Clashing with my Dad

Question

I moved to a different state a few weeks ago. My mom took me to my new high school a few days later, where I immediately asked about summer work. Well, I got it. It's the most summer work I've ever had in my life! Anyway, one of the projects I'm required to do is create five working theses for an english class book. I've never done this before (at least not in english). So, I emailed my english teacher and asked her what I'm supposed to do for english theses. She replied that I should focus on my other work and wait to ask her about it in class.

My dad told me to work on my theses, and I told him what she had said. To my surprise, he immediately started yelling at me about weaseling out of work! He told me I was manipulative and that I was constantly disappointing him. I told him that I didn't ask to get out of work, and even showed him the email, but to no avail. He is furious.

My question is, how do I get him to understand? This fight is taking it's toll on the household. It's got to end.

Answer 1

  Is it a possibility that your father could have been having a bad day we all have them) or going through something that caused him to over-react at the time? I'm not condoning his behavior or what he said to you but I think there's a very good possibility that he's regretting his behavior toward you and if he's like a lot of men, he just doesn't know quite how to express it. Try to cut your dad a little bit of slack. I'm sure your education is very important to him and there's a chance that it was a misguided attempt to motivate you. Many men have a hard time communicating with their daughters in general so try not to take it too personally. Nobody's perfect and parents are entitled to an occasional mistake as are we all. Give him the benefit of the doubt this time, try to act as normally as possible and maybe he will follow suit. Good luck.

Answer 2

Unless your father has a major chemical imbalance, he's probably reacting to this situation based on previous situations. Building trust and earning credibility from parents can be an EXHAUSTING endeavor. You can learn a lot about dealing with bosses and managers by figuring out how to play the game of life by your dad's rules. As long as you are certain of your pure intentions, continue to look forward. No sense in fighting since you are right, right? He'll figure it out in the long run.

If your father is anything like my father, he has too high of standards and expectations for you. As much as this sounds like a negative thing right now, it may benefit you in some ways in the future.