Check out my writing tell me what you think?

Question

so ill sing ill sing so loud singing out into the empty crowd your voice haunts me now oh how i wish i could of changed how things went down i let go of your hand and left you standing there all alone you were so hurt so scared and alone and i can still remember the words that you said on the phone so ill tell you I'm sorry and hope that i can make it right but i no I'm too late so ill turn and say goodbye and as you breath i can hear sigh i still remember how bright your eyes shined on the starie nights you would tell me that you loved me and promise me forever and id promise you id never let go but i walk away and left you hanging there i acted like i didn't care i miss the way it was there i loved you so i held you tight i kissed your lips on that beautiful night now there is noting left but memories that haunt me like an ugly shadow following me where ever i go i cant get away for the memories of your love so please let me say I'm sorry and I'm here to stay don't tell me its too late let me be by your side don't close the door don't make me cry...........

Answer 1

i think you really have tallent. it also sounds as if your hurting, did someone brake your heart or did you brake theirs.

Answer 2

Sort of lyrical.

You should know that the phrase is could have contracted to could've and NOT could of like you have it in the second line.

I agree with the first answer too.  But I don't object to the form.  It is as much poetry as prose, in my view.

Answer 3

YOU NEED STRUCTURE. THIS IS PROSE, NOT POETRY. BE CAREFUL HOW YOU DO THIS, IT BUGS ME IMMENSELY.

In addition, you need to fix up the spelling and grammar. Not only that, but you need serious help with your wording, if you would like me to help you fix it up email me at [e-mail]