanted a man she got you instead.. so she's heading out...

Answer 12

She enjoys hurting you or is getting even with you for things you did in the past.. you need a girlfriend.

Answer 13

She is selfish. All cheaters are selfish, insecure people who are only thinking of themselves.

You did the right thing by standing up for yourself. You deserve better than what this woman can offer so, stick to your guns and tell her that her questions are out of line and the communication needs to be about the kids.

I wish you luck.

Answer 14

Uncertainty. Now that she's off the hook, she realizes her whimsical adulterous romance is a lot more flimsy than she realized.  

Good luck and take care of those kids!