Child is being punished at school for....what do I do?

Question

Do you think it is fair for a student to be disciplined for not taking his materials to class and not staying on task if he has been diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and conduct disorder. He is receiving special ed services at school for this diagnosis and sees a counselor at school once a month. He is not on medication at this time because he had a negative response to Ritalin, Adderal, and Concerta in the past. The medication did not help him at school and he had side effects from the medication. Therefore he is not on medication. I am not defending his behavior, however I want an honest opinion about whether it is right to punish him for being disorganized, not taking materials to class, and not staying on task if this is because of an illness he has been diagnosed with. The only reason he is in special ed is because of behavioral problems. He goes to all of his regular classes but he sees a special ed counselor monthly. Sincere answers & opinions please. What do I do?

Answer 1

People everyday forget to bring pens to meetings do  they  have ADD or ADHD ??... Do these people get put in jail for it ??(LOL)...Teachers focus to much on the small stuff and not enough on the student. If your child has ADHD then it is a good thing that he made it  on the bus, got to school and in the classroom.. Often if the teacher starts out with a negative attitude  your child will feel bad and not focus on what matters but will focus on the teacher is  upset with them.. If your child forgets his stuff for class ask teachers if he can leave his materials in the room so that the class may go smoothly.. I am not saying your child should not  have discipline or responsibly . I am saying they should have more understanding and give some leeway  and they might see  a change in personality...  Also it is not right that ADHD children get stuck in special ed just because teachers can not handle their behavior . Sometimes putting smart children in with special needs children makes them feel worse about themselves...I do suggest that you take him to get real tests not just the Dr.  The Dr wanted to diagnose my son with ADD but I said NO and he went through testing and found out he has Autism...

Answer 2

Of course. Even with those diagnoses, the child still has to learn that all actions have consequences. It may take longer, it may require special skills or little things that create reminders for him.

My dad has to create unique systems for remembering his supplies and staying on task (he is a teacher with ADD), but he has to do it and has done it (fairly) successfully for most of his life....also with great credit to my mom. But yes, we spent lots of our growing up time taking him his keys, etc.

My sister is also ADHD. When she started teaching she called me constantly because she forgot to take her lunch, etc. I bailed her out at first. Then I fixed her a box of cup-a-soups, crackers, etc and told her that she was going to Have to take responsibility for remembering from now on or go hungry until dinner.

The diagnosis is to give services and aids to help, such as non-timed testing and smaller student/teacher ratio, counseling, special classes.

It is not to just say "do what ever you want" because you have this.

If it has been clearly explained to him what the consequences are beforehand, then yes I believe some form of discipline is appropriate.

It will take a lot more effort and work and diligence, but how else will this child learn to control his behavior and bring his supplies to class...and bring these same skills with him throughout life?

Answer 3

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

i don't think so he should be let off the hook

Answer 4

i think it is fair, and that the only thing you can do is teach him to become organized and friendly.

i personally have adhd too, and... *looks at backpack* still shows, but a lot less than before. i've taught myself to organize all my materials and my schedule, and now i am an AP student in my junior year.

i just think the only thing you can do is not to give into him because of his disabilities, and instead, no matter how hard it is, teach him to be organized. i know you may think this is cruel due to his condition, but if someone like me can do it (and if you did know me, youd think it was a miracle), then so can your child

Answer 5

you don't say how old is the child, but anyway punishment is not right wether the child has ADD/ADHD or not.am a teacher and I've worked with many students who had one of the two. you really seem to care about your child and that's very important.you need to speak to the teacher immediately, do not tolerate this, punishment is always the easiest way for teachers, but hey our ''mission'' is to educate and support students not punishing them so we can have a peaceful classroom. I couldn't agree more with eric d's answer. You should print that later and take it with you when you'll meet the child's teacher. I hope she/he will have the sensibility and sensitivity to understand that ADD/ADHD children did not choose to be like that and that the least we can do for them is to shower them with our understanding and support not with another punishment. I really hope things will get better for you and your child.

Answer 6

This is a difficult question that doesn't have an easy answer.

I don't believe your child is forgetting things just to be difficult. He can't help the fact that he can't tolerate meds (and I think children are overmedicated anyway). I do not think that singling him out in front of his peers and punishing him is positively reinforcing behavior.

But ... he's never going to learn responsibility if he isn't consistently taught to assume it.

Try buying him one of those binders with a file section, and make a file for each class. Work with him on a checklist so he can be sure he has everything he needs. If you don't already have a schedule in place, make one -- it sounds as if he could use the memory boost. Again, involve him in the process.

The education system's definition of "normal" is growing alarmingly narrower by the day. I fear that by the time my grandchildren are born, everyone's going to be "disordered," "deficient" or "dysfunctioned" in some fashion.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 7

What kind of punishment? And why did he not take his materials to class.?

how else is he going to learn? You should be helping the teacher teach him responsibility and organization. This should be done along with trying drug therapies and other counseling, but it is necessary that he learn to organize and take responsibility. It doesn't help him to have you saying he just can't. He has to learn -- the big wide world isn't going to care what his escuses are when he gets out in it and you are gone.

Answer 8

So it sounds like he is in regular classes?  Can you find out if your public school district offers something called CTT, 'collaborative team teaching'?  In CTT classes, you have a mix of students, some with learning disabilities and some with no disabilities, and the class is led by 2 teachers, one specializing in special education.  See what your local school district offers.  Then you might need to look into some kind of private counseling for your son, too -- hopefully the Dr who made the ADHD diagnosis can help.  D

Answer 9

Yes it is fair, no mater what his diagnosis's he still has to live, make a living in out society.  He must learn this and how to survive, you won't live for ever to hold his hand and care for him.

Answer 10

here is a letter "written" by a child with add/adhd. Print it off if you can, give it to his teacher and his principle and tell them to try to have some compassion and to learn more about add/adhd                                                                                     1) I forget things, even important things. There is a myth that states, "If it is important enough, you will remember it." Please understand that this is a myth, my memory may not work the same as yours. Just because I forget does not mean that it doesn't matter. I am not trying to be a smart alec or arrogant when I say "I forgot." I really do forget.

2) I am not stupid. I may sometimes lose my place during your class or take a few minutes to get my thoughts together before speaking, but I am not stupid. ADHD does not have anything to do with intellect.

3) Please be patient if I ask the same question many times or ask too many questions. I am not trying to be arrogant, I am trying to understand. I am trying to comprehend and I am trying to remember what you have said.

4) I really do want to do good. For many years, I have struggled with schoolwork. It is frustrating for me. I want to pass your class, I want to do my best, I want to feel good about the work I have done.

5) I do complete my homework. I often lose papers, leave my homework at home or in my locker. I often don't know where my homework is when it is time to hand it in. But I do complete it. Loose papers are the most difficult to keep track of, if it is possible to complete my homework in a notebook, I will be able to keep track of it better.

6) ADD is not an excuse, I should not use it as one, and neither should you. ADHD is a real disorder. It causes me to forget things, to be impulsive, to act without thinking, to lose track of my belongings, to be inattentive and sometimes it causes me to process information I little more slowly. I do not like being different and would very much like to be "normal." I do not like to be made fun of for being different.

7) I need help to succeed. This is sometimes very hard for me to accept. I do not like having to ask for help. Sometimes, asking for help makes me feel stupid. Please understand this and be patient. Please sometimes offer your help without my having to ask. Please understand that needing help makes me feel inadequate and that I may resent you asking. That doesn't mean that I do not want or need your help.

8) If you notice me acting in inappropriate ways, please talk with me in private. Please do not talk to me in front of the class. This is humiliating. Please do not insult me or call attention to my differences or weaknesses in front of other students.

I don't like having "special accommodations" in the classroom. Sometimes they are needed to help me succeed and do well. But that doesn't mean that I like it. Please don't call attention to any special treatment in front of other students. Please do not draw attention to my ADHD.

10) Detailed explanations of your expectations will help me. I work best when I know exactly what you expect from me. I will do best if your expectations are in writing so that I can refer back to them if needed. The more detailed your classroom and class work plan is, the better I will do. Knowing what to study and how to study will help me when taking tests. Knowing how you expect projects to be completed will help me to do a good job.

11) Learning about ADHD is one of the best ways to help me. Read about ADHD, how to teach children with ADHD and talk with parents and other teachers to learn as much as you can. Understanding and learning about ADHD will help me to do better in your class.

12) Although I have ADHD, I am not ADHD. I am a person; I have feelings, hopes and expectations. I have needs. I want to be liked and accepted. I want to feel good about myself. All of this is important to me. Sometimes I act out to hide my embarrassment or shame. This does not mean that something is not important; on the contrary, it means that it is very important and I am hiding my disappointment that I failed.

Answer 11

Honestly, I don't think he should be let off the hook just because he has these behavioral issues.  I think that it is even more important that he learns to be organized and responsible for himself.   As he gets older and enters the real world he will not be let off the hook because he has ADHD or depression, he will be reprimanded/written up or fired.      I am not saying this to be negative.   This is a good opportunity for you to evaluate the situation and figure out the best course of action to prepare this child for the future.

I think it is important that the parents and teachers sit down and talk about how to accomplish this.  "Punishment" may no be the best idea, but he does need to be held accountable and learn how to work well in a social setting.

Answer 12

thats just.... wrong!

you should stand up for this and tell the commity this how you feel about this. i would.

Answer 13

I think I just answered this question.  You need professional help for both you and your child.  GO RIGHT AWAY.  Medication is not the answer.

Answer 14

i think adhd is over diagnosed.  children need to be held responsible for their actions.  if not now, when?  my lil sis had it and performed better without the meds.  the meds also stunted her growth.  hold ur child responsible for his actions.  if he learns he can blame it on something else all the time, he will.