Children who misbehave? Any ideas?

Question

I have a 9 yr old girl who has been making bad choices at summer camp for the past few weeks. Today she broke something at a facilty while on a field-trip.

I have tried spanking, grounding her, taking away toys, putting her to bed at 6, positive reinforcement, if she were ten I could put her in a detention facilty for the weekend to give her a real view of where her choices will bring her but I am limited as to what to do.

I have set up an appointment with a counsler and she will be starting group therapy sessions with kids her age but what can I do at home? I feel like a faliure as a parent...

Any help is greatly appreciated. Please do not leave nasty remarks, if all you want to say is my kid is sick in the head or just a horrible person or that i am a horrible parent then just move on to the next question.

Answer 1

group therapy is great but 1/1 therapy is good to. my son did that for acouple years when he was real young and did the same as ur daughter. just wait and ask the therapist they will help you ALOT

Answer 2

go to www.reclaiming.com and read what they have to say about raising children.  It will help.

Answer 3

as a kid myself, i think ur an excellent parent. i just think u need to sit-down with her and talk. dont say anything that will aggravate her tho. im sure she'll behave. shes only 9 maybe its just her maturity. dont give up =)

Answer 4

There's no father figure in her life. Are you both mom and dad? I like the positive re-inforcements. But just a question do you:

1) Follow through on your disciplines

2) Remain consistency on your disciplines

3) Give rewards for the things she does well (kids react well to this)

4) Penalize for the things she does wrong and give your explaination and allow her to explain her side of the story.

Have some boundaries but not so small that it will frustrate her.

Answer 5

You should not be spanking for a start.

That made me punish my parents when they tried all that.

The idea I had was that if I punished them enough, they would stop doing it, so that is why my behaviour got so bad.

Snow Man

Answer 6

well i was one of those childs like one time i faked sick and my aunt knew it so she came in with a rectal thermometer threw me over her knee pulled off my full body pajama so i was naked then she threw me over knee and stuck it in my butt hole then when she pulled it out and sid i was fine she took her hand and gave me the worst beating of my life

Answer 7

youre not a failure you are just frustrated , what is imperative is that you get to the root of all of this and perhaps the counseling will help do that .

Answer 8

Based on your name, your husband is in the Army, assumably he is away allot, if this is correct, I think the majority of your daughters misbehaviour stems from this. She misses her Dad! I would expect she acts out as her form of expressing this. I think your are taking the right steps, by seeking the assistance of a professional. If I have been led astray by your name - sorry. Good luck.

Answer 9

You are not a bad parent. You child just sounds like she is acting out her feelings, in a negative way. Tell her that it isnt okay the way that she is behaving, but then give her an outlet. A councler sounds like a great idea. Maybe she is upset about going to camp. Was she excited to go to summer camp? If not then you should talk to her. Tell her that she needs to tell you how she is feeling. If she says that she doesn't like summer camp, tell her to try it for a few more days and if she feels the same you will bring her home. And what I meant by outlet, I mean a diary that is privately hers. Or you could get her an easle and a paint set, and tell her to paint how she is feeling. She may be flusterated because of the camp thing, or it could be something else. Maybe the best idea would be to start one-on-one councling. I have a nine year old sister and she acts out alot. I babysit her for at minimum 10 hours a day about and I just sit her down with a notebook and pencil and tell her to write why she is angry/mad/upset/hurt. It usually works. But dont give your daughter the option of not doing it. It is important that you understand what your daughter is feeling, so you can try to help her. I hope that I helped a little!!!! And remember, your not a failure as a parent. You are doing just find. And I am very sorry about your husband. It is hard to loose a loved one. Well, best of luck!!!! =]

Answer 10

Consistency, consistency, consistency. Find something she really likes, and use it as consequences, and just stay consistent. What will probably happen, is that at first the behaviors will get WORSE because she is testing you. But if you have consistent consequences (both positive and negative) and ride it out for several weeks, then she will start to see the pattern and learn.

One way to have her know the consequences is to have her sit down with you and come up with them. Then she can't say it's not fair. Just make a table for her, and have her come up with ideas for punishments.

If I....                          Then I get.....

Follow directions     10 extra minutes of TV time

Disobey Mom          1/2 hour of extra chores

Do my chores           to go play with friends

Break things             to work until I have paid it off

Do extra jobs           Money as prescribed by mom

Then if there are other things she does not on the list, have her go to her room while you calm down and she calms down and come back to the list. Often talking to nine-year-olds is great for punishments because they can reason and understand why things are the way they are.

But you are being a great mom! It sounds like you have a very spirited child...just remember to try to focus her energy for good and to keep loving her no matter what choices she makes. (I remember my mom saying to us "Why do I give you these consequences?" and we would know it was because she loved us). Good luck, and thanks for being a great parent!

Answer 11

I'm 24 years old.  I remember when my mom was soooo stupid!! she didn't know anything and everything that came out of her mouth was a joke.   And then I grew up.  You sound like a mother who just doens't know what to do anymore, not a bad mother.  All I would suggest is to continue with the therapy and maybe one-on-one therapy might do her some good and keeping loving her.  She'll realize, and it might be a few years, that you were right all along and she'll be sorry for all the grief and pain she's caused.  I know I'm constantly thanking my mother for not getting rid of me!!  Good luck!