Child visitation problem for my five year old son?

Question

Hello and thanks to all whom takes the time to help me resolve a very delicate family issue. I am a separated father of a five year old son. My visitation has been that I get my son every other weekend along with additional time during the summer. Up until this time everything has gone well for the most part.

To the problem… My ex just informed me this week that she has taken a different job position and will no longer be able to meet me at the half way point between our homes (we live two hours apart) She is asking that I now pick him up and bring him home before and after my visits. We have a court order that says we are to meet half way but I would really like to work out some type of compromise without going through courts. Myself, I work 8 to 5 Monday through Friday. For instance if I were to get off work on a Friday afternoon and drive all the way the pick him up, I would not get home until sometime between 9 & 10 PM!!!! Would it be a good idea to calculate all the extra mileage I will now be driving and attempt to get her to reduce the child support I now pay???

Please write me with any resolutions or ideas you may have for this dilemma!!

Answer 1

Since you have a court order, you could simply tell her no and if she has a problem with it, you could take it back to court.

Or... She could bring him to you on Fridays and you could make the trip on Sundays.

Answer 2

You could have her drive one way and you drive the other way.  You could calculate the mileage and fuel to have her reduce child support.  Or you could just tell her no!  You could go back to court and have them resolve the situation BUT don't give up any of your visitation!!!

Answer 3

I think it is great that you are willing to cooperate.  My ex thinks everything should be bent to his favor and is never willing to compromise unless some other adult is also involved and he doesn't want to look bad....so I cheer you!!!  

I assume school & the distance between you two makes alternate week custody out of the question?  I think the "she drives one trip, you drive the other trip" is honestly the easier solution.  That way you are gipped out of quality time with your son because you spend 4 hrs of the weekend driving.

I think it is only fair that you be reimbursed for driving the extra distance.  After all. wouldn't she offer to reimburse a friend or family member to drive him to the 1/2 point? Why should she not pay if it's YOU driving that half?  But I'd leave that out of child support since like others mentioned,  expense of going to court. Or if there appears to be ANY discrepancy in what you paid vs. what you are "supposed" to pay, she could nail you to the wall some day.  

Answer 4

That's certainly not fair on your part.  Your Friday night with your son is pretty much out.  And your Sunday is probably cut short too.  Is it the commute you dislike or the time spent with your son is cut short?  If it's the commute, then I would have her reimburse you for the mileage for the 2 extra hours you have to drive.  And does she work on Sunday evenings that she can't meet you half way then?  Who works on Friday evenings and Sunday evenings?  

I don't think you should attempt to reduce the child support, because what if this situation changes, and then you have to go changing the child support again, which if that is done through the courts, is probably a hassle.  I would ask for the mileage reimbursement first.  If she doesn't agree to any suggestions at all, then I would go through the court system.  

Answer 5

First of all, don't bring child support into it. The support is overseen by the state, whereas the visitation is between the two of you, unless one or the other violates it.

I would think that since she's moving, she'd be more open to accomodating you. Especially if the move results in better pay for her, but whatever, people get unreasonable after divorce sometimes.

Could you work it out to where your visitations are longer and the exchanges fewer in between? Would it affect the child's school schedule? Is there another way- for example, flying or train, that might be faster?

If it just can't be helped, I hope she'll work with you on the timing, but honestly, this is exactly what my brother goes through and it's just part of it. Try to make the time you have together really quality time, and I wish you the best.

Answer 6

if you wanna see your son then go pick him up. its not that difficult. its only every other weekend, she has to drive him around the rest of the time i am sure you could manage driving 4 hours every other weekend. i dont see the problem

Answer 7

If your court order says that you meet half way then you really can't change that without another court order UNLESS you both agree on it. And you can't change the child support without a court order too. I would get a consultation with an attorney and ask what the best way to handle the whole situation.

And you could tell her that half way could also mean you pick him up on Friday and she pick him back up on Sunday. Other than that I would not give up my rights.

Answer 8

I am going through a similar situation right now. Except, my husband and I moved 3.5 hours away from PA to MD. My daughters father sometimes refuses to meet us half way. We have not done the court thing yet, and it is very difficult sometimes.

I think it is crazy for you to have to drive both ways. If our court order states "half way". then that is what it is. If you don't want to go through the court system then maybe she can drive him to your house/town and you can drive him back to her house/town. If this doesn't work either then I would definetly go through court. Good luck!!!

Answer 9

The changw in child support could work, another idea would be one does the dropping off and one does the picking up.  like you will take him home if she dropps him off... there is no way she can be too busy for both.

Answer 10

If the court order says she is to meet you half way then that's what the judge will say.  

If you go the mileage and reduce the child support route, you might be setting yourself up for a big problem later down the road.  She can go back and use the check's or whatever to prove you haven't been paying full child support as agreed upon in court.  

Answer 11

To reduce the child support would mean you'd have to contact the courts and go through all of that hassle that you are trying to avoid.  I suggest you simply take turns picking him up.  If you pick him up on Friday, then she has to pick him on on Sunday (or whatever day).  Surely there is some kind of compromise.  If not, then simply tell her that you won't be able to do that.  Its against the agreement of your custody.  If she's not able to live up to her end of the bargain, then contacting your lawyer may be the only way to resolve this issue.  Good luck.

Answer 12

The court order cannot be changed if you do not agree.

But my advice is:  Do as much as you can, and ask her to help make this better for all of you.  Like one round trip every other time, or meeting sometimes if she can't do them all.  Negotiation where you loose a little pays off in the long run.  Being right, and a court order can give you leverage; but the fighting custodial parent can add more pain than this in the long run.  

But don't resent it, and don't loose any visits.

Answer 13

yes I think that if you are willing to bend on your end,she should allow a reduction in child support. I also think that it's pretty nice of you consider it at all.

Answer 14

She should have to follow the agreement.