Church and child issues?

Question

My hubby grew up more into a very strict home and religous.I grew up more free spritied and raised by hippies.He wants to take our daughter to church every sunday.My daugher won't go If I don't go.I don't know how to TELL her I hate church.How do I tell a 4 yr old.why I don't want to go?

Oh..My husband is on my case about being more religous I told him the world better be ending before that will ever happen.

I feel like I'm being selfish for not going to church with them.My daugher got baptized because my husband said she had to be.I don't care about that much..I just don't want someone forcing me to attend church on a sunday.

Whenever I GO TO CHURCH..I sleep and take my pillow..so..I never even pay attention.So..should I go for the sake of my child and put my pride to the side or tell them to go without me? and follow my belief sysytem.

thanks.

Answer 1

You and your husband have the ideal situation to teach your daughter how the world is made up of people with different ideas, disagree on very important subjects and yet STILL love each other and get on.  No, you ought not to go to church if you don't agree - and to be honest if you're sleeping at it I doubt either the Minister or anyone in the Congregation would feel the need to have you there either :-D.  All you simply do is tell your daughter that you don't agree with Church but that Daddy does.  Let her know that she is being given the opportunity to go along, learn, and then when she is old enough be able to decide for herself if she wants to accept the church in her life or not.

Answer 2

Hmm, you guys should have thought about this issue befor eyou got married. You sound like a very self centered selfish, satan worshiping person. I'm only 12 but I DO know that a long time ago people put God before thereselves, and respected God and His house more than anything.

Hmm, I have a feeling you're gonna be one of those people who wait until Jesus comes to take his believers (the end of the world) to believe in God, but guess what? It'll be too late for you and everyone else like you. You NEED to go to church, a Christian church. You must be Saved and Baptized....and leave that damned pillow at home, your lack of faith bothers me. And DON'T tell your daughter that you hate church, if she likes it, then let her like it.

Answer 3

you should just go..if its something she wants to do then do it..kinda seems like you are both trying to push your beliefs on her but she will ultimately make her own choice..so just go to church and let her be happy

Answer 4

Follow your belief system, your daughter is old enough to be talked to about why mommy doesn't go to church.  We are Atheists but our children go to church with their Grandparents, if they want to go.  My daughter will tell her Grandma yes and then try to ask me to call her and tell her she changed her mind, I let her know that if she did not want to go she should have said so in the first place, that Grandma won't be angry, she won't be, and that she made a commitment and she needs to stick to it.  

Stick to your beliefs, yours are just as valid as his, and you have just as much right to teach your daughter your point of view as he does.  You shouldn't feel guilty for feeling how you do.

Answer 5

Why don't you compromise and go every other sunday? That way your husband can be happy you go and your child can see you go (making hubby happy). Maybe if your child and you both go every other sunday it's a good compromise too. It doesn't feel good to give up what you believe just because someone wants you to--you should do what you feel right about--and maybe you could feel good about a compromise.

Answer 6

You need to exam in your relationship with God. Hippie or not you need to see what you believe because obviously you are missing out on one of the greatest love that you can NEVER find anywhere else except from the Lord. I think it is incredibly important to figure this out ASAP for the sake of your child. Otherwise she may end up blindly missing out on the besst thing that could have ever happened to her because you didn't explore it.

So either way just take some time and examine it actually listen and don't sleep and you might be surprised what you hear!

Bless you and your family

Answer 7

Given the fact that your daughter is only four, I wouldn't focus too much on explaining why you choose not to go.  If she enjoys going, you might just ruin it for her by expressing your views.  Maybe you could try going just for her sake if she wants you to.  We as parents have to make sacrifices for our children from time to time.  I'm not saying you have to change your beliefs and become a holy roller bible thumper.  I'm just saying it's okay to indulge your daughter for now.

Answer 8

There are three things that can drive a marriage apart if you are not cautious: money, children, and religion. Unfortunately religion is a touchy topic for a lot of couples. It should have been discussed before you got married so that it could be worked around. I would go to church with an open mind and go every once in a while even though you may not like it but because it is something your husband finds important. Just explain to your daughter that as an adult you have certain thing you can choose to do or not to do and that she will have the same choices when she is older.

Answer 9

you are free to your own opinion, and obviously i am taking it that your hubby knew about this before marriage?? HE needs to respect your decision-but YOU need to compromise on your daughter. is it actually hurting her to go to church and see what it means? no. will she have a basis to form her own opinion when she gets a little older? yes. your hubby was raised that way and decided to follow that path. she might very well do the same or choose a different spiritual outlet. i would make her go-whether she wanted to or not. letting her make her own decision in something like this shows her that mom & dad are not together. that will cause other problems later, as far as doing what she is told to do when you DON'T give her a choice. she is too young to choose this decision. i would stay home if you feel that strongly and tell her she will go period. you don't have to explain anything she is too young to deal with the ins & outs of religion now anyway. shell forget in an hour. i definitely wouldn't continue to take a pillow and sleep. it shows disrespect to your husbands choice, and quite frankly, he should be embarassed. this will also show her that even though you 2 don't agree-you will work through it in the best way that benifits her- good luck!

Answer 10

You guys should of thought about the "religious" issue before you got married.  You are also in a scary place in your life you sound like a pretty selfish person.  God forbid that you would wait until the world is ending to think more about God.

People used to have respect for the house of God and your there bringing your Pillow!!!  Dang that is pretty self-centered if you ask me.  You need to give Jesus a chance, after all He did die for you.  I don't know what kind of church your husband goes to but you need to find one that preaches Jesus and then pay attention.  Life and Death are for real and what comes after it too!!  I will be praying for you.

Answer 11

I would make an effort to do it.. I do not see how you and your husband are together with such different beleifs. I know opposites attract, but I just don't understand this. You have to choose for yourself. For the sake of your marriage and child, I would at least make an effort to go and learn

Answer 12

Okay. I think 1) if you are going to go to church even if strictly for the surface appearance of your family that you should not take your pillow but should try to get something out of the message and more or less not be so obvious about your disdain -- only sayin.  2) You have every right not to go but I assume you talked about your religious differences with your husband before you got married or at least while you were pregnant and decided then how your daughter would be raised -- right?  

If not...

I do not think as an adult you should go if you are going solely because you are being forced to go.

I think your husband should be allowed to take your daughter and expose her to his belief system at the very least -- if she is exposed to different things she will be able to make her own choice when she is older -- if that is your goal. And the difference between your belief and your husbands will probably be enough diversity to expose her to.

So...let your husband take her -- even help get her dressed and whatever -- and don`t go except for Christmas and Easter and any time she is getting a little award pin or bible or reciting something or singing in front -- then go because it is your daughter and she will be very cute.

I don`t think you are selfish for not going if you truly have a different belief system. There are many dual-faith households in the world and they do fine by respecting one another`s differences.

I think you are selfish for making a big deal out of the few times you go and taking your pillow and acting like it is a huge crisis that you took an hour out of your day.

I have a friend who is an atheist. His wife is a devout Catholic. She desperately wanted their daughters raised in the Catholic church and school. He did not care and in fact preferred the private parochial school to the public government one due to his libertarian tendencies. He would accompany the family to mass on Sundays and would listen to the priest`s message from a historical point of view.

He would never devalue Catholicism in front of the girls but would say he personally does not believe in God and respects their mother`s belief system and desire to raise them that way.

I think that is the way you should approach it ideally but if you really cannot stand church you should actually not go and let it be your husband`s thing to raise your daughter in his faith while you can talk to her at home about why you believe what you do and why and exist as an egalitarian dual-faith household.

The daughter will be fine.

Answer 13

Wow - didn't this stuff ever come up before you got married????

Answer 14

This is a very tough question.

I have to say though that there is no reason why your opinion

of not going to church is just as valuable as his opinion of going to church. Religious an non religious are equal in their opposites. Your chil is not old enough to have a clue what religion is all ablout so in a way it's a form of brainwashing.

I would stick to my guns and have the conversation with the chil about what she wants to do when she is old enough to unerstand. Also, who is to say that your husbands beliefs are the right ones? if your husband was brought up hindu he would be hindu ect.

One more thing. Why are you going to church when you do not believe? What are you teaching your kid by not standing up for your own beliefs?

Answer 15

What is your daughter doing at church?   The thing that makes children WANT to go to church is a fun-filled Sunday school.   If your daughter doesn't want to go to church, then that suggests that your church is not providing an age appropriate curriculum for your child.  Perhaps you and your husband need to take a close look at the church you are attending and ask whether there is another church that meets your family's needs and is a positive experience for your four year old daughter.

What your husband wants is important, of course.  However, what you want is also important.    Your husband knew when he married you that you do not go to church.  This is no surprise to him.  His disingenuous insistence that you go to church now is very disrespectful of you.   If your husband wants your four year old child to go to church with him, it is up to him to make that experience a positive one for your child, so that your child wants to go with him.    In other words, this is his problem to solve.   You should not allow him to make this your problem.  You have been completely honest about your own religious beliefs and practices, and you have compromised much more than he has by allowing your child to be brought up in his religious beliefs.  The rest is up to him.

How often does he miss church for your sake?   If you are going to church for his sake, then he needs to be missing it for your sake.  If you are the one who is always 'compromising' on this issue, then there is a definite problem, and you are not the one creating the problem.

I am disturbed about your statement that your husband is "on your case' about being more religious.   It is very possible that that is his primary objective, and he is manipulating this situation with your daughter to put more pressure on you, to make you feel guilty, in order to coerce you into attending his church.  He is trying to use your love for your child, and your love for your husband, to make you do something that you do not want to do, something that does not feel right to you.   When he married you, he accepted you as you were.  It is wrong for him to try to change you now.

I find your situation very troubling.  Your husband should respect you, and he is showing a great deal of disrespect for your beliefs and trying to coerce you into doing things that you are not comfortable with.  That is not an act of love.     Your husband's inability to accept your religious beliefs could easily place your marriage in jeopardy.  

Marriage counselling might be the appropriate place to sort this situation out.

Answer 16

I think for the sake of your 4 y/o you need to grow up a little. You can't even sit through a service without bringing your pillow? I can't imagine what people think when they see that. Maybe negotiate and say that you'll go at least once a month.

Answer 17

You need to make that choice for yourself.  But it can and will become a huge issue in your marriage if the struggle continues.  Religion is a huge wedge that can drive a family a part.  

If I were you, I would make a solid effort to try it.  Go with an open mind and try to see what you husband sees in it and why it is important to him.  Once you have given the "life style" a try you can make an honest educated decision.  Who knows maybe you will like it once you give it a fair chance.

Answer 18

These are issues that you and your husband should have discussed BEFORE getting married..If your husband wants to go to church every sunday, let him take your daughter by himself. It isn't something that you should be forced or feel obligated to do. In fact, that's why I quit going to church...I got sick of spending an hour every weekend with a bunch of people that didn't really want to be there (me included).