Check out my poem and tell me what you think?

Question

I wrote this poem when I was in drug rehab. It is an apology to my parents for the pain that i caused during my addiction. Enjoy!

Mom and Dad

I'm sorry for the thing I said

I'm sorry for the things I've done

The drugs got a hold of me

And almost nearly won

It beat me to the ground

And brought me to my knees

I tried to hide my feelings

So that nobody sees

So when you tried to help me

I turned the other way

My heart had turned to ice

I wouldn't care what you would say

I wasn't the son you raised

The boy who used to laugh

I was a totally different person

I wasn't myself, not even half

Now as my mind clears

I see where I was wrong

It was you guys all along

Who helped to keep me strong

With you guys behind me

My heart will slowly melt

With you right beside me

I'll deal with feelings I've never felt

So when this is all over

I pray that you will see

You will get back something you lost

Your Son...Your Boy...Me

Answer 1

It is pretty good.  Try revising it sothat all the lines have the same number of syllables so it flows more smoothly.  Example for the last paragraph:

So when all of this is over

Then I will pray that you do see

You'll get back something that you lost

It is your son your boy it's me

Same thought but all the lines have eight syllables

Answer 2

ITS realy  GOOOD i like it ...... make more poems.... n let us read it n enjoy!!!!!!!

Answer 3

i like it

Answer 4

It's very nice, but try implying things rather than just saying them. Take the last two lines of the first stanza:

The drugs got a hold of me, and very nearly won.

Take that thought, and make it so it doesn't say drugs. Give it something to work with: images, emotions. It doesn't need to say drugs. It can talk about the monster tearing you apart or anything else. Put your feelings into the poem, rather than your words. Words are great and all, but they're nothing without emotion and sincerity.

A couple of other things: the last two lines of the second verse are in two different tenses for no apparent reason; the fourth and sixth verse sound like you're trying too hard for rhyme. Rhyme isn't necessary--if you want, make it free verse.

Answer 5

That is so beautiful.

It says the most meaningful, deep things though such a straightforward aproach.

Your parents will value it forever!