Clingy parents?

Question

Parents who volunteer are great, but how do you deal with the ones who never seem to leave? We have one parent who volunteers everyday, all day, and it's becoming a problem. His four year old son's routine is thrown off and his behavior has gotten worse because of his father's presence.

Answer 1

Be kind and tell the parent the truth. Parents, especially with their first child are learning and want to know how they can help their children the most. This little boy can share his parent for a short time but then he needs some time to do his own job of learning in the classroom. Be appreciative but you want the child to have the most benefits from his preschool years. You might want to ask the parent first how he feels it is working for his son when he volunteers in the room so often. If he thinks it might be better for the child to learn self sufficiency with less parent time in the classroom. I never like to over ride a parents authority unless there is a physical reason. Good luck!

Answer 2

I would tell him straight that he is affecting his son's learning & behaviour.

If you feel unable to be truthful with him, then why not tell him that although you really appreciate his help it is unfair to let him do all the volunteering (!) so you are limiting all parents to say four hours a week (or whatever works for you) to make everyone else do their share.  That way he will feel he has been a help.

Though honestly, for his sake and for his son's, I'd calmly tell him the truth.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I would try and talk with the person the that person that his sons learning is getting affected

Answer 4

Oh dear - you might have to have a frank talk with the parent.  It has to be obvious to the parent that his child is not behaving.  You can tell him that Johnny doesn't usually act like that and you are surprised.  Can you put the parent volunteer in another room to help out with something there?  Some children just do not do their best work when their parent is right there - it makes them clingy to the parent and they get nothing out of their day.  We have parent volunteers as well but only one per day and when we find out that parent's child does not react well, we don't ask them back again!

Answer 5

I think Dee makes a good point.  Our preschool has a volunteer policy in that all parents are required to volunteer 10 hours per year, so this is an issue we've seen before... and you're right, it's not an easy one.  It depends on your relationship with the parent how you should handle it - if you are comfortable just telling him so, the best way (in my opinion) is to simply tell him what you just typed.  Tell him it's the best thing in the world that he volunteers and helps and that the help is really appreciated but that it is affecting his son's behavior.  I would point out specific changes like, "Normally he will choose to play in the blocks center with his friends and will spend at least 20 minutes working in the center, but I've noticed that when he knows you're here, he cannot focus on an activity for more than 5 minutes at a time."  Something along those lines.  And Dee's right in that it's better to say something than do nothing, so if you don't feel comfortable spelling out the truth, you could... redirect, as we call it :-)  You certainly could ask your principal/director to intervene also.  Another thing we have our parents do (this is usually if they don't have time to come in during the day) is work on supporting things in their home - assemble furniture, sewing projects like slipcovers, puppets, stuffed animals... Use the parent's strengths to suggest specific things.  And, yes, I think it is A-ok to put a limit on volunteer hours.

Most importantly, make sure to mention how much the help is appreciated!

I would have to disagree with what Choqs said though, about the authority figure in the classroom.  I do agree that the teacher is an authority figure, but parents are a child's first teacher.  Don't turn this into a power struggle.  I think if you were to tell a parent that you are more important in a classroom than they are... well, it would not end up pretty.  I do  agree, though, that it is worth talking to the parent.

Good luck and kudos for working in a field that makes such a difference in the future of a child's life :-)

Answer 6

well maybe the father has a reason for all this, you know honey i was a clingy parent at one time, And i had so many reasons and they were all good ones, Later on i left and move on to another school after they told me i was too clingy, but then they all found out that i had very good reasons after all, I was the parent who always was there one half hour or even hour before my child got out of school, I was right there at the dorr waiting for him to come out, i know single file, but i snatched him up anyways in the middle of single file at end of the day, Then i was at the class room looking in and as soon as a the bell ring i hightailed it to my kids desk and picked him up, I know i was the onoly parent, But you see i was so afraid that my drug addict husband would snatch him up before me, and we had family promblems, and I was told to move to another city to start over a new life, and with my ex husband being this way, i got so defensive and very over protective of my son, I never told the school, I even voulunteered also, and but they fired me because i wasnt paying attention to other students other then my son, Thats when i moved, when i finally told the school what was happening with my family, they said it was a good idea to move away because of my sons behavior he also actred like he was the owner of the school, and that he can do anything he wants to do, after i moved then things changed after he grew up, I think he must have good reasons for all of this, ask him?

Answer 7

How about getting her a position in the office (copies even), sick room?  Ask the principal to intervene in this one for you.

Answer 8

I would approach him thank him for all his interest in being involved but explain it is time his son learned a little independence. Then if there is another room he might help in I'd have already spoken to teacher and tell him how welcome his help would be there. Even if it was for some of the days and not all. It might help.

If this doesn't help you might have to bite the bullet and be more direct. Tell him you've noticed his son's behaviour isn't quite what it used to be. Suggest that his son may have gotten too comfortable with his presence in the class all day. Tell him it is important that in the class you are the authority figure and because Dad is there so much the son is looking at him as the authority figure and acting as though he was at home. Tell him the child must understand that the rules in the class are different from the rules at home and it is difficult for the child to understand that with Dad there all the time.

I hope my suggestions help. I know no teacher want to discourage parents from volunteering, they are invaluable.