Cheating husband after only two months of marriage?

Question

Usually I'm the one who is everyone's advice giver, and listens to all my friends problems, and usually I know what to say, but I'm stuck on this one and I need your insight:

My best friend and her boyfriend had a child together back in Feb of 2008 and they decided to get married in July of 2008. I got a disturbing call from her last night, and basically she just found out that her husband has an incognito my space page, that no one knows about, he's listed as single, basically trying to pick up some ladies in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania... which is where he will be living while she is in Iraq. (She's in the military) He copied and pasted the same message to 29 girls basically saying, "I'm new to this my space thing, looking to meet someone new, you are very beautiful, hope to talk to you soon sweetie." He was sending these messages last Friday and Saturday. I'm sure it can go without saying that she was beside herself. She confronted him and asked him if there was anything that he has done that is wrong since they have been married... of course he looked at her like she was crazy and denied it... so she brought up the my space page, threw her laptop in his lap, and walked out. She called me hyperventilating, and freaking out. She is headed to the middle east in 3 weeks, and she doesn't even know if her marriage is going to last, and if she can trust her husband. This is probably an all time low. I told her she needs to seek counsel to see what her rights are, and she needs to get tested for STD/HIV, because she's not sure what he's done already, and seeing how they are married they don't have protected s*x. I tried calming her down, but I'm not sure what else I can say to her. I pretty much think the marriage is over, and she should file for separation, but I don't wanna tell her that. What do you think?

It's hasn't been two months and he's already pulling this c**p.

Answer 1

You are 100% right. Tell her what you told us. This will never work out. Apparently he wasn't ready to settle down and maybe the child was the reason he agreed to get married. People like these are just scum, it's impossible to trust him, he already planned how to cheat on her while she'll be in Iraq. No counseling will help here.

Answer 2

Yes, she absolutely needs to go through with the divorce, there is nothing there worth saving. The guy is a total loser and I'm surprised she was so unaware of this before the wedding. As it stands now, her only option is a fast divorce, the sooner the better.

Answer 3

She doesn't have proof that he's cheating, just proof that he's immature, bored and sending messages to anonymous strangers on the internet.  I think the main issue is her abandoning her baby so soon and the grave possibility she may leave a motherless child with an aforementioned immature father.  Her best course of action is for her to stay put to be with her child and send her husband to war in her place. Maybe it'll make a man out of him.

Answer 4

This marriage was doomed from the start. First, you make it seem like it was sort of a formal agreement to get married because of a child. Probably for better benefits in the military. I didn't here they fell in love with each other. Just married out of convenience. Then they are newlyweds with child, and she is going away. I would tell my friend to cut her losses, admit to herself she made a mistake and move on. He doesn't love her!!

Answer 5

SOUND LIKE YOU ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO SAY. I KNOW ITS HARD TO TELL YOUR BEST FREIND THE HARD TRUTH BUT WHO ELSE IS GOING TO TELL HER. ALL YOU CAN DO IS GIVE HER YOUR ADVICE AND BE THERE FOR HER IN WHAT EVER SHE DOES. IT HAS ONLY BEEN 2 MONTHS AND SHE IS HERE, IT WILL BE WORSE WHEN SHE LEAVES, AND SHE CANT HAVE THAT ON HER MIND WHILE SHE IS THERE, IT WILL MAKE IT HARDER FOR HER. WHAT EVER YOU DO, YOU CAN NEVER STAY TOGETHER JUST FOR THE KID. THAT COULD HURT THE KID MORE IN THE LONG RUN. GOOD LUCK, STAY STRONG AND BE THE GOOD FRIEND IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE

Answer 6

You are a really good friend, being there for her. That is all you can do sweetie. Be her shoulder to cry on. Give her the best advice you can and it sounds like you are already doing that. She should dump this loser. I feel badly for your friend, risking her life in the military and now she has to deal with her bum a*s husband from far away. I hope it all works out for her.  

Answer 7

fear of commitment

Answer 8

Her marriage will not last. It is the truth. They had a child together. That is the only reason they got married. He didnt' want to get married. I can tell by his actions. He wants to be single and party and has no interst in a family. Her best bet is to cut her losses and find a mate that really cares about her. Just because they have a child together doesn't guarantee love. In fact many times it causes a break up. Children have a way of either strengthening an already great relationship or breaking up a rocky one.  

Answer 9

She needs to walk the h**l away and contact and attorney.

She should get the money out of joint accounts, and move in with her parents.

Answer 10

it's probably not even his.  She needs to get over herself.

Answer 11

WOW, he sounds like a pig, but I'm sure you already know that. If she's leaving for Iraq soon, she needs to settle this now and get her head on where it needs to be. She can't deploy and be worrying about this, it could get her killed. She should end it and move on. This I think says a lot of the kind of person he really is. And your advice to her about getting checked is right on. Who knows where he's been. What a jerk! Just be there for her.

Answer 12

That is really messed up.I would confront him,then get counseling,if that doesn't work,she should divorce him.NOBODY deserves that.She should get tested for any stds.