Children and Divorce?

Question

My husband and I are on a pending divorce. My 7 yr old daughter's confused about Mommy and Daddy separating. How do I comfort and make it easier for her?

Answer 1

its hard.. really hard.. my mans daughter turned 7 a few weeks ago, her parents have been separated for 2 years... she doesnt understand, even now, why mommy and daddy cant be together anymore, why they cant be a family, its hard for her to even understand what i am as a girlfriend (we dont live togetherm everything is nice an slow, for them... they see me as a best friend) he has tried explaining it for the truth that it is, i dont necessarily agree, but, so far, it seems to be working... he has told her that when people get married, its because they feel loved and protected, and comfortable and that they are with their best friend forever - but mommy (who is the one who wanted the divorce) didnt feel comfortable anymore and didnt want to be with him... she left it at that... i didnt really agree with him blaming her for the divorce, however, he wants them to grow up knowing that marriage is not for the weak hearted and that there are right and wrong reasons to get divorced... he wants them to think that mommy was wrong for wanting the divorce.. i think thats wrong, but besides the point, the kids (the 7 year old and her 5 year old sister) seem to feel the most comfortable when they have a family around them.. whether his parents are around, or its me and him with them, or with my family, they always have lots of people around them that love them and he thinks they shine like that... the best though, is to still be friendly with their father, so that the kids dont have to miss out in either of you, because its been very hard on his kids, cause he only had them a couple days a week, and they miss him terribly... so, i think thats the most important - dont make visitation and phone calls difficult!!! let her have a good relationship with her father... eventually, sadly, she'll get used to it.. she prolly wont understand it really till she's older... make sure you never let her think she was hte cause, because we have never let the kids think they had anything to do with their parents divorce, but his 7 year old brought it up on her own "i know you got divorced because of me..." and we squashed that as best we could...  

Answer 2

tell her the truth maybe not all the details but be honest kids can handle more then what we think.  also her already knows mom and dad are not happy.  just make sure that she knows that you two still love her and that will never change no matter what.

Answer 3

pending...you should not get a divorce. It's heartbreaking for children.

Answer 4

I was around that age when my parents got a divorce. They sat down and explained to me that it was not my fault, they will still love me very much and it will be better to have to happy parents apart, rather then 2 unhappy parents together :-) I completely understood and have a great relationship with both parents xoxox

Answer 5

first thing she has to know is its not her fault!  kids often do as well as there parents do, if she see u and dad happy tho ur not living together she will do ok.

communication is key, no questions should be off limits.!

do things with her, if u can maybe u and her dad could do things with her together depends on the condition of ur relationship! NEVER bad mouth her dad, ever!  kids are pretty reziliant, and will do ok so long as the parents do ok too..

good luck.

Answer 6

Just tell her that even though mom and dad are getting a divorce you will never stop loving her and the divorce won't stop u from loving and caring for her and no matter what u will always be there for her.

Answer 7

you should have thought that before even thinking of getting a divorce.You are only thinking how to momentarily comfort her.. what about rest of her life?  

Answer 8

Just make sure that you make the most of our time with her.  She will miss you when she is away that is normal.  Try to always reassure her that you love her.  My step-daughter is getting a divorce now and it is ugly.  Maybe since you have a good relationship with your ex he will help reassure her also.  You might have him stop in and visit her mid-week to help her feelings.  Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 9

dang...........wish I could help......but I am in the same boat myself.

I would be divorced by now, if I could figure out how to make to make it easy on the kid.

I have heard all the advice mentioned here, and it's good advice......

but the trouble is......most assume the spouse is willing to remain friendly.

She's not friendly to BEGIN with......why on earth do you think I want the divorce???????

Just a mean, negative  cuss.......and I don't see divorce improving her crappy disposition any.

ah well..........but that's my cross to bear........good luck. .

Answer 10

You will never be able to provide complete comfort and be prepared to see the manifestations of this throughout her life.  There is NO replacement for the nuclear family.

Here's a list of what you can do:

Stay single for a long while...the worst thing you can do is introduce her to more confusion surrounding the issue.  Unfortunately though, our selfish human nature often prevails here at the expense of our children.  

Do not lie to her about the reasons why.

Do not degrade one another in her presence (preferably not at all)

Maintain an amicable relationship with your ex.

Ensure thorough communication concerning your daughter's well being...not just about money.

Work to keep each other involved in her life, in her activities, school,

etc.  

Be sure the school sends copies of progress reports and report cards, parent-teacher conferences, all work, etc. to the non-custodial parent.

Above all, LOVE her with all you heart and being!  Place her needs above your own and all three of you will be okay.

  

Answer 11

you just have to make sure that she understands that things wont change. daddy wont be staying here but you will still see him as much. try to have a day that you and your soon to be ex can both take her out the whole day. do it for a little while till she grows up. either way im sure that both of you will have some type of relationship because of her. so just make it great for her.

Answer 12

As long as she is # 1 in both of your priority lists, she will be resilient and deal wiht it better...but sorry lady...divorce will affect your daughter no matter how much you love her. I dont think you ever get over it. Me and my brothers still today talk about why mom and dad split up...and this was about 20 yrs ago. Studies show that divorced kids have a higher drop out rate....addictive rate...etc...you can read about it. I just feel bad for kids of parents who cant look past their own selfish desires or feelings. You dont stay togther for the kids...but it should be one of the reasons.