Child and job dilemma, What would you do?

Question

I normally work during the school season, then stay home with my daughter (age 11) in the summer. Recently, I was offered the best paying job of my life. It's full time, but I was able to negotiate part time until school starts. I started last week, and now my daughter is giving me grief over it. She is upset because she wanted to spend time with me over the summer.

This is causing me much stress that I don't need considering this job is very stressful itself.

Her father and I are divorced so she usually spends every other week with him in the summer, although I could work around him to be able to have him keep her the three days a week I would be working. I have no choice because I wouldn't have a babysitter. (he works out of his home).

What should I do?

Quit - and miss out on a good opportunity, but make her happy for 2 months?

Stay full time - and make the money I desperately need.

Go part time - and look like a slacker at work, but still have her give me grief?

Answer 1

Your daughter is 11 years old.  It's time to teach her that adults need to work in order to survive in our society.  When I was 12, I was talking care of my younger brother in the summer while my parents were at work.

She is far too old to be wanting to spend every moment with mommy.  In fact, it's a bit unnatural.  She should be interested in hobbies and friends.   She should be enrolled in a summer camp or similar program.  

It's wonderful that you have a good relationship, but she's not a little kid anymore.  It's important that you maintain your positive relationship, but she also needs to realize you have to work.

One, because you are a single mother and I'm sure you need the money

Two, one day (say in 5 years, when she turns 16) she'll be working.  Your daughter will learn her work ethic from you.  If she sees that mommy doesn't work, she might grow up to be one of those women who believes/feel entitled to have someone (their husbands) support them.  That's not a good attitude for her to have.  Life can throw us a curve and she needs to see that mommies have to work sometime.  She's getting to be a big girl now.   She needs to realize that mommy can't always entertain us.

I disagree with a previous comment.  Your daughter is telling her she needs you.   Yes, your daughter does need you.   But, not 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.    I'm sure she will be fine if you work 9am-5pm.      It's a few hours out of the day.   She'll be fine.     She's 11 and not 1.   Big diference.  

Enroll her in a few camps or other summer enrichment programs.   Spend time with her after work and on the weekends.   But, you need to have her cut the cord.  It's really not healthy that she was SO upset that you have to go to work.   Like I said, I was 12 and taking care of my brother.  I never onced questioned my parents for working.  I just knew that had to work or we wouldn't have food to eat, clothes to wear or a house to live in.  

She's old enough to realize adults must work.  No need to be upset or angry about it.  That's life!!

Answer 2

Unless you're really worried about your daughter, I would wait and see what happens once you've given it a month.  Then if she still hasn't adjusted you might have to make other arrangements, but at least you'll have a month's full time pay.

You're doing what's best for your daughter, whatever she thinks about it, so don't feel too stressed.

Answer 3

In my own personal opinion try to sit her down and explain to her how jobs at the moment are hit and miss and you need to make the money while you can. If you are only working part time for this company then maybe you could ask if you could compress it into three days depending on what it is. And with a little bit of the extra money take her somewhere she really really wants to go or stay up later than normal with her on a Friday night and do manis and pedis and watch movies and invite her girlfriends over.

Most parents do work full time all year around so honestly I know you want to spend all the time in the world with her but if you don't have money unfortunately then it makes it that much more difficult to live comfortably.

Answer 4

I think you should keep the job.  Your daughter will manage and you are modeling some wonderful skills.  She will see that sometimes we have to work, even when we don't want to.  She will also see that when you have children it takes more than time and love to support them.  In a coule of years she will not want you around at all and you may just kick yourself for not taking the job.

Answer 5

i am a stay at home mom and i miss working a lot but i know that my son will only be young once...

Answer 6

I think you should have a serious talk with your daughter.  While I can appreciate the fact that she wants to spend time with you (which won't last too much longer) it's not like you're never going to see her or something.  I'm assuming you have at least 2 days a week off, yes?  She's old enough to understand your financial needs and how you need to take opportunities when they come along.  We would all like to hang out with our kids all summer, but if you have a great chance for financial security you should definitely take it.  Explain to her that in the long run this better job will make your lives together more secure.  Next summer you can take time off and actually have money to do some really fun things.  Hopefully she'll understand the importance of the decision.

Answer 7

It's not the amount of time you spend with your daughter, it's the quality of that time.

I'd say keep the job, but still spend some quality time with your gal. When you're with her, do art projects or spend time at the park. Something other than just watching tv.

Also, the way you worded the question makes it sounds like you just need some reassurance to stay full time. Don't worry, your daughter will get used to it. It just takes a little adjusting. Make sure she knows that you love her.

Answer 8

Your daughter is telling you that she needs you.  To spite many women saying that they can handle career and family, as you are seeing, something suffers, either job or family.  If you want to keep the job, have her go with her father if she will do this.  I know you may need the income, but your daughter needs you more right now.   If your job cannot understand your family needs, then it isn't that great of a job anyway.  Suppose God forbid that something would happen with your daughter and you would need the time off?  Just because you wouldn't have the money to do things with her doesn't mean that you can't spend the time with her for free.  Tea time, mother daughter talks, walking.  Even watching TV and discussing shows together.  You need to put your daughter first.  Talk to your employer and explain the situation to them, see what you can do.  Maybe some of the work you can even do from home, or maybe in the evening.  And you don't look like a slacker, you look like a concerned mother.

Answer 9

Do Not Quite your job, you are letting her control you...YOU are the parent and no matter how hard this is. let her know that you are doing this so you can provide things for her that she needs and would like to have..explain to her that you need her to cooperate with you on this, and when you do have a day off, spend it with her, doing something that you both enjoy.

Answer 10

"Stay full time - and make the money I desperately need."

To me, this statement has the answer in it.  You NEED the money, so you NEED to keep the job.  Your daughter will get over her feelings of abandonment sooner than you'll think.  It's not like you're leaving her- you're just working.  I realize she's only 11 and is a child of divorce, but she's also very fortunate to have had the summers with you to begin with.  Remember that you're doing this for her best interest.  Besides, now she's going to get to spend more time with her dad, and that's a good thing.