Child needs help school is failing her already has IEP (NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND IS BULL)?

Question

my daughter is failing school, the teacher says it is only due to homework. yet homework is only 10% of the grade. she has an IEP that has her at a reading kindergarden level and only stated it is up to almost 2nd grade. yet she is almost done with 3rd. she will fail and repeat 3rd yet she will be 11 in third which is bad. the school puts the blame on me for her failing. she WILL NOT listen to me when regarding homework and i have no help at home. the teacher expects me to be her teacher. i have a family to raise and house to keep. i am not a teacher and i barley passed to graduate as it is. i am stressed out, pulling my hair out just to get her to clean her room.

any suggestions or laws i can use to fight this. THE NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND IS BULL becuase it does not help poor married families or people that make to much money by number and yet the family struggles to make regualar ends meet buy what goes out.

I live in oklahoma, not a good special ed state.

Answer 1

My suggestion is to call a team meeting to reevaluate the IEP.  You have the ability to call a meeting at any given time.  Ask that they find a tutor for your child, or have them send her ot learning support classes for a portion of the day.  It IS  your responsibility to ensure that she is getting what she needs.  IF you are unable to understand or to get the things she needs, you need to find a local advocate who can help with the IEP.

Answer 2

I feel your pain.  I actually have an ARD meeting tomorrow for my son who is in almost the same situation.  I am considering taking him out of school next year to home school him.  His teacher is horrible because I will ask her how he is doing and she says that he is doing great.  Then he tells me that he hasnt been allowed to go for his special ed services because the teacher is preventing him from going.  All I can tell you to do is fight them on making her stay back.  Contact the district and if you have to go to your state board of education.  Good luck.  I really feel your pain.

Answer 3

No Child Left Behind in fact leaves all children behind! Unfortunately, big business has latched onto this law and are profiting in the billions of dollars at the expense of our children and our education system. I really can not even go here as it infuriates me so.

You may need to sit with your daughter and assist her with her homework as it may be too difficult for her to read. I had to do this with my own child until the 7th grade. You must practice patience with her as frustrating as it is. I used to create study guides for my daughter in all subjects. We would go over them each and every night for as little as 5 minutes each. Please keep in mind that a child's grade reading level has nothing to do with the child's ability or capacity to learn. My daughter was a honors student but it did not come without hard work for ALL of us.  She should be having her tests read to her and if her IEP does not allow for less homework then maybe you can work on that with the person who wrote it. The focus should be on quality not quantity.

I could go on forever. I so understand your frustration. But for her to be successful it will take alot of hard work and patience on all of you. Good luck!

I absolutely disagree on retaining her. Read the statistics on retainage and how it affects children. Retainage is a quick fix. She is likely as smart as her peers but her difficulty attaining literacy is holding her back. Retainage is NOT the answer.

Answer 4

Okay, so let me get this right.  It's the teacher's fault.  You kid has a known diagnosis and you are ignoring proper medical attention... allowing her to have medicine.  Therefore, YOU and YOUR HUSBAND are blocking her from her learning and now it's the SCHOOL's fault.  The school is probably documenting all of this.  I would have filed a report with the social worker already.  Perhaps, social services will visit you soon. You guys are setting her up for long-term academic failure.  Shame on you!

Teacher's aren't miracle workers.  In her class the teacher probably has twenty to twenty-five kids.   You have three and you can't get her to do.  What am I supposed to do with her in a six hour day?  Oh, yeah, go clean your house while I raise your kid.  

I'm sorry but I'm all out of fairy dust!

PS This has zero to do with No Child Left Behind!!!!!

Answer 5

We went through a similar hard time with the school. The medication prescribed multiplied as time went by, is a strong appetite depressant that can stunt your child's growth permanently. Look for the effects of long term use of these drugs by children and you'll find they are often unknown. We began with one med in kindergarten and by third grade my child was on two uppers for daytime and a downer to help her sleep at night. The school never stopped suggesting more drugs, the doctor never stopped giving them and my child never learned a darn thing in school. The only solution we found was homeschool. You can look into that or see if there is a charter or private school in the area.

Good luck!

PS We no longer medicate and our child is happy, healthy, growing and learning. Her manners are great and no one can believe that we were ever told she needed medication.

EDIT: Third grade is a tough grade. repeating it makes perfect sense.

Answer 6

you don't say what her IEP is for. If she is ODD and ADHD at home but  not at school she may associate the homework battle with home, not school. You may want to try setting a timer for short blocks of time, so she knows there will be an ending, even if there are several blocks of time. Ask the school for a meeting with the teacher and anyone else involved with special ed. Rather than approaching them with a full head of steam, sit down and firmly state the problems, and some solutions. For example, would after school tutoring be available? Your daughter may need to repeat the 3rd grade, even if it does make her the oldest in her class. Natural consequences aren't bad, and worrying about her self esteem about being the oldest in class needs to be balanced against her self esteem about being the one unable to read. Ask the school for additional testing since she is unable to read. Could there be more problems that what is addressed in her IEP already?

Answer 7

"she WILL NOT listen to me when regarding homework "

A school can only do so much.  Without the FULL SUPPORT of parents - whose job it is to ensure that homework is done to the best of the child's ability on a regular basis - a school's/teacher's hands are tied.

You say homework is just 10% - yet without homework done, a child is ill equipped to face the classroom the next day.  They begin at a disadvantage - they walk in not understanding the basics upon which the next lesson is built and so on.  Think of it this way.  If an singer didn't learn his lyrics, how could he rehearse his song the next day.  An IEP (Individualized Education Plan) sets out responsibilities for everyone - student, teacher, and parents.

Do you encourage her to read with you every night?  It doesn't have to be school books.  How about recipes, newspapers, magazines, comic books, the backs of cereal boxes?  A child gets their attitude toward education from their parents.  Forget about cleaning her room for one week and READ INSTEAD.  It will be a much more valuable lesson for her.

You say your 3rd grade daughter won't listen to you.  That is a VERY telling statement and a very sad one.  If you are not in charge now, do you honestly expect to have any influence over her when she is 13, 14, 15, etc?  What will she be doing with her life then?

Obviously, you need, at very least, to develop some parenting skills.  I suggest you contact your local social service agency which should be able to direct you to parenting classes.  It would be a very good place to start.

By blaming your situation on your finances, you are slapping the face of every disadvantaged family - parents whose children strive to do their best to overcome their humble circumstances.

Before you berate me - NO, I'm not a teacher, but my parents never had much, either.  You've got a better education than they ever had and you have the advantage of being English-speaking in the U.S.A.  My parents showed me at every turn that education is the key to a future.  I saw them really struggle to learn enough English to get by.

Stop your pity party and quit blaming everybody else for what you're not doing.

Answer 8

I live in Oklahoma. I would suggest calling Oklahoma Disability Law Center at

http://www.oklahomadisabilitylaw.org/

or PEA pods

http://www.peapods.us/

You could contact OKDHS

http://www.iser.com/DHS-OK.html

for more info on raising a child with a disability in Oklahoma

Oklahoma mostly sucks as far as sped goes. Read at www.wrightslaw.com for more information on special ed law.

Good luck. We live in one of the most compliant district, and it was still easier to homeschool that work with public schools.

Answer 9

Im an occupational therapist and a special ed teacher. Tell your husband that Rittalin is in and out of your system in 24 hours. Not medicating a true ADHD child and expecting her to perform on grade level is the same as denying anti-depressents to a depressed individual. Rittalin and Cylert have gotten very bad press, but for a child who really has ADHD it is a godsend( and yes, it does exist and PET scans of the brain do show differences in ADHD children). Would your husband refuse to give her peniccilin for a strep throat?

          The IEP is a legal document. Remind the school of that and yes you have a responsibility to try to carry it out. If you are trying ( and it seems that you are)  then reconvene an IEP meeting, spell out your specific concerns and request a parent advocate. Perhaps you should try legal aid.IUf your daughter has sensory processing problems ( not uncommon in children with OCD or ADHD) request an occupational therapy screening or evaluation.

  Don't be so rough on your daughter. She has a disability and may not be able to function in school. Don't be adversarial with the school staff. They are probably dealing with high ratios of special ed teachers per children with needs. Try and enlist their support. Good luck and praise your daughter's good qualities. She will suffer from self esteem issues if you do not recognize the other ways she can shine.

Answer 10

As a mother of a child who has ADHD & ODD and Dyslexia, I can tell you it is not easy or as simple as sitting the child down and making them do what "we adults demand", especially when its their parents. I have to wonder how many people have actually worked with someone with ADHD & ODD.

While I feel your frustration having being through similar circumstances, however I must point out that teachers can only do so much, and are limited to what they can do in a day, especially when they have 20+ students to look after. Even the teachers aide can only do so much. Homework should be enforced, encouraged and supported by parents or guardians, this way we can see how our child is doing, and track their learning styles, their strengths and weaknesses.

How we managed our daughter was a mix of medication (very low doses & only in school term), major diet restriction, and a ridged routine, consequents for misbehaviour, behavioural modification and most importantly is consistency at all times, and especially between parents e.g if one parent says no, then the other must say no too.

With home work the T.V was NOT ALLOWED ON until home work was done, (we had to hide the remotes for a while, because she'd turn the t.v on). I would make my daughter set up her home work on the kitchen table, and do it while I prepared tea, and if my daughter wanted help we would try and help her, if we were unable to help, we'd make her go onto the next question or what ever, I also made sure a dictionary was on the table, which she would have to use to find words she did not know, and then write them down in a note book.

Reading home work was to be done before bed where we'd sit on the couch together and she would read to me, some times her father, again the dictionary next to us. This was her favourite time as she would cuddle up to me, and make me read to her after she'd read her home work book.  

Every time she completed her home work I would then put a star on a chart I had made up, and at the end of the week if her home work and her chores were done, and she had more than ten stars she would get her pocket money, the more stars the more money she got, if she did not have ten stars she'd not get any pocket money.

My daughter had no support what so ever while in primary school, and had very little support when at high school, what support she got was because of the Dyslexia and nothing else.

She is 22 and now a qualified Disability support worker, and she did it with no support, except from her boyfriend and I proof reading her assignments etc.

Answer 11

Let me first say that I am sorry to hear about the trouble you are having with your daughter and the school.  You are correct, the school is failing your daughter.  Unfortunately, they do not know how to help her.

I do not know of any laws you can use to fight the school.  Sadly, your daughter isn't the only child they are failing and many parents (of every income) feel just like you.  

I have a learning center and use programs that give children and adults (just like your daughter) success in learning.  After a child completes a program and has great sucess, IF the school invites me to come and share methods to continue to help the child, the teacher is usually resentful that the parent went outside the system for help (unless the student goes to traditional tutoring, which is not my program).

I believe your daughter is acting out because of her own frustration of not being able to read.  When kids struggle they either internalize it and keep their feelings all inside, or they will act out.    

I believe the reason she is not doing her homework is because she feels like she can't do it and that it's too hard.  She is avoiding what is hard (don't we all?).  She is avoiding that yucky feeling of failure. She knows that she is different, that she is failing.  This is very scary!!!    

I think you are a good parent doing what you know to do.  You are obviously extremly frustrated with the entire situation and feeling pretty desperate.  That is usually when parents end up at my center.  

I believe your daughter is a 'picture thinker'.  There are 2 learning styles:

verbal learners - think in words

non-verbal learners - think in pictures

We all think in both modes, but when it comes to learning we specialize in one.

It is the picture thinkers who can struggle in learning.  Reading is problematic because the picture thinker is processing information with pictures.  When we read we have to deal with symbols (letters are symbols, they have no picture).  The little words or the sight words (the, but, and, it, were, is,...etc.) have no pictures and cause the mind confusion.  This keeps a person from having comprehension.

The programs I use in my center address the picture thinking style of learning so clients get success quickly.  The phonics method works well for word thinkers.  It is successful for about 80% of students.  If a child is taught with the phonics method and does not learn to read by the end of 2nd grade, then this is not the method that is going to teach them to read!  Yet the schools' approach to a struggling reader is more phonics!!

May I encourage you to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your daughter.  If you believe what I am sharing with you to be true, share this information with your daughter.  When I share this with my students, they often say, "You mean, I'm not dumb?"  Be as positive and loving as you possibly can be.  Ask her how she feels about school.  Start with, "Tell me your favorite thing about school."  (She may not have one which is a 'clue'.)  Ask her what her least favorite thing

is. Let her do the talking, you listen.

I would like to suggest you read The Gift of Learning by Ron Davis.  It will help you understand your daughter even more.  Ron was labeled retarded when he was in school and he is in fact a genious!

Answer 12

I don't know if your state laws are different then NY's but here it is very hard to hold back a child who has an IEP.  The child has to meet their IEP goals to pass to the next grade and these goals should have been set at an appropriate level that your child could master.  When I write IEP goals I try to make it so that the child should accomplish these goals in the year they have to do it.  I would speak to whoever is in charge of writing the IEP's and the childs teacher to discuss this problem.  It is your right as a parent to ask for clarification on anyhting, especially with a child with an IEP.  Good Luck!

Answer 13

That is very sad, I can't say I am in your position as I live where their is great schools. My son has an IEP and I took a free advocate to his IEP meetings. Homework should not influence her grades at all really. As a parent I would make sure she does the best she can on her homework however, I see where it can be very hard with no support. I would ask the teacher for another meeting. I would bring her IEP and get them to graph for you her educational decline and provide you with her strengths and weeknesses. I would request more reading support out of the classroom and I would also say you are not able to support the situation fully without tools to help her. I would also request at this time extended school year for her reading problems now, because it takes a while for it to be approved. I would look into testing for speach and lang. just to be sure there is no problem with difficult language problems. Do not take no for an answer. Really if you want to fight the low funded system you have to be on your toes. Go to Wrightslaw web page. It is a great source.

Answer 14

perhaps the child isn't suited to public school.  look at other options in your area.  set up a meeting w/the current school's teacher, principal, and pyschologist for more advice.  be open minded about your child.

Answer 15

What do you mean she will not listen to you??? You're the adult here! Sit her down and tell her she's going to stay there till the homework is done and done correctly. You are in charge, not she.

Answer 16

I totally agree with tnr_lady.  You are the adult, and her parent.  Therefore, it is up to you to insist that she does her homework.  If your daughter won't mind you, it is almost certain that she isn't minding the teacher either.

There are excellent resources on the internet to help your daughter learn basic skills in a fun way.  I suggest that you and she use them.

Here are some to use:

http://resources.kaboose.com/games/rea..

http://www.rif.org/readingplanet/

http://www.funbrain.com/brain/ReadingB.....

http://www.learnnc.org/students/1

http://www.seussville.com/

By the way, I raised two sons totally alone for 12 years.  I also had no help from anyone.

Good luck!

Answer 17

Family in CRISIS:  I look at this from 3 vantage points, 1.  I work with autistic adults and hear the same "they won't do" thing from parents 2.  I have 2 children, 1 w/ ADD and the other with ADHD  3.  I have a nephew and niece with severe behavioral and learning problems that are mainly manifested (shown) at home with mom.

BOTTOM LINE:  It is you and your husbands responsibility to ensure that your children, all of them, get what they need to have the best quality of life possible.

RUN,  DO NOT WALK to your local DSS for help with parenting skills (and stop comparing your 2 "perfect" kids to this child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), get the child some medication IF it is recommended and can help, get you some medication and wake your husband up and make him do something...get a first shift job so he can be there to help, write a schedule for your child and have her check it off when she finishes the assigned tasks AND reward her for every little thing she does, become partners with her teacher(s) and stop blaming them for your child's problems, get your church or any church to help you with some of your issues, go back to school or get someone else to help your child with homework if you or her siblings can't/won't...and please....do not have anymore children until you can figure out what the responsibilities of raising a child can involve.

THIS IS YOUR CHILD AND THUS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!