Child Custody Question...Can you help?

Question

My fiancee has a 2 year old boy with another guy. I have been with her for over a year. (we've known each other for several years) Anyway, the biological father is suppose to pay $270 per month for child support, but he keeps quitting jobs every time child support recovery catches up with him. The problem is, he still wants to see the kid even though he wont help support him. (the child knows me as "daddy") He only wants to see the kid for 10 minutes every 2 - 4 weeks or when his family is in town. I told her that if its the child support she's worried about, We don't need it! I own a transportation company and make six figures. He cant hold a job at walmart because of child support. She wants sole custody of the child but FEARS he may get unsupervised visits or sole custody. I told her that the mother usually gets custody and besides that, him changing jobs all the time does not look good to any judge. She also says the fathers name is not on the birth certificate, but she has cashed previous child support checks. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Don't listen to the change the birth certificate answer.  This would open a huge can of worms and he can sue her for whatever child support that he has paid and for emotional distress.  If he gets a paternity test done that proves he is the father, then it could be seen as fraud, opening the door to further lawsuits and possibly criminal charges.  You can report it to child support enforcement and hope that it catches up with him eventually.  Another option is to speak with an accountant about the situation and see if the money could be claimed on her income tax as a bad debt.  If it can, she will not get the entire amount and cannot further pursue the remainder, but at least she has gotten some of what was her due, and the IRS will be after him, because they consider unpaid debts as income.  That might scare him into paying up in the future.  I don't know for sure if child support can be claimed as a bad debt, that is why you should contact an attorney.  She still needs to honor visitation, because if he has an argument that she is keeping him away from the child or engaging in isolation of affection, this gives him a great springboard to file for joint or even full custody.

Answer 2

This is all taken care of in court. He is not required to sign off on his parental rights, even if he is not paying the support payments. This is the only way you could adopt the child after you get married. All you can do is keep fighting through the court system. He would not likely get custody even if he was paying the support and was an upstanding citizen. Mothers normally get custody.  

Answer 3

if he is not named on the birth certificate he is NOT the father. you can after you get married, change (your) son's birth cert and tell the other guy to take a leap!! let the child support go, you are the better parent.

Answer 4

Sounds like there is a support order on file if he's supposed to pay $270/week, so somewhere paternity was established either by DNA or voluntarily; visitation is not tied to support - a father must support his child but cannot be forced to "visit"; if mom denies visitation, she can be held in contempt whether support is paid or not; either parent can peitition for sole custody (petition, not necessarily win) but even if it's granted, this does not affect child support, again separate issues.

The only way "out" would be if the father relinquished rights so that you can adopt him.  This is rarely granted in this type of situation because courts do not look at support in regards to relinquishment of rights - to do so would look much like child selling.

The father can continue to quit jobs - have your GF contact support enforcement if she hasn't already.  It's a slow process because people can be tricky but it eventually catches up with them.  If he is able-bodied a judge will usually not be sympathetic to the "can't hold down a job" excuse.  Even if this excuse is accepted, it is not retroactive to any arrearage.

Finally - the situation is annoying and aggravating.  It's very difficult to sit by and watch someone evade their responsibility to their child and then "show up" for visitation.  But the heart of the matter is what is best for the child.  Sounds like he has a role model in you.  Sounds like the financial aspect is not really a financial matter but an emotional matter.  Perhaps you consider supporting the child, letting the "support" go but ONLY as far as letting it go emotionally - put it in the hands of support enforcement.  It's tempting to punish the guy but realistically it's punishing the child - there's a deep emotional need to connect with biological parents and a loss that remains when that connection is severed.