Child wants to live with father?

Question

i have a beautiful 8 yr. old son. he is my everything. i got married when he was 2 yrs. old, his father and i had joint custody and hten he stopped seeing him much, when he went to kindergarten we got full custody back, 1st. grade honor roll, this yr. failing, showing behavior problems, always want to go live with his dad and now trying to set my house on fire to go be with him, so i let him go tonight for 7 days. my family upset says bad parent, gave up on him, idk what to do let him live with him, or fight for him. his dad isn't the greatest in the world. sees him every other weekend and during summer vacation. i thought it was a phase to go live with him, but now i am not so sure. i am on the verge of a mental breakdown thinking bad parent, wanting to know why live, etc. i have no one to talk to about this. please someone help me out here, am i really a bad parent? i know when he turns 12 he will want to live with him, i am just trying to hold on to him for a few more yrs.

Answer 1

U aint bad my parents are divoreced and I think you should let your child live with the father for a month or two and if he doesnt want to come back, wat can I say you are kinda screwed

Answer 2

First you are not a bad parent

I'm a kid myself and if my parents divorsed i'd b upset

just sit him down and ask him who he'd prefer and if he says the father dont b upset

Answer 3

a boy tends to want to live with his dad.  let him....what's the big deal?  it doesn't make you a bad parent.  someone in his life may be hurting him suddenly doing poorly in school may be one of them.  You and his dad not his step father should be trying to find out the sudden change in behavior even if it means he lives with his dad  and never mind worrying that you think you are a bad parent.   If you find out years down the road something is happened to him you will really know what it is like to be a bad parent.

Answer 4

no you are not a bad parent if you was it wouldn't be bothering you this badly to begin with and as of what i can see you are trying to do what you think is right to help him

however i had a friend with the same exact problem but the fire thing was trying to hurt his little brother...she let him go to live with his dad which in turn didn't help once the new wore off he wanted to go bad to mom it's a game plan to see which one they can get their way with more and this child got so much worse medical treatment the works ...from counseling to prescribed drugs...i think if it was me i would fight for him to stay with me i also would not condone his actions if he wanted to act like he is i would treat him as a baby i would make him sleep in my room and keep an eye on him as though he couldn't do anything alone to protect me but also show him that until he behaves he has no privacy or privilages that he has to be watched 24 -7 as for school until you have problems there don't push it good luck

Answer 5

If you have been doing everything you should and kid is still trying to burn the house down, the kid has a mental problem. That isn't always your fault, many kids are just born that way.

Living with his Dad might solve  the problem or he might try to burn down his house too. So let go, let him live with his Dad. Tell Dad that if this doesn't work out he will have to put him him in a home for unruly children because you can't handle it anymore

Answer 6

im sorry about your situation..thats really sad. are you really strict with your son because maybe you care too much? it's important to take care of him, but if you're too clingy he might get a little annoyed. ask him what his father does for him that you don't. and maybe it's just the need to have a fatherly figure since he's  male and all

Answer 7

wait until he is 12 and see if he still wants too. Is the father bribing your son?

Answer 8

I don't know you, so I can't say whether or not your a good/bad parent, I will say this parents are humans and they like kids make mistakes as well. You have the chance to do right by your son and let him go live with his father. If you don't do this you will end up feeling guilty and your son will end up resenting you.

Answer 9

both parents need to encourage a relationship with the other parent, even it it's difficult. it takes a while but it will come. i  too have had the same situation , it has taken years and there is always another trying situation around the corner.

Answer 10

I wouldn't listen to everyone else.  I would let my son go live with his father.  If you ALLOW others to get to you by calling you a "bad parent" then you ARE.  This is YOUR son, so it is YOUR decision, what other's say doesn't matter, they're not the one raising this child

Answer 11

If you love something set it free ......

If he wants to live with his dad let him, or he may resent you.

His father is just as much a parent of this child as you.

He obviously feels like he wants to be close with his dad, and he feels like he is already close to you.

Your not a bad parent either way. Its very obvious you love your son dearly and its never easy letting go like that.

Answer 12

A lot of times boys will start off being Mama's boys, wanting to be held & snuggled. Then around 8, they start having more in common with dad. In my case my son talks sports all the time with my husband, his dad. He just likes hanging out with him. I notice he'll sit with him on the couch now, instead of sitting by me. It makes me sad, because he is the youngest.

All of our daughters started off being daddy's girls, & they still are, & always will be! I too, often think I'm a bad parent.

Why do they favor him more?

With your son not doing so good in school, there could always be something going on at school. If he lived with his dad, would he change schools?

Is he unhappy at home with someone else?

It could be The grass always looks greener on the other side.

It could be he feels insecure about not having his dad with him all the time, like the other kids...? It could be so many things.

I think you're being a good mom, to listen to your son. It sounds like he's acting out, but "not talking to you".

Would it be possible for you to get him some counseling with him? Maybe even at school or church?

I'm wondering- If you went through a Court Mediator, what they would say. They don't alway side with the child as far as which parent thely want to live with, at this age for a reason. They are amazing at seeing what's best for the child, & why.

I can feel your pain. It doesn't sound to me like you're a bad mom, or that you're giving up on him.

"Tell him" what's on your heart.  That you would do anything for him. If you have to let him go it will rip your heart out. You don't know what to do, you're not trying to be mean & keep him from his Dad. This will be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, & that you just don't understand why it's happening. Offer him a solution other then totally moving in with dad. Ask him how he'd feel if he lived with dad during the Summer?  Maybe change Dads visitation to where he gets more Dad time. Anything would be better then him completely living with Dad.

I understand you trying to hold on! Time goes fast.

I can totally understand how you must feel.

...I can't say I understand how he feels though. That's the question I guess. Try to get to the root of it.

It may take a third party to help you. I hope I've helped in some way. Hang in there!

God Bless you both.

Answer 13

I think you have watched a show called "Devil Boy" where a boy about 8 years old tries to set fire to everything to cope with divorce.