Christians: How do I love my own brother when he doesnt like me?

Question

We moved all the way across the country to be next to my little brother.He welcomed us to come. He is in his 30s and already has a pace maker and defibrillator. I was so worried about him. We sold our house and moved. But now 2 yrs later he seems to not like me or my family. He is VERY materialistic so is his wife and daughter.

They love to make fun of my family. They are very crude and will run us down for stuff like not buying a new car every two years.(ours is paid for and in perfect condition) We have lost alot of money on this move and have not done well here at all.

The only time he comes around is when he wants something.

He has parties all the time and does not invite us.:( He invites my mother and stepdad,and of cource they go and dont even give us a second thought..My own mother does not even stick up for me.

My heart is breaking. Daily it gets harder and harder for me to pray for them and me. I am very close to saying that I hate them all because it hurts my heart so much. But I dont want that sin on my head. I dont want to set a bad example for my children.

Please give me some advice on how to deal. Please dont be cruel in your answers. I am looking for a peaceful way to deal with this.

Thank You and God bless

Answer 1

What you have to remember is that God loved you when you rejected him and he loved you enough to die for you. God wants you to show this love to your brother even though it may be really difficult. Keep praying and asking God to help you and keep praying for your brother and his family. Maybe you should try talking to your brother and telling him how you feel, if you try not to get angry he might listen.

Answer 2

Do you have a social network that supports you? Do you attend any church nearby? Sometimes it might be worthwhile to forsake brother and father and mother and get involved in reaching other people that appreciate your kindness. Jesus said that he who forsakes mother, father or brother for his sake will gain one hundred fold in "family" in this life and in the life to come, eternal life. My advice, love your family, but give them space and the opportunity to appreciate you. You can't force your love on them and neither does God force His love on everyone. Continue to be thoughtful and caring, but give them the space they need. If they invite you to be part of their lives, good. If not, God knows why that is so and it shouldn't keep you from functioning as a human being. God will bless you with the wisdom and tact that is needed here. And Jesus promised a peace that passes understanding. Remember that Jesus himself was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. Tell Jesus how you feel and start finding others whom you could minister to and who can minister to you as well.

Answer 3

Love is something that come from our inside and are offered to other people. Never mind the other people reaction. If you love, you love... and so you will never ask for retribution.

Answer 4

You followed family expectations to move to be near family. You have made you family your God. Ask God to show you what you need to do.

Answer 5

You see, our human love has limitations. We love but expect love in return and when that doesn't come we get angry, sad, disappointed. That's because we react perfectly normal as humans. How did Jesus love everyone He met, even those who persecuted Him? The book The Way of Agape by Nancy Missler has the answers you are looking for. Pray and ask God to reveal your heart to you and to fill it with His love so that you are able to love your brother with His love, not yours. It is incredible what that can do. Suddenly, you will respond entirely differently to your brother. You will overlook all that has bothered you beforehand. I can't explain it any other way. If you love your brother with God's love, he will see the changes and respond to them.  

Answer 6

Dear, I believe God is protecting you and your kid from all this mess, they must not be christians, or if they are they may not be mature christians, but I believe Gos is trying to protect you  and your children from something, you really need to focus on God and trust that He will not hold a good thing from you, so when something is held from you it must not be good, you are to love your family, but not the wrong things they do, You need love and because you love your family you think they are to love you back the truth is that love never stops being, according to the book of Corinthians love does not seek its own benefit, is God's love not enough for you? Ask God to help you see your family trough his eyes, they cannot give you what they don't have, and that is love, Do you have the love of Christ? if your answer is yes, You can give them of that unconditional love.   "Jesus in you loves them"

Answer 7

There is nothing that I can personally say or do that will make your relationship better. It sounds like you're young. The reason why your brother might ignore you is because you're so much younger than he is and you never really had a connection with him growing up.

Even though you're blood, it make seem to him like you're just some kid who he doesn't connect with.

I would advise you to put effort into getting to know him. Offer to babysit his daughter when he goes out with his friends. Invite him and his family over for dinner that you cooked, etc.

And in all that time, find out what he likes, research it, and then bring up stuff about it here and there. You need to put in effort personally with your brother. God can help you connect with him, but as the saying goes, God helps those who help themselves.

Answer 8

I can't stand my brother, and he acts like your brother. He's always wondering why I refuse to attend any social events where he'll be present. Simple- he gets drunk and starts running down everyone else. I don't want to beat him up in front of our mother so I don't attend.

My car is a 1994 Civic which I have kept in perfect condition. I see no need to buy another when this one still operates and looks show room new. I like having 50mpg on the highway, 40 in the city.

I advise you to not worry about your brother. Tell him to stuff it. I told mine the same, in less kind words.

Answer 9

Whew don't know what to say.  But you CAN create boundaries, too.  

Don't let their put downs get to you, You KNOW you are right in the way you live.  When their lives come crashing down around them, yours will be fine and maybe their eyes will be opened.  But then, you will have to keep those boundaries and NOT GIVE THEM MONEY.

I speak from experience.  People like them have to learn by suffering the consequences of their own actions.

Build a circle of good friends.  Remember- there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. It hurts, yes, but blood relationship doesn't mean you owe him YOUR BLOOD.

Even God can't deal with anyone who is not repentant.  You may have to step back a bit. You have your OWN family to which you owe your first allegiance to now.  Your husband and children now come first, over your mom, dad and siblings. That is the way it is to be.

Answer 10

Ask God to help you. Scripture says without Christ we can do nothing pleasing to God.

Also, love is a decision and an action, not a feeling. Jesus explained it this way on the Sermon on the Mount, "I say to you, love your enemies. Do good to those who spitefully use you and mistreat you. In this way you will be like your Father in heaven, who causes the sun to shine on the just and the unjust. If you only love those who love you, how are you any different than the sinner?"

If you keep walking in love toward them, perhaps one day he will see the truth and repent. But if he doesn't, you will still know that you have pleased the Father, and that He WILL reward you for your faithfulness to His Kingdom.

God bless.

Answer 11

I'll tell you what works for me. Don't think of it as forgiveness so much as a promise not to do any specific harm, and instead of calling it love, just make it a promise not to wish any specific harm. My best advice is to tell him off and cut him out of your life and your mind. You don't have to hate to have your own peace of mind, in fact it would be detrimental, but do you really need him around?

Answer 12

i really appreciate that you post this question. what you say happen a lot in everyone life. especially when someone get separates in a family and the one that separated started his own family. i cant help you much. but i please you to call 1-800-DR LAURA.

if you live in Sacramento you can listen to channel 650 am at noon to 3pm every Monday to Friday.

Answer 13

I don't know how to answer that..but remember:

God loves all of us unconditionally, even those that reject and mock Him