Child is feeling left out because of a lack of religion?

Question

My husband and I are both athiest and we have been raising are daughter(6) that way as well. Last week at my daughter's summer camp they were building a town out of cereal boxes and the question of whether to include a church or not came up and she was the only one who didn't go to religious services. Then a couple days later my mother didn't help things by taking my daughter to look around her church, she didn't actually attend a service but just got a tour of the church. Well now she came to us telling us she wants to go to church we had a discussion and we asked her why and she said "she wants to be like everyone else but at the moment she doesn't know what to believe." If and when the time comes that my daughter does believe I will allow her and she could attend with her grandmother. But right now how do I fight "the odd one out blues?"

Answer 1

let me ask you this, what is the harm in her going to services?  if she is making the choice and is not coerced in any way what harm could come of it?  is this about you being threatened by the possibility of your daughter becoming an active church member?  just food for thought.  too many times parents myself included project our wants and desires onto kids to their detriment.   choice of religion or choice to abstain from religion is just that, a choice. and a very personal one at that.  let your daughter choose and then support that choice and respect it, she will love you for it.

Answer 2

I think you should let her go with her grandma- it's not so much that she's pretending to believe in it, it's that she's interested and curious. She might believe in it eventually- that's her choice and you have to let her make it. Forcing a belief of God OR a disbelief will always backfire on a parent. If you make church "forbidden" so to speak- it will only peak her interest.

Answer 3

Well not trying to be mean and talk bad about your belief.....But one if your child wants to go to church and learn about Jesus Christ let her go....I believe in the lord and i belive there is a heaven and h**l.....I mean how you were raised is how you were raised but if i were you, you better think twice about wether you believe or not cause jesus is coming back and i am sure you don't want to be burning in h**l for the rest of your life do you....Iike i said i am not trying to make you mad or anything i am just trying to talk some sense to you....But if your child wants to go let her...One a church is the most safest place to be and she will be doing no harm and she is a child of christ as well as you and your partner....So please let her go...Don't destroy her life on trying to know the lord because of what you believe....

Answer 4

Lots of kids go through the "everyone else does it" phases.  I don't see why letting her attend one service would be a bad thing.  At her age, she won't keep doing something like that if she doesn't actually enjoy it.  Just like soccer for example.  All her friends may be doing it, but after a couple of games at the most, she wouldn't want to do it anymore if she wasn't enjoying it.  

It will give her the opportunity to explore something on her own and make her own decision though.  Its an important milestone in developing her own ideas and independence.  Yeah, she's only interested in it because others are interested in it, but that's how ALL children start experiencing new things.  They see someone they know or like doing it, so they want to try it too.  I'm sure you've raised her to be a smart young lady that can figure this whole thing out for herself.  GOOD LUCK!

*What you just wrote in your details would be the perfect thing to say to her!  Just tell her that you encourage her to explore the world around her, but that she doesn't need to do something she's not truly interested in just because others are doing it.  Let her know that if she does want to attend a church service to see what its like, then you'll support her in that, but she needs to do it because SHE wants to.

Answer 5

I am religious, but I do respect your right not to be and your right to decide what is best for your daughter.  It is always hard to know that your child feels left out.  What you have to decide, is how important is it to you that your child be brought up with your beliefs.  You say when she is older, you will let her make her own choice and you will respect it.  I think that is great.  If you don't have a problem with her visiting her grandmothers church then I think it would be a good idea to let her go.  How else can she make a decision if she hasn't been exposed to both choices?  I think that because she has said that she'd like to go but she doesn't know what to believe indicates that she is questioning what it is all about.  However, if you decide not to let her go, then just tell  her that your family doesn't attend church, but that when she is older if she wants to go she can, but for now she is part of this family and you don't just do things because everyone else does them.

Answer 6

Well, Churches and religions _are_ a fact of life.  

Just do not make a big deal over it.   "That is what Gramma believes, we believe something different."  and Leave it at that.  

As for building a town and wanting to include churches,  do homeschoolers not include public schools in their building projects?

Reality is what is, not just what I think is.  

See?

Answer 7

Let her go to church. I know you atheists do not believe, but consider this: If your child want too believe or at least get to know what it is all about then you should let her. We are all children of god. Just let her go with her grandmother what harm can come from it?

Answer 8

I think its important for a child to understand the main religion of the community he or she lives in. My family follow a pagan religion, and I teach my son not just my faith, but also Christian, Buddhism, and other religions (lightly). He's not indoctrinated in any of them, simply educated on what they belief and the myths/stories included.

Do you ever talk to your daughter the 'why' you don't believe? I explain to my son that some people don't believe in anything, or they might believe in God but not practice anything- but each person needs to listen to their heart to decide.

Answer 9

How will she know what or whether she believes or not, unless she is given a chance to explore & learn more about various religions?

Let her go with grandma.  Let her go with her friends.  Maybe you, your husband & your family could spend a few Sundays at your local Unitarian Universalist church, which does not require a belief in any God(s) or Goddess(es) or adherence to any dogma at all, but, instead, encourages each member to find their own path to truth & meaning in life (drawing from established religions & ideas, if they so choose).  http://www.uua.org/visitors/6798.shtml

Answer 10

I am not atheist, but am not regularly attending church either.  Part of the reason is because I also have small children, and I beleive that religion is something that is a personal choice, not something they should believe just because someone else tells them to.  Recently, my son has expressed interest in going to church also.  What I am doing is researching churches in my area that I think will be a good fit for him.  Then I will take him myself (you said your daughter could go with her grandma, so if you don't feel comfortable going at least she will have someone to go with) and we will visit several different churches so he can decide for himself which he likes best.   Even though your child may feel "the odd one out" now, that feeling will pass.  At least if she goes with her grandma she can make an educated decision about whether or not she really wants to be a part of that.  Good luck.

Answer 11

Let her go... She'll be bored to death and won't want to return!  Worked for my son!