Coarsed to parent..?

Question

Can a mom be coarsed into parenting their child even though they want to place their baby for adoption.

MY bestfriend in highscool got pregnant for the 3rd time when she was 18 and the third child was not with the same dad as the first two. She wanted to place the baby for adoption for many reasons. 1-she had two kids already, 2- she didn't have a job or child support 3- his dad was a man other than her B.F.

when she announced that she was interviewing every long lost relative called and offered to thake him, but most of her friends BEGGED her to not do it... they just wanted a nother baby doll to pass around. Her mother said she would disown her if she did it and her B.F.then said he would be daddy to him.

So she was pressured into parenting and did. after chatching up with her on myspace I found that she relinquished ALL of her children. 1 to his father and 2 are in foster care. She never wanted to be a mom, but loved the attention she got when she was 15 and pregnant.

Answer 1

wow your friend sounds really confused ! i didn't understand your question, but your friend needs to get psychiatric help so she can move forward in life.......................edit... oh thanks to kreepys question i get it. no you really can never get someone to do whats right. this is a decision people need to come to on their own & if you try you may loose your friend.

Answer 2

did you mean coerced?

Answer 3

although i am not in favor of the current practice of coercing pregnant women who are ambivalent about parenting into relinquishment; i am also not in favor of ANY type of reproductive health coercion.  that includes, coercing women to have abortions and coercing women into parenting who choose not to.

in addition, i also strongly believe that if people (gender inclusive) do NOT wish to parent, they should be a bit more diligent regarding birth control. unfortunately, women get the raw end of this phenomena.  yet, how many men do we see that get women pregnant and walk away. although i do support reproductive choice, i do not support people who truly do not wish to parent being irresponsible for their family planning... children shouldn't have to suffer by being taken away from their families because mom and dad were not responsible.

this situation is truly tragic.  ps.. these are the children most believe need to be adopted, btw...

Answer 4

LOL  floridagal, are you typing in the bath again?  LOL  I remember you saying that before and that's what causes your typos - it really made me giggle

Sorry, not much help answering the question.  Yes, vulnerable and easily led people can are coerced in many areas of life

(Still giggling - sorry!)

Answer 5

Women need to be presented with all of their options.  Providing counseling that would present these options with no bias would be wonderful, wouldn't it?

I don't believe anyone should be coerced into parenting or into relinquishing.  Your friend does sound like she needs some counseling now do deal with the aftermath of all that has occurred and to help her with her future.

Answer 6

I think many women over the years have been coerced into parenting. But, if she did not feel like she was being a good mother and never wanted to be a mother - maybe the children are best where they are now. No child should ever feel unwanted, and it sounds like she was a really stupid teenager. I know someone just like her, and she is pregnant and has one out of two children she has already had. She is horrible, and should never have been able to have children. But, the first one is my niece and I adore her.

But, I do not think a woman should be pressured into keeping a child that she does not want - its not fair to the woman or the child. Your friend sounds like a very irresponsible person who needs to grow up.

Answer 7

Yup, in my eyes there can be coercion to parent. I was "infertile" and then I was pregnant. I had resolved my issues over not having more children and to be really honest I was very ok with the idea for the most part. When I got pregnant with my youngest the last thing I wanted was to start raising babies again at 28. Her dad made a bunch of fantasy like promises and I ended up continuing the pregnancy. He backed out of everything. I have had to squeeze the smallest things out of him for our daughter. Now don't mistake this for me not loving my daughter or wanting her. She is very much loved and wanted now, it was the pregnancy I didn't want in the beginning. I believed her father's lies and took it to heart when he said he would be there to raise her even if we weren't together. I feel trapped by him at times. I am the one making the sacrifices and doing all the work while he builds a new family with his new woman, leaving his daughter in the cold while he raises his "new" children. At the same time, I get the hugs and kisses and all the joy of parenting this amazing little girl. In the end it works in my favour and I am thankful that I chose to have her but... there is a nagging voice in the back of my head that still screams "not fair" no matter how blessed I may feel.

Answer 8

I think this actually happens more than people want to admit. (It is the same old stigma that makes women think if they do not want children something is wrong with the) and can be as detrimental to a child as abandonment. I see lots of children wasting away in hospitals who are unofficially abandoned but whose mothers refuse to sign the necessary papers for fear of the consciences they will face by their family and their church. I would rather a child be abandoned any day then so obviously unwanted, unloved and abused. Being placed for adoption is better on a child then years of abuse at the hands of a mother who was forced to parent. But than again you never know what mothers will turn out to be wonderful mothers who love and treasure their children and what mothers will burn them with cigarettes and allow their boyfriends to molest them year after year.

Answer 9

i don't think you can be coerced into being a parent, you either want to be one or you don't.  Her children are are probably better off now and when she was pregnant at 15 she should have gotten help from outside sources.  But like you said she liked the attention she got.  What bothers me about all of this is she raised 2 kids until she got pregnant and delivered her 3rd baby just to give them all away.

She probably felt like she mised out on her teen yrs and lots of her youth and thought the only way she could get it back was to get rid of her kids, sadly in 20yrs from now she will regret giving her kids away so easily.  Why wasn't anyone teaching her about birth control and didn't she understand after baby #1 that unprotected s*x equals babies.

Answer 10

I think that choosing to parent or choosing to give up your child are very personal decisions to be made by you and you alone. Same rules apply to any female. No one should ever be pressured into doing something they may not want to do, including parenting. There are so many families out there who would love nothing more than to have a baby, and adoption helps them make that dream come true.

I think its very possible your friend was coarsed into parenting that last baby and her relinquishing the rights to all 3 is the end result. I hope she finds peace within herself someday.

Answer 11

Sadly, I think coercion exists in everything, including coercing people to parent as well as coercing people to relinquish their children.  Unfortunately, whenever there is a decision to be made about anything in life, someone is always going to be there and try to convince you that you are wrong.