Child refusing to go to school.?

Question

We've been in touch with school counselors, and it's been decided that she simply doesn't feel comfortable at school.

There are options, where she's able to work at home. I feel she's smart, despite her attendance records she does reasonably well in school, mostly the arts, English, design. But she's also having very serious problems with depression coming from her what seems like endless amounts of stress, anxiety and tension. She doesn't have any friends, and hardly leaves the house unless it's with the family.

Not that she's unable to talk to people, she has excellent conversational skills, she just seems to choose not to partake in any social activities, despite my trying to get her to.

I guess what I'm asking is, is it right for me to try and get her to come to school, even when she herself has found other options for her schooling, being able to stay at home. The social aspect worries me, and the fact that no one at home will be able to monitor if she's even really doing work

Answer 1

I'd say try homeschooling, I'm home schooled and I get plenty of socialization, I see friends a lot, I'm in 4H and home school groups and youth group.  With you saying that no one at home can monitor if  she is doing her work thats not true. My mom monitors my work everyday. You will need to spend time with her you can't just give her, her books and say do this. My school curriculum tells me what to do everyday (I'm in 10th grade) but when I was younger my mom would tell me what  I needed to do for the day and would help me with like math and science as well as other stuff. Now that I'm older I do most of on my own.

Answer 2

Being homeschooled with full-time employed parents can be tough, but it often much better than a bad public school situation. The full-time employment can mean that you are too tired to study along with her so she can turn to you when she needs assistance. Often, finding another homeschool mom that is willing to be a resource for those times can be a help. Another common problem if you work is that you are to tired to be involved in a co-op. Co-ops are not essential by law, but they can sure be a big help for your daughter in the area of having others to do activiies with - some social connections with other kids that are also experiencing the life of homeschooling. However, if you make the effort see that she has opportunities to be involved if she wants them, that can be done.

Two of the moms in our local homeschool group were single parents (their kids have graduated to college now). It isn't easy, but it is doable to homeschool and be full-time employed.

Answer 3

For the making sure she's doing her work, an online school would be good.  I'm with Alpha Omega Academy, and they call the house if I'm ever behind in something for too long.  They also give you a parents account to log into to see how she's doing.

When I was about 12 I refused to go to school, too.  My problem was with a math teacher that picked on kids (once he stapled a boys pants so high the kid couldn't sit down).  We ended up transferring to a charter school, which was amazing, and everything was fine.

We switched to homeschooling online because of health issues, and it is just easier for me to keep up with my work if I can work whenever I want for as long as I want, since it's a work at your own pace.

Socialization is very important, especially while you're a kid.

Try homeschooling, and getting her into a community club/sports team.  Find something she's interested in (painting, creative writing, etc.) and sign her up for a class at the local college for extra credit, or get her to join in at a locals boys and girls club.  Just something.

Best of luck.

x

Answer 4

I don't know if this will answer your question, but I have to tell you that when I read your posting I thought I was reading about my daughter.  She suffers from severe anxiety and depression and so far we haven't been able to find an antidepressant that doesn't make her suicidal.  I refuse to let her doctor try any other antidepressants so now she's seeing a therapist once a week and only attends school for 45 minutes (math).  She now has an IEP and gets 30 hours/month of homebound schooling.  

She too doesn't have any friends but seems to be okay with that for now.  Since her homebound instructions have begun and will probably continue through the rest of the school year, her anxiety and depression have gotten much better.  I think I'm going to have to pull her from the school all together because even that one math class is becoming to much for her.  

I used to think that my daughter needed to go to school for her socialization and learning until I realized that that's where all the problems are coming from.   She wants to learn but can't handle her peers and the whole school situation and is doing much better at home.  I wish she had at least one friend but I also think that when she's ready she'll make a friend.  

I'm also thinking about homeschooling her.  I'm scared to death because I'm not an educator and worry that she won't get a proper education.  I'm going to continue to check out the homeschooling curriculum and hope I find what I'm looking for.  Good luck to you and your daughter I know it's not easy.

Answer 5

I had the same problem, and i refused to go to school everyday, finally my mom suggested doing correspondants,  correspondants is when the school orders work for you for different subjects and they send them to you at home, they are just as difficult as it would be at school and sometimes even harder and you do not need to stay alone with her she can do it all by herself.

If she is responsible then she would do the work alone and ask you questions when she needs help, Also check to see if there is a home schooling club in you town, its a group that gathers and does fun things together who are all homeschooled, she will make tons of friends there.

Hope this helped

Answer 6

Homeschooling would be good idea in my opinion.  The stress of the artificial social situation at school is probably what is causing her depression... a lot goes on socially at school that is not healthy and does not usually happen in the real world outside the box of the school grounds.  Kids who seem a little different in any way, even a good way like being talented, are often targeted by the more popular.

Do arrange for her to be around other kids occasionally, such as at a homeschool group or co-op, 4H club, youth group, etc.  You say she has good conversational skills, if she is homeschooled she will get plenty of opportunity to keep those skills through conversations with people of all ages, not just those who were born the same year as she.

So I think you are the right track, school isn't a good environment for EVERY child, just as homeschooling is not a great idea for EVERY family.

Answer 7

There has to be a reason she doesn't want to go to school. Get to the bottom of that first.  In order to be home schooled there has to be a teacher ( you?) present . She just can't study by herself.

My son hated to go to school...we finally put him in private school and it made all the difference in the world. I had to work another  part-time job but it was worth it.

Answer 8

I love homeschooling, but it is not right for every situation.

     But what I would do if I saw these things in my child is first to get her to a pediatrician and get a referral to a child psychologist that specializes in educational issues.  Sounds like there is something more than "I need a better option than public school." at work here.  And I can't see how leaving a depressed child home alone all day while being away at work would be prudent.

Your family needs the advise of a good strong professional and then all of your options will be made very clear.  

Hugs and prayers to you in this trying time.

Answer 9

If she is depressed and naturally isolating herself (which actually is a symptom of depression, btw), I would NOT recommend you homeschool her unless she can do it somewhere supervised. You might be able to work out something with another homeschooling family or something.

And actually, you would be able to monitor if she's doing work: she'd have to show you every day when you got home the work she's accomplished and ask any questions that popped up. If she doesn't get work done during the day, she could always do her school work at night with you there.