Children having children?

Question

Not so long ago and all through the course of history, when a girl began her menstrual cycle, she was considered a woman. She was expected to "grow up". Take on responsibilities. Have children. I think what is wrong with society is that we are saying that children should be children until they're in their 40's. I think they need to lower the working age. Look at how kids are spending their time now. It's not productive. If you look at some of the other countries, where the kids aren't killing each other, they are treated like intelligent human beings at a younger age. I'm not talking about the war zones, where 6 year-olds are given a rifle and sent to war. I realize this is out of the box thinking, but I know my grandparents and their generation and the ones before them were allowed to grow up at an earlier age. They were married and reproduced at the age that was naturally intended. We are teaching our children to wait and have babies when they are in their late 20's and 30's. It's...

Answer 1

Ya and people are dying of cancer earlier and earlier, so some don't get the chance to have families, others don't get the chance to see their children's children........so sad.

My g-ma married at 14. She had 3 kids and was married for 52 years before cancer took her from us.

Answer 2

i think for me, it would have been not a good thing.  i have waited, and gladly.

i am finally ready to be a mother, albeit at 39.

i am SO glad i didn't do it earlier.

Answer 3

I think you have a point, to a certain degree.   The difference is that many young people wait to get married and have children today because they want to further their education and go to college.   It's pretty hard to be a college student AND a parent at the same time.

It's also a lot harder for young people to get a start in life today than it was in past generations.  Back in the old days (think "Little House on the Prairie") a couple got married at 17 or 18, built a house for themselves out of whatever natural resources were available, got some practical wedding presents from the family like down pillows and handmade quilts, and started their lives together.

As we all know, this kind of life is next to impossible today.  The average house in this country costs $291,000.  The average apartment is $1,200 per month.  How many young couples can afford to set up housekeeping on the income they earn at entry-level jobs?

Perhaps the whole issue of college is part of the problem.   A college education is a wonderful thing, and some young people should definitely pursue it.  We need doctors, lawyers, accountants, etc. to serve us in this world.

On the other hand, we also need plumbers, carpenters, electricians, etc.   Why are we not encouraging more young people to attend tech high schools and focus on learning a trade?  A young plumber probably DOES make enough money to get an apartment and start a life.  But a kid that just graduated from law school has $100,000 in student loans, and has to compete with a zillion other new graduates for jobs that pay only $50,000 a year.

Just my thoughts, but I understand what you are saying.  We need to give kids more responsibility at an earlier age.  I agree.

Answer 4

You know younger children are smart and they should have something productive to do. However, I think they should teach the consquences and how hard it really is to take care of a child before they have s*x or consider it. I mean there is a lot to it that a lot of young girls and even guys dont really understand yet. I have been hearing of 12 year olds having babies and i think that is just wrong...They are young and their bodies are still maturing. Just because you get your period I dont think they sound be like i want a baby. As far as us spending our time yes we need something good to do. Our problem is that there is nothing to do but drink drugs and s*x. its a big part of a teens like and you know throughout high school that is all there is. So its just going to continue

Answer 5

You have a good point, but at the same time I think is a good idea that we have education...specially women, since they are the ones that mostly need to support their kids...so I think that finishing high school is a great idea...going to college is even better.

But you do have a point.

Answer 6

I had a religion teacher who when I got engaged my senior year of high school encouraged me to get married. (He taught both myself and my husband.) Everyone insisted we were too young. They were wrong. I have been happily married for almost half my life. But our families did come around quickly and were supportive. I never missed out on bar hopping or dating like all my friends told me I would. We practically grew up together and have an incredible bond. I do think we should stop discouraging young folks from marrying early. If the families are supportive I think they have a heck of a chance of making it!

Answer 7

I think this is just plain silly.  You can't make a blanket statement like this.....

I had responsiblities in my 20s...it was called college...getting an education....building a life and a career so that my children would have nice things....so that I could afford to stay home with them...so that we could have health care and so that i would be in stable marriage.

My grandma had 3 kids by the time she was 20...she was overwhelmed, mean and a terrible mom.  I love her, but that is the truth...of course, she would be mean and selfish at 30.....

My children are far better off because I waited until I was 30.  I now have time to volunteer at school, be with them, and provide them with a great life.

Lower the working age are you crazy?  Children should be in school getting an education so they can make better lives for themselves.

I don't personally know one 20 year old who should be a parent right now.  Although my girlfriend and her husband did it and have been married for 25 years and did great..could never afford much, but were happy and healthy.

Why do people need to come with some blanket solution for a "problem" that doesn't exist.  It is none of your business if a 40 year old woman has a baby any more than it is my business if a 20 year old does.

There are plenty of children who spend their lives learning, creating and volunteering.  I will encourage my children to go to school and get her education and have herself in the best position possible before they have children.

Answer 8

Your question reminded me of an article I'd read recently about young men who want to live like teens for much of their twenties and on.

http://www.city-journal.org/2008/18_1_si...

I wonder if this delayed adulthood has a direct influence on fertility rates going down, too.

Answer 9

I think kids are entering puberty much younger than generations ago - probably dietary differences.  But, while they are entering puberty earlier, they are NOT more emotionally mature.  

Truly, there was a pregnant 11 year old a few years ago at the school where I teach.  She WASN'T a woman.  She was a child.  She had an abortion, but if she hadn't, her body probably couldn't have handled childbirth.  

I really do think family preservation is the best thing in most cases, and certainly in more cases than it happens.  I do see your point that society today treats, for instance, a pregnant 19 year old as if she is ruining her youth and future if she parents a baby, when it really isn't an  unnatural thing at all physically or socially to be pregnant as a young woman.  And, part of the increase in infertility rates is the fact that many people today are putting off parenting until they are past their prime fertility years.  

So, anyway, while I agree with your general point, there ARE some children having children.

Answer 10

I tried in my 20's but alas was still not able to conceive.

I think 20's and 30;s are good times to have children.  Children having children to me are the 14 & 15 year olds....but still they can do it if they receive the correct support, but developmentally they will have struggles, coping with every day teenage stuff and with being a mom.

Answer 11

I got married at 22 and had a baby at 24. I finished college and right I am a stay-at-home mom. Very few people that are in age group (I am 27 right now) had to grow "up" fast. Here in Canada, the norm is that most people in their even late 20's still live at home.

I think there should be a balance between having schooling and starting a family and getting married. I waited until marriage and I don't regret it nor do I regret getting married at 22. Although I am a stay -at- home mother , I have the tools if God forbid my husband loses his job or we get divorced. I think it's a bad idea for women to wait until they are in their late 30's or forties because, your fertility rates aren't in your favor and although some might get pregnant, if you had fertility issues in your youth that you weren't even aware about, they will get worse with time. And IVF only has a success rate of Between 16-20%. My SIL has tried it many times to no success and wasn't aware until she tried to have a family with her husband (both in their mid 30's) that it had cysts around many parts of her uterus which has solidified and has render infertile and impossible for her to conceive naturally.

I think it is also foolish to get married nowadays straight out of high school and have loads of kids, because how will you be able to support them?

I say there has to be some balance between age and school.

Answer 12

Times have changed and along with that expectations, cultural mores, and our sense of morality.  The maturity level I am seeing in many children and teens is the very reason they should not reproduce (yet).  Most teenagers have a lot of growing up to do and most do not yet understand what an incredibly difficult and time consuming task it is to raise a child.  Most also could not buy their own lunch, let alone support a family.  I think that child labor laws are good, they prevent poverty stricken families from exploiting young children in forcing them to work when they should be in school, getting an education.  "Back in the day" when your grandparents met, married and had their children at maybe 14 or 16 the tradition was to marry first.  I hardly ever see a teenage couple that does this simple, but I believe essential first step.  This trend towards promiscuity is what I really believe is the reason young people still get pregnant at this young an age, not the desire to marry for life and produce a family as the trend was in Grandma's day.  In your Grandparents day and age promiscuity was unheard of, and that is one reason for a younger marriage age then.  I don't think a teenager's body is completely developed and studies show it is unwise to place such a great strain on the developing body, by trying to carry a child to term during puberty.  That is why Dr.s with the update in technology, and deeper understanding of how the body works, realize that the age for childbearing should be in the 20s or 30s when a person is not only physically mature enough to carry a pregnancy without undo physical strain, but they are also psychologically mature enough to raise a child.  A teenager who becomes pregnant while their own bones are still growing becomes depleted physically by the fetus that competes for calcium for its own growing bones.  Young teens are legally still children and the age of consent is 18 for s*x, not 14 or 16 so we really are discussing a moot point.  Its not legal for children to work or to be reproducing and for good reason.  Waiting until an older age (now that people live into their 80s, 90s and even 100s) in no way diminishes the lifespan you will be able to enjoy with a future spouse and children.  (As it might have when the life expectancy was lower: around 65 or 75-that was originally why it was considered appropriate for 14 or 16 year old couples to marry and start a family.  Times have changed and now that people live longer it is wise to complete a higher education, secure a good job and develop character and wisdom from life before marrying and settling down to raise a family.  Another reason for the delay (until when a person is in their 20s or 30s) is because of the advent of birth control.  Now that the pill, Depo Provera shot and reliable methods like the IUD are readily available there is no reason a young person need begin a family before they are financially independent or emotionally mature enough to be a parent.  Yes, technically teenagers could reproduce if they choose, but maybe they SHOULDN'T.  That is my honest opinion.  I believe abstinence before marriage is the only "safe" birth control method that God approves of.  I practiced it and I recommend it to anyone who will listen.  Now I have a wonderful marriage relationship and 2 soon to be 3 beautiful healthy children.  I don't feel at all like I had to wait too long for my dreams of a home and family to come true either.  I look back on my teenage years and I'm so glad I waited.  My teenage years and young adult years were a time for learning and growing up.  I recommend waiting until you are in your 20s to 30s to start a family.  It just makes sense.

Answer 13

Being ready to be a parent is not just based on what is going on physically.  Do you REALLY think a 13 year old should be having a baby???  The maturity is not there..times have changed and having babies before the brain is fully grown is insane.

Answer 14

you hit the nail on the head...

biologically, and anthropologically we are supposed to reproduce at younger ages.  this is why chomosonal abnormalities and infertility increase with age.  also, in generations pasts, young women got pregnant at 15, 16 years old....but the difference was they also got MARRIED!

you see, the whole "children having children" epidemic is because the marriage rate for young mothers have decreased; and society feels as if it is a burden to assist them. now grant it, i do NOT advocate for teenage marriage...but that's another topic for another time.

and i agree that we need to allow our kids to grow up and learn responsiblity beyond taking out the trash and washing the car.  kids don't work---yet we scratch our head as to why adults have no work ethic. kids are not punished for mistakes--yet, we wonder why we have adults who are completely incapable of taking responsibility for their actions.  kids are given carte blanc to buy anything they want--yet we wonder why americans are in debt, can't  manage money and live beyond their means...

so do we, as a society, attempt to keep our children in a perpectual adolescence...h**l yes!

ps. waiting until marriage it not the win-win most people think.  first, most people who make "virginity pledges" don't bother to learn about STDs, pregnancy prevention or other sexual health issues. second, one can't guarantee the sexual abstinence of their partner.  can't tell you how many times a young person who waited found out after they had s*x that their partner had herpes, genital warts or other STDs. in other words, people LIE about being virgins, all the time.  next, the average age of first marriage in the US is 27.  it's pretty unrealistic to demand sexual abstinence for adults. finally, abstinence until marriage doesn't guarantee total immunity from STDs, and unintended pregnancy.

my opinion...(based on the evidence) is that if someone wishes to teach this to their children or practice this (which is fine) it is IMPERATIVE that they are educated on STDs and pregnancy prevention, understand that marriage is NOT total protection from sexual health issues; and realize that they can't guarantee sexual abstinence until marriage from their partner...

Answer 15

Naturally intended? So I started my period when I was 12, that means I should go out, get pregnant and buy a house. All before I am 14 years old!

We live in a different generation now, generations change all the time. Thats life. I would rather my child, be a child and have a childhood, before making plans to grow up. Why do we need to rush our kids to grow up? Isnt is bad enough that kids grow up that quick, and before you know it, they arent babies anymore.

I want my kids to enjoy teenage years and go out and party like every other normal teen!

I wont teach my kids the best time to have kids, but I dont agree in rushing them into growing up so fast either.

Answer 16

Wow, I didn't think that you'd have a lot of people that agreed with you, given this current day and age. And I find that I agree with them also! Cagney especially got it right.

We can have all those things that the older generation had, we just have to raise our kids right. If lazy parenting wasn't such the thing to do these days, I don't think that we would have half the problems. Special circumstances not included, I believe that if you aren't ready to raise kids, then you shouldn't have s*x. I know it's not a popular way to think, but I also feel like its practical. Since s*x is the way you make babies, be careful who you pick to have it with and you won't necessarily have to worry about who the daddy/mommy of your kids are IF you get pregnant.

I think if we had more responsible parents, we'd have less pregnant teens, underage alcoholics, and Young drug addicts.

That's my .02

Skatergurljubulee

Answer 17

I actually think you have an interesting view on this.  I agree with what you say about children could be held to higher standards instead of dumbing them down...  But, I also think in our society that education is important and if they can hold of on starting a family until later, it may help them out in the future.

Answer 18

I can see where you're going with this.  But also look at the older generations.  They also died at a much earlier age.  

I think what needs to happen is parents raising their children.  No more lazy parenting.  If parents held their children accountable for their actions and proper punishment was known to follow, then things may be better.  I don't think you'd see as much kids killing kids and the other if moms and dads would get off the couch and spend time with their kids.  Let the kids know if you do A then B is going to happen.  And if they choose to do A then dammit B really is going to happen.  No more threats.  Love your children, but teach them.  So many people have kids and don't want to take the time away from themselves to actually raise them.

I agree treat children like they are intelligent.  But i wouldn't encourage a 13 or 15 year old to hold down a job and raise a family either.

It's about time the actual adults took on some responsibility.

Answer 19

Although I think this is in the wrong section, I have to agree with you. It's the way our society has been formed and child labor laws. I have been TTC with my DH (yes husband) for 17 months and I'm turning 20 in July. People make me so angry when they say I shouldn't be having kids (when they don't even know me). Everyone who knows me says I would make a great mom (they don't know we are TTC) and I'm great with kids etc. There are independent, mature, young adults that are ready to have children, even though they aren't 30.

I ask a question similiar to this not to long ago, it's still open. Just to clarify I don't approve of young immature children or immature "adults" having babies, I just don't think you should judge someone because they have a planned child at a young age. I think because of the way our society currently is, that you should wait until 18, or at least until your married.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 20

I agree with you. My mom has told me that she doesn't want me to have any kids for at least another 10 years (so in my 30s then). I've heard people disapprove of anyone who gets married before their 30s, because they're so young they're "obviously" going to break up.

Age is just a number. Its maturity that matters and people matures differently.

I'm personally not ready for children and won't be for a while, but I don't disapprove of people my age (early 20s) getting married & having children. Part of me wants to do that - its natural instincts I think. I know loads of people my age who want to, but won't/can't because of society's pressures.

People should do what's right for them when it's right for them and without pressure from society.

Answer 21

You may have a good point here..Im kinda diggin it : )

Answer 22

what???

Answer 23

i think you're right, 100%.

people can have children when they are older, or young. i understand (kind of) why people are freaking out about teenage s*x, but not really...

like, i understand that people dont get an education if they have kids young, but there is nothing else wrong with it...

Answer 24

Wonderful, Now since you can't control those children but yours, are your children going to change the world, or merely survive in it?  What are you doing as a parent to make that a reality?