Christmas is still months away but I am already starting to worry.?

Question

I love Christmas and always start around now buying christmas gifts for my family. We always have a big christmas with my family and then a small one with my husbands family. The thing that has me worried is that my daughter's first two christmas she did not receive a gift from my husbands family. That never bothered me but last christmas when they came up to spend christmas with us they brought our kids gifts. My daughter who was two and half at the time received a piggy bank and a used coloring book and my son who was 10 months old was given a big riding airplane with lights a music. They did not wrap the presents so when my daughter saw this she was very excited thinking it was hers. When she went up to it my mother in law goes no abby that is not yours you cant play with it. my son who was just to little could care less about it. Anyways i could care less about gifts. she is getting older and i think she is going to start noticing the favoritism they are for some reason showing. Was she right by doing that? What is a nice way to say that i do not want us to do presents this year but instead just spend time together. They get offended really easy last time we told them that we did not want to do something my husbands mother sent him a poem she made about how horrible we are.

Answer 1

Talk to them about how they are showing favoritism and it isn't good for your daughter.  They may not even realize they are doing it.

Answer 2

Sounds like your inlaws are real dimwits. Don't sweat it, everyone can see their true colors, live your life and don't let their twisted views bother you. No one can make you miserable unless you let them.

Answer 3

Omg that is awful, your poor daughter! If thats how their going to be I wouldn't even want to see them. They are the ones being horrible. I would definitely tell them how you feel or make your husband say it if your not comfortable since it is his family.

Answer 4

First of all these are your children, NOT HERS.  She has no right to tell your daughter to wait to play with a toy.  You should be the one controlling that.  Tell her 'mom, I think the kids can play with that together.'  Then help them take turns and share.   No 2 year old should have to wait to play with a toy.  They should learn how to share and take turns.  You need to speak up a little more.  If you don't, it will just get worse.

With the present thing, man she has some nerve.  Hopefully when your son gets to be more of a tot, it will even out.  I don't know what else to say in that situation.  And what's with the mean poem?  

Answer 5

If this were me, I think I don't think I would ask them not to give your kids used gifts. Although it is cheap of them, they can say atleast they are trying. However, having said that, I would be angry that they don't treat your children equally. And I would definately be saying something about that. Who cares if the gifts are used, as long as they are both getting something of the same value and funness. (lol that's not a word I know) I would say something like "we would appreciate it if you are going to get our children gifts that they were equal, and also our children share all their toys, so don't tell my daughter she cannot play with my son's toys. If you don't want to get my children equal gifts, please just come and spend time with us and don't bring gifts for them, or buy one gift that they can share." Or something like that.  

Answer 6

That's horrible. I would tell her not to do presents this year, or instead, you could give your kids some presents while with your husbands family, so she doesn't feel left out. As long as she gets something that she would enjoy, she wouldn't care what her brother got. I feel bad for her and think you should talk to the mother in law about it. She has no right choosing favorites, and isn't being a good grandmother by doing so. Tell her if she wants to get them presents, to try and spend the same for both, and that your son doesn't need anything huge. If she gets offended, then she's not being a mature adult in the first place. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her about it, have your husband do it.

Answer 7

I would stop this now.  If they have the money to buy big gifts for your son then they should do the same for your daughter.  I would just tell them straight out that they can no longer show favoritism.  They either treat your kids as equals or don't buy anything at all.  I understand that sounds rude but sometimes that is what it calls for and it sounds like it doesn't matter what you say she is going to get mad anyway.  Your husband should be the one telling them sense they are his parents.

Answer 8

That is horrible.  I really think that it's more important for your daughter to know that she is loved and is just as important and special as your son.  Your in-laws have no right to destroy her self-esteem.  i understand that you want to keep the peace and spare their feelings.  But until they take as much consideration for your daughter as they do your son I really don't see how they can expect you to spare theirs.  They are your children and how dare she belittle your daughter all because she has some sort of complex with her.  Tell them how you feel before you tell them no gifts at Christmas.  

Were they like that with your daughter before your son was born?  If they weren't they may see it as just giving him his turn as favorite.  But that shouldn't be at the expense of your daughter's emotions and self-esteem.  

Best of luck hun... This could be a touchy situation.  But a quick resolution is hopefully available.  If they don't see the favoritism then you have to let them know that it is not okay...  

Answer 9

It's really important that the news comes from your husband, not you.  Obviously there is favouritism... and you don't want to be thrown on the outskirts along with your daughter.  Have your husband be honest, and explain that he views your daughter as a child of his too.. and that it hurts him to see this happening.  Don't make TOO big a deal out of it.. it sounds like your mother in law may be a little bit of an overreacter.. just try to put it out there.  When i was little my mother had to say something to my aunt (my god mother) about treating my sister and I fairly.  it's (somewhat) natural to favor.. just put it out there.

Answer 10

Your in-laws are either nasty or stupid people. I would ask them to treat the kids equally or to not give them gifts at all. Tell them that the kids get plenty of gifts and that the best gift would be to spend some time with them.

Their son is the one who should talk to them.