Child "s*x abuse"?

Question

I ask this in marriage in divorce. I'll ask here to. My dauther is 10. Her father passed away she was 5. She had a mental breakdown. She is bi-polar ADHD. She was is still in mental health treatment. I have been re married 3 years i was a 19 month old with my hubby. My daughter disclosed to a friend he was touching her and did oral s*x on her. IT WAS SENT TO CHILDRENS SERVICES. She had a taped interview with a abuse expert. Me and my mom and her talk to a police detective. My hubby was kicked out of the home during the investagation. Now the case is closed i was told there was NO + evidence to go on. I was also told i may never know "the CPS worker told me that". My daughter has been shaken by the marriage and the baby and the loss of her Dad. I WANT THE TRUTH or advice on how i can KNOW. my hubby is a respected man worked at a elementry school 9 years no record at all. YES I STILL THINK IT'S POSSIBLE it could be true. I also have his son i need to not make fast choices. I'm lost.

Answer 1

I'm sorry but my children come FIRST. They CANNOT protect themselves. If my child EVER said anything remotely like that- i would hit the fricking door and never look back.

My thinking is... even if there was never sexual abuse- SOMETHING caused my child to say that, and nothing is worth my child feeling that bad.

I mean.. *oral s*x* OMG!! That does not just fly out of a child's mouth.

You better protect your kid. If you choose a freaking man over your daughter than you have problems I can't fathom. Please - just leave. Just take your kids and go.

Answer 2

Okay , im glad to hear that your not just going to side with the guy . The only realy thing you can say to do is look for signs. Like often if guilty , when you ask him about it , he will say  she's crazy  and she just wants me to leave , they'll say anyhting . Also , whatch your daughters body lanuguage when hes around , whatch her faces . You can usually tell the difference between an i hate you face or im afraid of you face . If she has a diary , or a computer in her room or anyhting that might give clues . Ask her if there is anyhting  of the sort that could prove it . she might be holding back because , it's not a place a child wants to revisit . If your husband starts putting all the blame on her , it's a good indication .  see if he starts buying her stuff  too .  they do that as a sort of , trade , even though it would never help . i hope this  helps . I've seen way to many situations like this .

Answer 3

Really tough situation!  I feel for you, and your daughter.

Here's the way I see it as a parent.  If there is even the slightest, tiniest chance that this man abused your daughter (and there is if she says there is), then there is NO WAY I would let either of my kids anywhere near him ever again.

Why take the chance?

Answer 4

First of all, let me say that I have been pretty clear on how most forms of s*x work from before I was ten (by 11 or 12 I was reading trashy romance novels, and greatly enjoying them. I was a romantic). Kids know about these things a lot earlier than they are given credit for.

It's definitely not a question of a 10 year old being smart enough. My cousin was 10 not too long ago, and he has always seemed like a teenager.

That being said, I would under no circumstances let that man anywhere near your daughter. Though it's true that a 10 year old might be smart enough and knowledgable enough to make something up like that, generally speaking they don't.

I guess the question here is who do you trust and care more about. Your daughter, or a man who may have sexually abused her? From your question, it sounds like it's your daughter, which is how it should be.

By all means, try and get to the truth, but don't let your daughter suffer in the meanwhile.

It's highly unlikely that she would lie about something like this, but if she did, she probably had a reason. Talk to her, let her talk to you, and do whatever you need to do to protect your daughter. Children must come first.

Answer 5

first of all you need to find out the truth...

so have you made an attempt to set up some hidden cameras? or take her to a counselour?

there are also symptoms a child gets... they wet the bed... suck there thumb or do something else for comforte... act out for attention... may become more needy or more distant if you have noticed any of these things KEEP AN EYE OUT!!!! this is serious you dont want to be the mother who let it happen i feel very sorry for you and i hope that things do get better for you and i would get the cameras incase anything else in the futher where to happen and my question is how would a 10 year old know things like this unless she was actually doing them? im sorry to say that but i really hope things worry out :)

Answer 6

Well If the ten year old is bi-polar ADHD she may watch a bit too much TV and find out kids get attention on TV when their sexually abused. She may have made the whole thing up, because of lack of attention and that her father passed away. Now you cant misjudge her, you also have to  look at your current husband. Get back ground checks, ask people close to him if he would ever do such a thing.

But a ten year old knowing about oral s*x? What? She maybe lieing because he wants your 'hubby' out of the house and her real dad in the house. But is a ten year old that smart? idk. You need to look at both sides of the story and further your investigation.

Answer 7

I've been through this...kids don't lie about this.  It probably happened if she said it did and I'd keep him away from her.

Answer 8

If there was doubt in my mind about my Husband, he wouldn't be living under my roof, d**n he may not even be breathing.

Answer 9

Maybe... if you know and trust a hypno therapist they can find the true answer?

Answer 10

There are ways to try and ascertain if someone is telling the truth. Someone mentioned hidden cameras and hypnotherapy. You may have to resort to that. There is also voice modulation-voice is recorded, and when you are lying, apparently it changes to certain pitches/tones.

There are also certain brain scans that show changes in certain areas of the brain when someone is lying.

While this may seem extreme, IMO nothing would be too extreme to find out the truth in this scenario.

If your daughter is lying, then you've separated a child and his (innocent) father for no reason.

If your husband is lying, then 1) you've kept your daughter with her rapist, and 2) kept your daughter from getting the help she needs to address this type of sexual abuse.

This is awful. BUT, why do you say "YES I STILL THINK IT"S POSSIBLE it could be true" ? Is there something that indicates he may have abused her?

You need to really contemplate why you may think this is possible.

My heart goes out to you.

In the mean time, I would keep your husband away from your daughter, and allow SUPERVISED visits with him and your son.

Answer 11

I'm afraid this is the type of situation where you can only go by what your instincts tell you is the truth.

You need to decide where your initial loyalties lie.  If this "is" true and you invite your husband back into your home, you are putting your children at risk.

It's a very sad situation to be in, particularly when you are not sure what is true and what is not.

Would a 10 year old know what oral s*x is?  My kids have no idea and my oldest is 9 and a half.  If she gave an accurate description of oral s*x, and had no idea what it was previously, then I'd be inclined to believe her.  You can't make something like that up out of thin air.

Make sure you discuss this with your child's mental health provider, they may have more of an insight into whether it is possible that it was made up or not.

I would personally be inclined to take my child's side, but I am not in your postion, do not know your husband, or your daughter, so I can only give an opinion on what I would do if I was going through the same thing.

I really do wish you and your family the best, and hope you can sort this out, and find some peace about it.

edit:  How sad, I just read the extra details you added - it sounds like everyone (not you though) are ganging up against your daughter.  What a horrible thing to happen to a 10 year old, especially if what she has said is true.  Give her lots of cuddles and love, she must be feeling so lost and alone right now.

Answer 12

wow, tough situation not only you are in but for your daughter and your husband as well. In one hand your daughter could be telling the truth and being bi-polar is making it difficult for everyone around her to believe her....but it could be that she just made the whole thing up, she probably saw it on TV or heard it...and her little mind think it is true......and in the other hand if this is true you can not allow your husband in...because you have two children to protect....but what if this is just not truth ....he must be feeling really angry....and I am sure he will resent your daughter and ....there is the chance that he can mis-treat your daughter, you know...if this wasn't truth...he will resent her. There is the chance that even if this wasn't truth ....due to your daughter's mental health she will still believe that was true.

This is a terrible terrible circumstance in what you are in, I am really sorry that you find yourself in this situation. The question here is what your husband say about it? is he willing to do ANYTHING it takes to resolve it?.....I mean....try taking your daughter to an independent psychologist, someone specialized in child abuse and may be he can help sort this out, and give your more insight.

My best wishes for you and your family.

Answer 13

I just want to say something to all the people saying 10 year olds wouldn't know what oral s*x was. I knew what it was when I was a kid, I even got in trouble for bragging to my friends that I'd done it before. Everyone was talking about s*x, and blowjobs and going down on girls...it was the cool thing to do. I'm 23 and that was back in like the 4th grade. So it is possible that she knows and she lied.

I wouldn't let him near my kids though. You have to trust your daughter right now. Let him have short supervised visits with your son until you have your daughter checked out. Take her to psychologist. Maybe even try hypnosis...

EDIT-

I forgot to mention that when I bragged about doing it, I was lying. I was 17 before I even did anything. But thats not very cool these days...

Answer 14

Lie detector test for both of them.

If the hubby gets pissed, tell him that you need to support your kid first.