Child Support, unreasonable?

Question

My ex and I have been divorced for 2 yrs. We have joint custody with me having primary physical custody of our 2 kids. In the beginning of our divorce he agreed to always help me with whatever I needed for the kids so, stupid me, I agreed to not make him pay support. For about 3 months that all went well, then he got a gf (now his wife) and the help stopped or I would have to argue and argue and feel like I was begging him to help take care of our kids. Every time I would tell him the kids needed this or that he would tell me he doesn't have the money or that HE has bills to pay. Even though he has a decent job (he brings home about 4000 monthly) Finally I got tired of pleading w/ him and filed for CS. I never let my kids do without, even if I have to pinch every penny to get the things I need for them.

He thinks I am being unreasonable, and wants me to stop the CS proceedings. Am I being unreasonable? I really think me not having to fight w/ him about getting things for the kids is better for the kids. Should I stop the proceedings or go ahead with them?

Answer 1

You are absolutely 110% correct for doing what you did. You shouldn't have to chase him down or beg him to take care of his children. It doesn't matter if he got re married 15 times after you guys divorced, the simple fact is he is a father and needs to take responsibility. The reason he is asking you to stop the proceedings is because he doesn't want child support payments taken directly out of his check. He wants to be in control of how much he gives you. The thing about child support that makes some men upset is you get money even when the kids don't physically need anything. Men like it better when they can just give you money when you need something rather than chipping in for food, clothes, and mortgage. Your kids don't eat for free, dress for free, or live for free. So I think you should proceed fully with the child support, he messed that up. Not you! You gave him a chance to do the right thing, and you should pat yourself on the back for not being the typical divorcee and asking for child support and spousal support right off the back. But I am sure you see now why these women do that because not all men can be trusted to do the right thing. Hope that helps.

Answer 2

Stacie, don't stop pursuing support for those kids.

Let me tell you something, my sons ( I have two sons) their father owes us 35 THOUSAND DOLLARS in child support.  He won't pay it even with child support enforcement chasing him.  He works "under the table" for cash.

I have been remarried thse last six years.  My husband has been providing for us including my sons, as if they were his own.  

One day I will get that $$$, even if the kids are grown, I will get it.

And I won't feel one d**n bit guilty spending it.

Child support debt NEVER goes away.  He can pay up now, when the boys are young, or in 20 years, when they are grown and gone but one day, one sweet day, I will get what is MINE.

So again, have child support enforcement track, and chase his azz, that is the only way you can keep tabs of what he owes you.

Good luck!

Answer 3

No you should go ahead with the proceedings.  He wants you to stop because he doesn't want to be responsible and have to pay a fixed amount.  You do need money for your kids, and he should have been willing to pay some anyway, if so then none of this would have happened.  You deserve to be able to live a decent life as much as he does.  

Answer 4

Hey im Mrs. Fair too, but he had his chance.  I noticed the only time ive ever had problems is when the ex has a new woman in his life. than everything is a hassel.

NO, if youve been dealing w/ this for two years, that was plenty of time.  now you get it every month and dont have to beg for anything.

Answer 5

go a head with them  

Answer 6

Go forward. His girlfriend should not dictate how well your children are cared for. You should not have to get emotionally involved to get him to stand up and help his kids.  

Answer 7

Nope! You go girl! This is for the kids...and the more he resist..the more the courts will hold him to it. Make sure you track all conversations. You have to stick to emails only so you can have his exact words on file for the courts than do it. Just make sure he doesn't know she is his himself and the lawyers and the courts can see how he is realy acting.

Answer 8

People always make you seem like some welfare mom, or gold digger if you try to get help raising your kids from their "father", how is that unreasonable to ask for help he wont give, he shouldnt have to be put on child support to help you care for his own fu**ing kids, go ahead and get the help you need, he should pay a portion of what you have to do, he was there making the kids too. But dont always expect a fair payment from child support, my son father makes $19.00 an hour and only pays $181.00 a month, but it helps out some, so go ahead do what you need, take care.

Answer 9

Keep doing what you are doing. If he had been responsible and continued to help like he had promised then it wouldn't have come to this.You have to think of your children and obviously he needs to as well. Even if you made enough money he did help in the makeing of your children and should have a hand in supporting them. It helps you to, in the fact as you don't have to feel as stressed. Good Luck!

Answer 10

No, you should never have made that agreement in the first place.  You need to go after child support.  Just don't abuse it and make sure the child support goes towards supporting the child, not you.

*edit* Just a side thought here, but you might even be able to go after back child support due to the fact that he hasn't paid anything in such a long time.

Answer 11

You're not being unreasonable at all! He should be helping to support his children financially. Just because they don't always live with him, does not mean they are no longer his responsibility. I would keep giong with the proceedings as it seems like the only way to make sure your children are being supported as much as possible.

Answer 12

No you are not being unreasonable.  You have to do what it takes to get the support that is due to you.  It's not fair for him to get off easy while you are probably over there struggling to make ends meet.  Put him on child support.  He will get over it.  He won't have any choice.

Answer 13

No, you are not being unreasonable, he is because he doesn't want to pay the child support you need to survive and don't back down, cause that's just what he wants you to do.  Worry, about you and your kids not what he can or cannot do, all he is worried about is himself.

Answer 14

File it sister.

Being nice didn't work. Make it legal.

Answer 15

No that is not unreasonable...Go and get the child support that is owed to your kids...They are his kids to and he should help support them...

Answer 16

Go ahead with them! Don't let him get off his duties as a father.

Answer 17

FULLLLLLLLLLLLLL    SPEEDDDDDDD   AHEADDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why should you have to argue with him just to get what the h**l his kids need. Some men just make me sick.