I tried very hard to be a good christian but didn't measure up to the standards at all and was lost, broken, wounded, clueless, confused, scared and terribly weak. and the Lord wanted me to marry a man Terrence, a very strong christian who epitomized humility and faith and had a very strong work ethic.
I rejected him because I thought he was UGLY, overly sexualized, selfish and had too many problems (his dad tried to kill him several times, his brother beat his mother on a regular basis, there were serious black mail issues going on in his household, his sister, was dying, he had about 8 different psychological disorders) etc. He was dirt poor and had cockaroaches crawling around all over his house, he didn' t wear deoderant and chewed his nails until they bled. He thought I was "lazy" because I wouldn't get up at 5:00 in the morning everyday to do my homework and slept for more than 6 hours a day.
We became really good friends, I was almost his best friend. and I trusted him 100% and each time he hurt me, let me down and broke my trust. I was also disgusted with the fact that he idolized beautiful woman. He would work out in the gym for four hours a day to impress a S****y w***e who slept with every guy under the rough simply because she had a better body than me and got angry at me if I tried to talk to him when she was around. Then to cover the fact that he had "rejected God's will." he lied and told everyone he thought I wanted to hurt him.
He left for singapore to take care of his sister who was dying. and 3 years later (now that she's dead from cancer) he wants to return to my hometown in Canada. and I wander if I should talk to him? Will he finally acknowledge that it had been God's will for us to be together and marry me? Will he forgot about the past and see me as a friend? Will he regard me as a stranger because our friendship and bond diminished? Will he continue to spread lies about me to save his own reputation for "rejecting God's will?" I also had a nightmare that he married a woman in my university and abused her until she lost her sanity. I couldn't sleep for four days after having that dream and now that he's returning to canada it seems my dream will become reality.
Most of his friends are avoiding me because they believe the lies that he spread about me and have been avoiding me ever since he slandered me 3 years ago. so I might have to go look for him, there's no gurantee I will find him. The impresison that I got was that he was a christian when I first met him, and he needed me to believe in him and encourage him and be there for him so that he wouldn't have to be fake and turn to deception but that because I let him down by rejecting him the first time. he turned from his holy ways. and was no longer the humble, hard working, selfless, tireless, persevering, strong, loving man that he was when I first met him.
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