Children who misbehave?? Help!!?

Question

I have a 9 yr old girl who has been making bad choices at summer camp for the past few weeks. Today she broke something at a facilty while on a field-trip.

I have tried spanking, grounding her, taking away toys, putting her to bed at 6, positive reinforcement, if she were ten I could put her in a detention facilty for the weekend to give her a real view of where her choices will bring her but I am limited as to what to do.

I have set up an appointment with a counsler and she will be starting group therapy sessions with kids her age but what can I do at home? I feel like a faliure as a parent...

Any help is greatly appreciated. Please do not leave nasty remarks, if all you want to say is my kid is sick in the head or just a horrible person or that i am a horrible parent then just move on to the next question.

Answer 1

I would make her do extra chores, schoolwork (even in the summer).  I'd take away EVERY toy possible and not let her play outside.  If possible, ask for your child to sit in the office or indoor area of the summer camp this week and NOT participate in any activities.  Give her work to do.  If she doesn't follow that, add more more day of extra chores and NO toys, TV, PlayStation, etc.

Basically, send her to a bare room and don't give in.   Don't give her ANY privileges.   She gos to camp, sits alone, comes home, does chores, eats dinner (no dessert) and goes to bed/sits in her room/does schoolwork.

Don't let her have any fun or any extras.   She clearly doesn't deserve them.  Let her know she has NO privileges and she simply is just going to be eating, sleeping and doing chores until her behavior improves.  Let her know that misbehaving children aren't entitled to the fun activities or nice toys that good children have.

It seems like you've tried talking to her and being "nice" about this.  But, that it's not working.  I would try the above until you finally get to visit the counselor.

Answer 2

spanking wont help. it just mentally and phiscally makes them feel worse and make them do more. none of them do.

Answer 3

The first question the counselor will probably ask is, "Have there been any significant changes or events that have occurred recently to cause this behavior?"  Sometimes kids will act out for attention or because of stress.  I have a son that is a little "spirited" as well.  It sounds like you are doing what you can to curb this. Parenting isn't something you can learn from a book.  Try sitting down with your daughter and talking to her.  Maybe take her to a restaurant of her choice so she feels special for a day.  Then ask her why she has been making bad choices and what you and she can do together to solve the problem.  Good luck.

Answer 4

Maybe she didn't want to go to summer camp and she feels like you sent her away, and if she's bad enough, they will make her go home.....

You can't put someone in a detention facility because she broke something, at that age, you make them say sorry for breaking it. She's a little girl.

Answer 5

I made the same mistake. if something didn't work I switched to something else. You need to pick how you are going to discipline and stick with it. Also, don't let your frustration show, play it off like it's all a game to you and one that you WILL WIN. Keep a journal if you need to, 1st offense this happens, 2nd offense something a little worse happens, and so on and so forth.

Answer 6

Maybe the child is doing these bad choices because she think's that her life can't get any worse. Most likely, she doesn't notice it. Tell her everyday you love her and spend some time with her. You'll see her progress going up in no time! Good luck and bless you and your little girl! :)

Answer 7

maybe all the anger is the sadness of her father passing away

Answer 8

Maybe your daughter doesn't like summer camp and wants to spend her time with you. Spanking, puting to bed at 6, it probably teaches your kid to hit, or break more things. Try asking your daughter what has gone though her mind for the past few weeks of summer! :] Hope this helps!

Answer 9

Find the book "Back in Control, How to get your children to Behave" by Gregory Bodehnhamer.  Here: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url...

And read it.  It's the best, but it takes work.  I believe in this program because years ago I worked for Gregory as a trainer.  I know it works.

Answer 10

WHERE is the consistency in this child's life?  You take away toys, you hit her, you ground her you put her to bed at 6 then you turn around and say you try positive reinforcement?  Geeze give the kid a break no WONDER she is acting out!  You have totally confused her!  SHE isn't the one who needs the appointment with a counselor.  YOU need parenting classes because from what you've said I can tell you have no parenting skills.  Children of ANY age need CONSITENCY, DISCPLINE and PATIENCE...You have blown it on all three.  If you don't like people saying these things then don't post on a public message board.  And contrary to what Summer says the first thing a counselor is going to say is WHERE IS THE CONSITENCY IN THIS CHILD'S LIFE?

Answer 11

My daughter who is also 9 has some bad habbits. It seems sometimes no matter what I try.... nothing works.

She does things at school, at home, away at the homes of others.

In the last week of school she brought blue dye to school and got it all over the carpet. They talked about charging me to replace it. She randomly has done stuff like this for no apparent reason.

She gets plenty of good attention...

She works with a counselor and we have a community worker for her too.

Her doctor told me its normal for their age to be objective and to aviod doing what they are supposed to. He said even his own 10 year old does it.

For me lately whats been working is taking away her most prized things and company...

Grounded means on her bed with nothing but a book. If she wants to be up... she can clean. Thats it.

Good luck. Please don't feel like a failure.

Answer 12

boy do i know how you feel....my grandson was having issues like this...his dad committed suicide when he was 5....he was diagonosed with ADHD...my daughter did the same as you...with adhd..these kids don't even realize they are doing wrong...they haven't a clue...please have her tested...it will be the difference between day and night for you and her....her dads death alone is enough to deal with...

Answer 13

About a month after I had my babies my 7 yr old son started misbehaving a lot. He wouldn't listen, talked back, threw things. I didn't realise it would be associated with the babies as it was a month later. After trying all the things you have tried I pulled him aside one day, when he was in a calm mood, and asked him what his problem was. I asked him if he felt left out because of the babies. Eventually he admitted he wanted attention because the girls were getting so much. I explained to him why they needed more attention than him (feeding, changing nappies, they cant walk or talk) and his behaviour improved immediately. I try spend a bit more time with him now, even if it's just giving him a smile when I see him playing. He's a changed boy.

Point of all that drivel was try talking to her. Encourage her to talk to you. Let her know how your feeling and it hurts you that shes acting out like this and what can you both do to change it. I'm sure she doesn't like acting like this, try talking to her to find out what the problem is.

Answer 14

I've learned through reading and conversations and such that most kids act out and do things that they shouldn't just to seek attention because something is bothering them. Maybe just try talking to her and seeing what she has to say. She may act as if she doesn't want to talk, but deep down, I think something is really bothering her on the inside. Some children react if a parent starts dating, or they feel they aren't getting enough attention, or they feel like they aren't loved. I think you've taken some great steps by making that appointment. I'd say it's nothing serious, just some emotions that she needs to work through. I went through stages myself when I was younger, and I outgrew them. I hope nothing is terribly wrong, but like I said I think it's just something she's dealing with on the inside and she's doing these things for attention - most likely to get the attention of you. Not saying that you don't already give her attention....Best wishes!

Answer 15

baby she needs ur attention. i mean r u dating?? that mite b y. or baby she feels she doesnt have ur attention

Answer 16

Just keep punishing her, and make sure she knows this is NOT acceptable. If she continues, then put her in her room for the rest of the day (whatever - until dinner, until dad comes home, etc.) and ignore her. Tell her she cannot have a snack (just meals - breakfast, lunch, and dinner) while she's in the room, she cannot play with her toys, or do anything - just sit there. Maybe put her in your room so there are no toys. Just be the parent, but I understand what you're going through, and that that's not as easy as it sounds. Good Luck, and if this continues doing this stuff even with the room, then do the weekend thing when she's 10.