Child Psychology Help - 4.5 Year Old Tantrums?

Question

I think I really have been a good parent so far, However there is one problem I don't know how to handle.

I bring my child to all the events I can. To get him involved and play with other children. The problem I have is when there is a contest or when someone win's something.

He literetly gets so mad that he did not win or he wasn't selected. He yells and cries and it gets very frustrating for me and everyone around us. So what do I do? I take him away from the situation and let him cool down. However it really doesn't ever cool him down. He just wont let it go!

Let me give another example. The performer was giving away her cd to the best dancer to her songs. She could not select a winner so she asked everyone their birthdays. My son was running around so she missed him. She awarded her CD to another child. And I spent the rest of her performance trying to calm him down because she did not ask him "His" birthday. How should I handle him in these frustrating situations?

Answer 1

This is totally normal.  Kids don't acquire good sportsmanship until ages 7-8 from what I have seen.  Removing him from the situation to try and calm down is good.  I like the empathy idea too, try preparing him beforehand that not everybody wins and that is ok.  I am still having this issue with my 7 yr old.  I always ask well then do you want to leave, and that usually helps because he doesn't.

Answer 2

I think you should start with empathy for others...show him when he wins all the time it isn't fair for the other kids..ex: 'look how sad Mikey is, you know how that feels, right?'  'let's go share your 1st prize treat with your him to show him you're glad he's was there to play with you' when he loose remind him that he's won before, and it was someone elses turn to win.  After a while he'll feel good about winning nicely and losing won't hurt as bad.

I also always use karma with my kids.  If they do something nice for someone and something nice happens to them - I say 'karma' and remind them that what goes around goes around and i smile.  When they are rude and selfish and they stub there big toe a bit later...I also say 'karma' and smile again.  It's now a running joke around here, but they think of they're actions more closely now.

as for the CD lady...you need to explain to him since he was the one that ran off to play while the other children stayed in place, he missed the question about his birthday.  It was his own fault for not winning.  It happens...all the time.  He needs to learn soon that his actions can and will determine how his day goes.  It's not up to you to pay attention for him...it's stressful for you and doesn't teach him responsibility.

Good luck!!  I know it's frustrating.  I have 3 kids that win nicely and lose fairly gracefully....though it was a long hard road to travel.