Child-free and sterilized, how do I tell my family?

Question

Okay, so a while ago I got an Essure, as I had decided I would never want kids. I work with the police and it's time-consuming, I also have a relationship that I put a lot of time and effort into. My parents knwo that I was sterilized, but my two older sisters do not. I'm not sure if I should tell them or not? They are very pro-child, and while it's their decision, and I respect that. But they think it's every woman's duty to pop out a bunch of kids. I don't hate children, it's just that I don't want any of my own.

So, should I tell them or not? I don't want to offend them, but if I ever get married, I don't want them to bug me about kids.

Answer 1

would probly save you some agravation, just be direct

Answer 2

I had my tubes tied too, and I'm happily child free, 25 years old, and married. How did you get a doctor to give you essure?! I wanted that, but my gyno refused saying, "Just in case you change your mind, you might be able to get it reversed." I told him, "I'm not worried about reversal, I'm worried about FAILURE!" Essure is more reliable, which is why it's not considered reversable.

Wow, l totally off topic, I'm sorry. Um, it's a little weird when you have to bring it up to people who you KNOW love kids and think that kids are the end all be all of the world. Some just kind of say, "Oh..." and are shocked and leave it at that. Some couldn't believe it and questioned me relentlessly, "How could you do that? What about your husband? What if you change your mind? Why not just stay on BC?..." The list is never ending, really. But, I was happier to just get it all out there.

My suggestion will stem from what you know about your family. My sister is the kind of sister that if you don't tell her EVERYTHING she gets mad. I swear, any little thing, and she gets annoyed. Also, she gets mad when she's the last to know. So, I told her before hand, and it wasn't a big deal. However, if your sisters understand the concept of "privacy" I suggest you wait until you find a husband (or whatever) to tell them. Or, just wait until they say something like, "When  you gonna settle down and have kids?" and then tell them.

What can I say, I'm a rip the band-aid off fast kind of girl. I'd rather get it over with. However, my husband STILL has not told his parents that I had my tubes tied yet. I told him I would, but he said he wanted to do it. I told him that if he didn't, and they ask me about kids again, I'm going to tell them and I don't care where we are or what's going on. If it's in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner, and they make a scene, it's going to be on his head!

Good luck, I feel you!

Answer 3

There are two strategies that can work for you.  One is to avoid the subject as long as possible until someone finally shouts something out.  Or you can decide to call a family meeting for everyone to discuss the decision you're made in your life.  Everything can be discussed during this meeting, but once it's over, everyone will know that the topic will no longer be raised.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I know how it is to get bugged about having kids, although its a little different for me cause I already have 2 little ones.  Yet my family is constantly asking me when we are going to try for a boy.  We just arent sure so its hard to come up with an  answer that satisfied them.  As for you, its obvious that you have made your choice and are sticking with it.  If you dont tell them they will never stop bugging you about kids.  Its your life and you shouldnt have kids if you dont want kids but for some reason some people just cant accept that raising kids isnt for everyone.  

With that said, I would say tell them.  You need to get it off your chest and let them know that bugging you isnt going to make a difference now.

Answer 5

Your call. Quite frankly, its none of their business unless you choose to share. If they'd drive you crazy about your choice, I'd not tell them.

Answer 6

It sounds like something you would like to get off your chest. I would tell them. it will probably make you feel better. Its your life, not everyone wants to have a family.

Answer 7

I guess it depends on how close you are to your sisters.  If you barely talk to them or see them, I wouldn't say a thing.  If you are close to them, I would tell them.  They will get over their "disappointment" when they realize that you will have more time to spoil their kids if you don't have any of your own.

Answer 8

Sure.  There is nothing wrong with your lifestyle.  You made a choice that was best for you.  I would tell my sisters that this was your choice and you are happy with it, and you don't want to hear any negative comments about it.