Child abuse??

Question

Yesterday, my step-daughter got off the bus and left the back door of the house open...something we lecture her constantly about. Well yesterday my 2yr old son got out the backdoor and no one knew it, and I found him wandering down the street. I brought him back in and started yelling at my step-daughter who is 6. I was so mad, I told her to get her nose on the wall and pushed her....well she fell strait into the door face first and totally bit the woodwork, causing the window in the door to break. She ended up with a busted lip and a cut on her gum. It was totally an accident, I in no way meant to hurt her, I was just SO mad. She was supposed to talk to her guidance councelor today at school for other school problems, so we made her stay home. I am scared to death they will look at this as child abuse...how worried should I be about this?? The worst thing is, there were 2 other children present who witnessed the accident. Will the school look into it if there is no evidence by Monday?

Answer 1

You are rationalizing child abuse.

You abuse children.

Answer 2

I totally understand you being upset that she left the door open and your son got out but if you are mad at a child for something, physical punishment of ANY kind should not be used. If you punish when you're angry, you're going to go too far and it sounds like you did. Let's put it this way..say she was to go see the counselor, and the counselor was to ask her what happened to her face..and say she told the counselor what happened and how it was an accident? If it truly was an accident, then you wouldn't be worried about someone getting the wrong idea because your step daughter would for surely not give the counselor the wrong story. Why did you tell her to get her nose on the wall anyway? You said yourself that you pushed her. I'm not saying you wanted to hurt her, but I do think that you were pissed off at her so you  put her up to the wall for a time out and since you were so mad, you did it forcefully and out of anger. NEVER touch a child when you're mad. You should really read what you wrote to yourself. You're saying there were witnesses and you're hoping there is no evidence by Monday? Uhm..sounds like you KNOW you did something that was over the line and now you are scared. I hope you give her a big hug and kiss and tell her how sorry you are for "accidentally" pushing her too hard and promise her that you will never lay a hand on her as a punishment again, especially when you're that mad.

Answer 3

Well I think you might want to go to some anger relaxing classes and tell her and all the other children that you are really sorry and wont ever do it again.

Answer 4

I find it really pathetic that you are trying to cover your own *** here. What do you mean, they might think it's child abuse? IT IS! Beating on your child whenever something happens is terrible.

I feel sorry for her, having to deal with you.

Answer 5

Umm this is abuse! And yes they would llok at it as that much! You know it..and thats why your so worried! Kids do stupid $hit get used to it or retire as a parent.. In order to be a parent..it requires all the patience in the world..maybe your not cut out for it and hey some people are not! I mean your 2 year old was wandering down the street how long before you noticed it? I dont know..Maybe you just have too many kids in your home..to keep track of your own?

Answer 6

You are making a ton of excuses for losing your temper and hurting your child--accident or not.  I think you need parenting and anger management guidance. She's SIX--that is old enough to understand you CALMLY explaining to her why it is dangerous to leave the door open, and still young enough to need reminders until it's a habit.  Hitting and shoving are child abuse--plain and simple.

Answer 7

yes this is abuse and u are wrong for this 1. not being responsible watching your son & daughter 2. getting such a bad temper and 3. making excuses about how oh i was mad this... come on the are young children they are still learning about this world and u are the number 1 person to teach them

Answer 8

You need to take all of the blame for this situation. Forget what she did: that became nil when you pushed her. Tell her you are very very sorry and she in no way deserved that, and mean it.

From now on, praise her when she is good with the 2 year old...6 year olds have moments of not knowing what is going on...I am not against a swat on the butt,  but in your case with her that is NOT an option, for rebuilding the relationship. Never.

This happened because YOU are at your limit, it had nothing to do with her and wasn't her fault.

Try not worry it will just stress you out more, try to make it better. And if you think this will happen again, honestly, get help, even if it is just someone to help you watch the kids more often.

Answer 9

"I told her to get her nose on the wall and pushed her"

^ Do you realized what you said? You said that she tripped and fell towards the door because she was to close to it but you ALSO said that YOU PUSHED HER. I don't think you meant to hurt her but YOU DID - next time don't let your anger get like this because you busted her lip and YES YOU DID because ti says clearly that you PUSHED HER. Shes only 6 - 6 years old make lots and lots of mistakes. There littkle trouble makers and ONE DAY they'll know right from wrong but RIGHT now you have to deal with their mistakes. next time tell her to go towards the wall and look at it for 5 minutes - like time out. But don't push her like you did this time! Yes they might see it as child abuse so be careful!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

u in no way have a right to shove her..

Answer 11

She is 6 and has a school counselor already? Well I can see how you may take this as an accident but why couldn't you tell her she did wrong. Leaving the back door open is something to hit about. And you should of been watching your 2 year old son anyway

Answer 12

This situation is wrong on so many levels, that I'm not sure where to begin. However let me start by saying that I have been in your shoes myself, sadly. So I can empathize, and if it seems that I am judgmental, know that I know it applies to me at one time as well. And also know that I am aware that I only have the small amount of  the information. Please try to listen with an open mind. You are making a mistake that you are going to regret later (I know I did), and you can never undo the damage that your doing.

1.) You are over whelmed, and need help. Four children can be a huge responsibility.

2.) What you did MIGHT have been an accident, but it was abuse.

3.) People who kill others in drunk driving accidents, consider it to be an accident too. But we know that it wasn't because they could have done many other things to keep it from happening. Stopped drinking, arranged a ride, sold their car, rode a bike, and multitudes of other things.

4.) You also could have handled this situation in a multitude of other ways. If you constantly lecture her about the back door then, you being aware of that fact (and a responsible adult) should have been on top of the situation. The responsibility for your two year old wandering off, was completely yours. Not to say that you can't expect a six year old to close the door, ONCE you have trained her to do so. You could have waited by the back door for her to arrive and then pointed out that she needed to close the back door, and because she didn't she must now go into time out (likely if you did this for a week ,your problem would be solved), another option might have been to install a device that closes the door automatically, you could lock all of the door so that when she got home you would have to un-lock the door for her (so that you don't have to wait right by the door for her after school), You could be sure that your 2 yr old is always within your sight (or that of another responsible adult), you could alarm the door, Many, many options.

5.) I think that you could greatly benefit from a parenting class. Please do not let your pride get your panties in a bunch. If you can get past your pride and humble yourself enough to learn something then YOUR life would become so much easier. And the children's lives would become so much better ( it would even effect your grandchildren). If you can't bring yourself to do that, then please at least study on childhood development. So that you can know what are reasonable expectations for certain ages, and what's the most effective way to teach them.  Everything that you do will leave an emprint on them for the rest of their lives.

6.) I don't believe you when you say that is her ONLY responsibility.

7.) You may indeed have a burdensome amount of responsibility for a child that is not your own, but please don't let that confuse you into believing that you are loving/ treating her as you would your own. If you really believe that you have deceived yourself.

8.) Let us consider your step-daughter for a moment. She is 6, and her father has divorced her mother, she has a new step mom, who is overwhelmed, new sibling/s, problems at school, and quite likely she has been abused the whole time you have been her step mom. That is HUGE for a 6 year old.

I can not help but be compassionate for that little girl, (I was her once). I have also been you. You are old enough to change this whole thing around for the better. She is 6 and is at the mercy of those who have been entrusted to care for her.

9.) What kind of proof is it that "she has never gone to school with a bruise"? She still hasn't you kept her home !

10.) No evidence by Monday ? The 6 yr old is evidence, do you mean to say evidence that I can't cover up. do you mean evidence that would be more damaging than just her word for what happened ? Because you can (being way older and smarter than a six year old) manipulate someone into thinking it was different than the story that she is telling.

I will be praying for you all. Please get help.

Answer 13

Once when I was 3 or 4, I was holding baby kittens under water in a puddle outside. (Horrible I know!) My mom saw me and yelled for me to get in the house this instant! I was barefoot with mud on the bottom of my feet and she wacked me and sort of shoved me and I went sliding across the kitchen floor and hit my head on the corner of a table. Personally, I think I deserved that in every way. Looking back, I should have been beat for being so bad. Don't beat yourself up. At least your step daughter won't leave the door open again.

Answer 14

If your child got so hurt when you were disciplining her, accideent or not, you need to reconsider how you discipline.  I'd especially emphasize what others have said ... 6 years old is really young, kids do make mistakes, and while I can understand you were scared for what might have happened to the 2-year-old, next time please if you're feeling angry send her to her room and wait to discipline her otherwise until you've calmed down yourself.  If she really keeps forgetting to close the door, consider waiting for her at the bus stop or waiting by the door until she's come in so you can check it yourself.  You could even close and lock the door and have her ring the bell when she comes in so that you'll be able to check that it's closed safely behind her.

As for the abuse thing, if it was really an accident and two other kids witnessed it, then that's not the "worst thing" -- that's two other kids witnessing that it was an accident.  I can't help but think that since you consider it a bad thing that they saw what happened and that you actually kept her home from school so that she couldn't talk to the guidance counselor that you yourself fear it was abusive on your part.  Please get help.  Parenting 4 kids can be very stressful and nobody will begrudge you being stressed out.  But you owe it to your kids to get some help ... whether help during the day with the kids, some time off to yourself occasionally, some parenting classes, some anger management help, etc.  Your concern really needs to be not whether the school will look into it, but how to keep your kids safe.  It's not weakness, but strength, to get some help when you need it.

Answer 15

Gawd I hate stress ! hesus karumba ! I have to be careful because even though I never intended to be unpleasent...

well... sometimes I would verbal rant. Like GD and MF and stuff. I feel unhappy afterwards and am happy I have not hit any one. Good Grief I am muscularly built with a bit of a mid-tire and wiegh over three hundred pounds. I was active with martial arts for 6 years about 25 years ago. But 6 years ago got involved agian for 1/2 a year kinda like a refresher course. Anyway stress really does suck !!! There could be more that has you at your limits for dealing with stress.

DHS.. child protective services unfortunately are a bit paranoid for children and a bit over protective. They do tend to over react often. Write down on paper what happened so that your memory will be focused and not scewed after so much time has past since the incident. It is natural for something to happen a few days ago and when telling it a few days later the events are not in chronological order. Police and DHS people take advantage of this human condition. So write the incident on paper then check it for accuracy and then write it again. Later in the day read it again if you seem to not remeber a certain point or two re write the story again change nothing do not lie and be precise.

I believe you to be a good person and your suspicions about child protective service are well invested, but it depends on the CPS officeer's discretion and you have no idea with whom you are interactive with.

Answer 16

i do not see it as child abuse. i see it as an accident. maby you shouldnt have pushed her, seeing as you were angry at the time. i have done the same thing to my kids, get mad, tell them to go sit and take a time out, and maby grabbed a little hard and didnt realize it. and the kid ended up with a small bruise. you are a mother. a mother can only be 3 places at once, and do 5 things at once. your daughter should have closed the back door, it was an accident. not saying it like "at least you found your son" not saying it mean like that. just saying maby you could put a picture by the door to remind her to close the door, or if she can read yet, a note simplly saying please close door. she might be feeling bad enough as it is that her little brother got out of the house undetected. i once lost my 2 year old. had half the neighbor hood searching, called police and everything. he was in the kitchen, i went to bathroom. came out, he was gone. well, he was found an hour later. he had climbed on the couch, covered himself up with a blanket, and fell asleep. (the brat) just saying we are mothers. not super heros. not gods we are not perfect. best of luck to you.