Cheating spouse, what do I do?

Question

I have been with my partner 5 years, we are getting married in 2 months, and are trying to have a baby. Four days ago, I got a message from someone I thought was my fiances 'friend' and she tells me that she slept with my partner several times last year. I approached my partner about it and after profusely denying it, he finally admitted to sleeping with her twice. Once when we first moved in together, and once when we were 'on a break' (it was a weekend break before we got back together). He also continued talking to this girl since then until recently. He swears it was only the 2 times and his reasons were that I was more experienced than him before we started dating and I was going to be the only one he'd be with ever (he was a virgin when we met). After the break we had (apparently the second and last time he slept with her), he came and proposed to me. I was suspicious at the time as he was deleting computer history, hiding his cell phone, deleting messages and hiding his instant messenger conversations. He's also given me permission to 'cheat' to make things 'even'. I kept finding online dating profiles, which is where he met this girl, and everytime i made him delete them, i'd check again in a week and they were back online. So far they've remained deleted, but it's only been 4 days. He swears on everything that she's the only girl he was with and it was only the twice. What should I do? I love him of course, and still want to be with him, but everytime I start to feel ok about everything again, it hits me all over again...

Answer 1

this is going to hurt like a son-of-a -guin., but you can do it...I did.

ever hear of the old saying...once a cheater always a cheater....true.

i loved my husband 18 1/2 yrs. truely.  never knew he was horsing around until he brought home a vd.  i had it for ten plus years and didn't know it. three surgeries and thought i was dieing. he still kept his secret.

i lost the ability to have more children (had one) and will still be hauted by the events to lead up to finding out. he finally confessed. Clymidia may never carry symtoms. i had none.  once he told me...off to the dr. for tests. i was fear ful of aides.

in having it so long i have more problems even 15 yrs later.

you are better than that. you are cutting your self short.

he has no remorse.   he has already admitted to may affairs.

cancel the wedding. hold your head HIGH. you have done nothing wrong. you didn't deserve this. be proud that you have the strenght to leave the relationship.

you will not fall out of love right away. it will take time. i promise it will happen and you will be so glad you never went ahead with the marrage.

you will find the right one. the one that deserves you.  the next love will feel different. you may not reconize it at first..but honey..when you do you will fell the heaven's open up..

promise.

mmm

Answer 2

Come on give me a break!! you have to stop this, think carefully,till you what? my self i can not stand this,please tell me when you find out way to solve this big problem,please.  

Answer 3

You need to get away from this loser and stay away. All your going to have with this loser if you stay with him,is pain and sorrow.You will be looking over your shoulder all the time waiting for the other shoe too drop,and believe me that is know fun. Get on with your life,and maybe somewhere down the road you will meet someone who will be true and honest with you, about everything.You deserve too have someone you can trust. I know it might be painful at first,but it would be more painful if you stay with him in the long run. Good Luck and God Bless You,I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 4

No one should treat you like this.  I can sympathise with how much you love him - believe me, I understand, and want to be with him - but is it worth the doubt you know you'll feel every time he's not around, wondering if he's seeing her?  You need to think about *you* in this situation.  Giving you 'permission' to cheat back, just shows how much he does not understand the point of why you are upset.  Something like this can't be forgiven, unless, of course, you are a very forgiving person.  Please think about your own happiness in this situation and whether you'd be able to live with everything after what has happened.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 5

sry

Answer 6

Sweetie? How old are you? I guaranteed that no matter the age this is not the end of your life and you shouldnt settle for less.  I guaranteed he has slept with this girl more than what he told you and even though it hurts like h**l right now...it will hurt WORSE later when you find more details about this affair. You find out about online sites, hes kept in contact with this girl, and you've actually made her a friend. Trusting her. His reasons are dumb and if they are true which I am sure they are not he is immature as h**l. You are not a dumb woman. That is no reason for cheating.He cant take it back and if he was really trying to "make up" for his mistake he would have cut all contact with the girl and told her to not call him anymore. Ya'll  broke up for a WEEKEND and he thought it was really over? It took him TWO days to hop in the bed with someone else! You know why! Because he loves you in his own SELFISH AND IMMATURE way and he obviously has been talking with her for a while and he felt COMFY enough to jump in bed with her. THAT was going to happen whether you brke up or not. The fact that you did break up just gave him a weak excuse. Please leave him alone. You guys are trying to build a life together and hes already messing up. Ma ma it gets no better than this. If he really loved you he would have let you go. Of course he cant stand seeing you be with someone else. There is no getting even. Hes selfish. Period. I believe he proposed to you more out of guilt than love AND to cover up your suspiciions about him. Please use protection and put off trying for a baby and getting married. Hes not ready. He wont be ready anytime soon. I suggest you get out of this relationship and kick him out of the house. Is his name on the lease? Please tell me its not. Nothing he can say or do will make up for the pain, hurt, and trust that he has cost and lost with you. The only thing you can do is start over. Fresh. With someone who deserves you. Im sorry you had tyo go through this and SORRy this is so d**n long.LOL!

Answer 7

He is cheating on you like this and you are not even married. And seems to me that he asked you to marry him out of guilt. My question is How did she get your cell number? Has she ever been in your home or something? I think that he is still seeing this woman and he wants the best of both worlds.

If I were you I would break it off...at least put the mariage on hold until he can prove his trust back to you. Good Luck

Answer 8

It looks like to me if you marry him now, it is only a matter of time till you too - break up.  Let him get it out of his system - then if you two still want to get married - go ahead.  I am 45 and know a lot of people that have married - had childern - then he tells her he wants to be free to date (" I was never able to have this life and want it")  You will have a hard life if you marry him. He is not ready!! I married at 30 - got it all out of my system - things are good because I do not look back at what could have been.

Answer 9

are you serious?!?! you are setting yourself up for HUGE heartbreak later on down the track. if you think this is bad, just wait 2 see whats coming... whether you see it or not, this guy is a JERK. whats going 2 stop him from sleeping with anybody else? and he's just gonna make up excuses and he knows he can get away with it!!!! hunny, find someone who TRUELY LOVES YOU BECAUSE HE DOESNT. you were faithful.... he wasnt. pleeeeeeease dont do this :(  

Answer 10

You should not get married to any one  you can't trust.  

He does not REALLY love you, no one who does offers their loved one a chance to go out and be intimate withh another.



Give yourself some thought time and you'll see this is destined for failure.

Answer 11

if he already experienced having s*x with another women ,he will continued,he could swear and apologize but if this women kept on contacting him ,she will continue aswell,I think the reason this women came out and told you the truth is because something might still be going on,all i know that once a man cheats they will continue later on the path..if you get married now later on you are going to waste more money getting a divorce...is upto you but you might get hurt again,you dont want to be married with a man that played you dirty and then you not trusting him,thinking if he is sleeping with another women then sleeping with you.Thats how STD is spread .Do the right thing..you dont have to break up with him but tell him that you are not ready to get married.good luck

Answer 12

if you did have a baby and it was a girl and she was in your shoes what would you tell her??If you marry him you might as well get geared for a long life of looking over his shoulders and doubt.Once trust is broken the whole deal changes drasticaly.Starting out on the wrong foot is not gonna help your relationship at all