Cheating husband.. sick to my stomach -advice please?

Question

so....

a while ago i started to 'wonder' about my husband. he would always go on the computer late at night and close the door. a few days ago i saw him on msn chat and he closed the chat as soon as i came into the room...

anyways i asked him for his password into his email account and he told me. (he gave me the wrong password- but i ended up getting into his account anyways)

i found numerous emails saying stuff like'

i also found emails with passwords to 'hookup hotel' and some other site...

i contacted one of the ladies that he sent an email to and she said that she started talking to him on lava life august 2007 (when we got married) stopped talking to him november 2007...

i asked my hubby about the 'hookup hotel' and he blamed it on one of his friends brothers.. (which i do partly believe because he told me about that ealier).. but i have doubts because he has a profile and some of the stuff is really recent like august 15th....

he also denyed the emails about hooking up and said they were just jokes and stuff like that.

so what do i do??? i really love him and want our marriage to work...but i can't get this out of my mind! i printed off the emails incase i need them for divorce. he went into his email account after and deleted everything..

i also know he has two other email addresses and i can't help but wonder what are in those!

he told me if i divorced him, he would sue me because of invasion of privacy- can he actaully do that!?!

here is my pic. hope you like. my cell number is 710-****. contact me and we can hook up..' and stuff like that.

Answer 1

He is busted , if he is freakin gout about sueing you about invasion of privacy... He is hidding something.

either he needs to sit down and make an effort , or hold on and an get everything you can from it and walk away

Answer 2

He could press changes for going into this e-mail account. Not sure how far he'd get with that.

Sounds like you need to get out if you've only been married for a year and it's already turning out like this.

Answer 3

Your husband is trying to play the field while married.  He cannot do anything about invasion of privacy because of the fact it is your home as well.  He is trying to scare you because he is in the wrong.  I would nip this one in the bud and tell him that you no longer trust him on the computer any longer.  It would be me or the computer if I was in your shoes.  He took the relationship for granted and I feel he should suffer the consequences.

Answer 4

Many of the problems you may be facing could be just the tip of the iceberg

on what is really happening in your marriage. I dont mean to scare you but

many problems when they either first show up or if they keep reoccurring

could be just whats showing from a larger problem that either you or your

spouse cannot even see. One of the only things you can do to help is to talk

honestly and openly with each other in the marriage. If things become more

serious more serious options need to be looked at as possibilities. I have a

blog that has more information on some of what I've been writing about. If

you feel like checking it out I would completly suggest it.

http://howtogetmyexback1.blogspot.com/

Love is a choice that is made everyday when you wake up and every night when

you go to sleep. Some days you may not feel the original feeling but love

isnt a feeling or an emotion. Its an action a verb. Falling out of love may

just mean you need to spice things up a little or that you were never in

love in the first place. Don't just get out of a marriage just because you

don't think you like the person anymore.

Answer 5

Hate to say this... You husband is hooking up!!!

Answer 6

...A sadly common situation.  You know as well as everyone else that he's lying.  If you want to discover the truth, without any further doubt, install a keylogger on your computer...

www.spectorsoft.com

www.mykeylogger.com

Good luck, and God bless.

Answer 7

Go in and say you forgot your password to get into his other email accounts and put in his personal info, it worked for me. I would say your marriage was over before it began. He probably has been doing it a while. Men can be caught red handed and deny, deny, deny.... like we were the ones imaging things.

How long have you two been together?

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 8

I am SO sorry this happened to you. Nobody deserves that. I know you love him but i honestly just don't think he's going to change. You don't keep secrets like that in a healthy marriage. You didn't do anything wrong. He's the one at fault. As for the suing you for invasion of privacy, I don't think he can do that. I think that because in marriage, u say "whats mine is yours" lol so technically it could be urs too. also he told u the "password" even if it was the wrong one he still told u a password to it. so he knew u were gonna look.

Contact a lawyer. They can give you the best legal advice. My parents are lawyers and have dealt with divorces before.

I'm sorry this happened. I really am. You deserve to be married to someone who is honest and trustworthy. I wouldn't be able to trust him now.

Best wishes!!! x

Answer 9

he cant sue you. that same thing happened to me.4 years ago .DO not stay with this man.i stayed with my husband.because he told me loved me and would never do it a gain.3 years later he was doing it again.i don't want to see that happen to you.stop thinking about his other email accounts , it will only drive you crazy.get copy's of his cell phone bill so you can see who he has been calling ,also check for texts.get what you can and take it to a lawyer.and kick your mans *** out.and remember what he has done to you is NOT YOUR FAULT.take care of your self.and good luck.

Answer 10

Of course he's gonna deny everything. No cheater will ever come clean on their own. The truth is - he's got other accounts out there, and he's trolling for women online. Can you deal with this? If not, I suggest you start thinking about fixing your mistake and filing for an annulment or divorce. If he already has no respect for your marriage, imagine what's gonna happen as the time goes on.

Answer 11

haha hes embarssed now

Answer 12

Lies, lies, lies! I wouldnt believe a word of it...the "oh, that was a joke" is even a lame lie, he can at least be convincing.

No, he cant sue you for invasion of privacy in a divorce, especially since you found him cheating online, thats pretty lame, too.

I'd get rid of him if he refused to come clean. Do you want to be 50 years old and still chasing off women and crying about him being unfaithful?

Answer 13

you need couple counseling.  if he is unwilling to go with you then go alone.  both of you need to sit down and talk.  sounds like he is not ready to settle down.  he got caught this time but what about the next time?  

good luck

Answer 14

he wouldnt get very far on the sueing you, because he technically "gave" you his password, even if it was the wrong one, its all here-say. and he would just be wasting his money. on the other part, i would keep your eyes open, and look for little things that seem off, or if you really want to get him, go to that site and make your own account and find him and try hooking up with him while pretending to be someone else, that will let you know if he is really cheating or not...

Answer 15

I think you have answered your own question. Yes he is doing things he should not be doing behind your back. Even if he is not hooking up why is he even out there talking to other ladies. I would not like this at all. As far as him getting you for invasion of privacy who is he kidding. Not a shot... I would keep a close eye on your computer. Check his history when he gets off line to see what sites he is looking at. I'm sorry it just does not sound right to me...Good Luck  

Answer 16

my wife was doing the exact same thing i honestly confronted her about it she said she was just messing around but she started going out late. lying were she was going and then i found it again she said we were to young to get married after i seen her taking a picture of her down stairs and sent it to him over the phone. She started threating me with divorce all the time even for the little things(good luck)

Answer 17

I hate to tll you but with the emails you have, you really dont have any soli evidence to support your claim that hes cheating and the courts would throw all that out the window. Besides if you filed divorce the courts dont really care why anymore. He cant sue you maily because he gave you his password even though wrong, he had the intention of letting you in his computer files. So basically all this comes down to absolutely squat which neither of you can do anything at all with except maybe for a good laugh to make up with. That lady you talked with probably wont appear in court and besides adultery is not illegal

Answer 18

My sympathy's.

It sounds like you are young, and he is even younger (chronologically or emotionally).  If this were a 20+ year marriage w/kids I'd say see a marriage counselor, however......

Tell your mom and dad and hopefully they can get a family law attorney and get you out of this disaster before it goes any further.  You are blessed in that you haven't any children (I pray)

It will get worse before it will get better.  File asap.  Mary

Answer 19

You can put a dress on a pig, but it is still just a pig. Divorce him. You can't change his ways. He wants cake AND icecream too.

Answer 20

I`m sorry to hear all of this, and there is time and a way to help your marriage recover. But first he needs to accept what he`s done and not deny it. If he denies it, it will only create a deffensive response all the time, blaming you for looking into his stuff and blaming you for not trusting him. It could make you feel really bad and for some reason women tend to believe this accusations. But you have all the rights to look ino his stuff if you feel suspicious because you`re his wife and although we all keep being individuals, we have no rights to hide anything frowm our spouse.

So first step is acceptance from him. Obviously he also needs to want to be in the marriage and make it work, make it up for you and realize this will take time and a lot of effort on both parts.

After acceptance you need to be prepare to forgive. Not right away, first he needs to prove himself to you again, but you will need to forgive at some point to forget all this.

And third, counseling or join a church group. I mention both because they are quite different. In counseling you meet a psycologist who specializes in marriage and will help you get through your problem by talking to you both separately, then together and with time you`ll recover from all this. It does help and she points out things you never want to accept from one another.

And joining a church group is counseling through God and real life marriage experiences helping you through prayers and talking about their own experiences and how they dealt with everything.

I believe convincing a man to go to any of this counselings is essential in a problem like yours, and most likely he`ll choose the psycologist, depending on his religious beliefs, and yours too.

If you could do both it be even better! But I give you this options for you to start thinking on how to deal with this situation.

Answer 21

He's threatening you because he knows he just got busted.... And the fact that he dumped all his email proves it.... If a wife has feelings thather husband is cheating... he usually IS.....

Answer 22

Get a lawyer and divorce him. Except very rare cases, once a cheater always a cheater. You don't know what kind of STD's a cheater will bring to the relationship, go see a doctor too. You deserve better and he's not it.

Good luck

Answer 23

Here's the thing...

I know this hurts you, and it hurts you badly, but please do not allow your love to blind you.

Maybe you need a close friend's perspective, or maybe us friends on Y/A can help you out but you need to listen to what I'm saying very carefully.

To those of us not in your situation, who are not blinded by love and can actually see this for what it is.. he is lying to you and this is absolutely ridiculous.  Your husband is cheating on you.  Even if he never pentrated another woman what you found on the computer alone is cheating.  Not only is he cheating, but he's lying about it which is almost even worse in my opinion because it proves you can never trust him.

Can you live with this if he promises to change, or is this enough to drive you to have your marriage end in divorce?

If you cannot live with this:  get a lawyer and divorce him.  No, I do not believe he can sue you for invasion of privacy -- the two of you were married and you read an e-mail, big deal!  Even if you get some whacked out Judge who scolds you for reading the e-mail, I HIGHLY doubt you'll be prosecuted for such.  If you'd be happier leaving him, then leave him.  Only you know what's best for you.  Typically, I do not condone divorce but if there's infidelity or abuse then I say go for it if you'd be happier.

If you think you can live with this:  Talk to him and do it now.  Explain to him that you'd love to remain in a marriage with him but you need him to be 100% open and honest with you.  Have a discussion with him and tell him what you will and will not live with.  He has to understand that in order for you to be able to trust him again, he needs to be totally open and not private with you -- you're married, there is no privacy in a marriage.  He should do the following.

-Remove all passwords from his cell phone and voicemail.

-Delete ALL but ONE of his e-mail accounts, and give you the password to the ONE account that he chooses to keep, allowing you access 24/7.

-Answer an questions you may have, not only about the past and what happened and what he did, but also about his whereabouts.

If he's willing to do these things for you, then that would show me that he's willing to be honest with you in the future.  Try not to take advantage of his new, open honesty though.  I know it will hurt for a long time, but you need to understand that you have to try, eventually, to put a little blind faith back into your husband.  If you check up on him all the time, you will find yourself unable to trust him.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck.  You deserve to be loved and cared about and treated with respect -- don't settle for less. :)

Answer 24

sweetie i am sorry to hear this! wow so stupid i swear! anyways i can't sue you 4 ****! hello he is cheating on you and that is that! he should be ashamed of himself! sweetie do whatever you can to be happy and if you want to divorce him just do it! take care sweetie and i wish you the best from the bottom of my heart!