Colleagues at work when they go out include some people and exclude others from their plans, is that nasty?

Question

also i often hear others say things like "I really miss so and so" every conversation, is this boring and pathetic as my line manager seems to thinks it is

Answer 1

I used to work in a very "clique-y" company.  The department that I worked in only had 5 people.  The supervisor would start talking about going out in the evening, dinner or drinks or something, and then she would make a point to ask everyone else if they were going.  (She and I never, but NEVER, got along.)  I didn't let it bother me, though - I picked up the phone, called my husband, and asked if he wanted to go to the restaurant the supervisor mentioned.  He said yes, so I hung up the phone and said, "Cool, hubby and I will be a little late because you guys are leaving at 5 and he won't pick me up until 5:20, but we'll see you shortly."  (We only had one car back in the old days.)

Superivisor's jaw dropped and she said, "You mean YOU'RE going?"

I just smiled real sweetly and said, "Well of course, Kathy, I wouldn't dream of missing a departmental get-together."

It took about 4 times of that before she got smart enough to realize that if you aren't inviting everyone, you don't discuss and make your plans in the office.  ESPECIALLY if it's a supervisor who is doing the planning and is intentionally leaving someone out.

I worked at 2 companies in the 5 years we lived in Indianapolis, and the employees were like that at both companies.  We moved to North Carolina, and it's been extremely rare that people act like that at work.  

Answer 2

I wouldn't say it's nasty but I would say it's pathetic.

We have quite a few cliques like this at work and I'll admit that I was in one of them. When I realised how some of our co-workers felt about not being included I tried to get the rest of the guys to invite everyone, but it just never happened and bee-otchyness won out. In the end I started to distance myself from the clique and as a result I no longer get invited to anything by them. I'm a little saddened by their attitude but on the other hand, the people in those cliques can't even seem to function normally without the rest of them around and I"m happy that I'm doing the right thing by not excluding anyone, so I'm not really that fussed :)

Answer 3

Work is just like everything else; you have co-workers with whom you share common interests, and others with whom you do not.  You're not in high school anymore.

Answer 4

its called a "click"

Answer 5

Works 'dos' are always difficult. As an ex-pat they are especially difficult. I once organised a get together for my husband's colleagues. We lived in a flat and we had invited about 30 people. The night before, in the pub, someone whom I barely knew came up to me and said, 'I think you've forgotten to invite someone.' I said I thought that was unlikely and he mentioned a name which I had never heard before.

Before the days of satellite TV, we used to have a regular 'English' TV night. My sister-in-law sent the video cassettes and it was understood that out guests brought their own booze. One evening I heard a newcomer saying, 'I don't see why we have to bring our own beer. He (my husband) gets paid for this.' I have no idea where that came from, and it wasn't true, but I stopped it then and there.

When we were in Australia, we had a swimming pool and people from the team who lived in the same area used to come round on Sunday afternoon. Our 'lord and master', the project leader, who had chosen to live about an hour's drive away, got wind of this and suggested I organise an open day for the whole team. When I said I would do it, but that I knew he had an 'entertainment allowance', all he said was, 'You'll get it back in the end.'

In Hong Kong my husband thought it would be a good idea for 'us' to rent a junk for a day. So I did. He then thought it would be a good idea if 'we' provided the food. Which I did.

Back in 'home' in Switzerland I organised traditional Chritsmas dinners for at least five years, for about 100 people. I 'smuggled' the Christmas puddings into Switzerland and on one occasion I even purchased and stuffed the bloody turkeys.

They were great times, but I'm sure there were some people who were not invited and felt affronted.

Answer 6

yes it is, but do you really want to spend your free time with those idiots?

Answer 7

If you have a group of people together,the consensus is often less than high minded.The larger the group the lower minded it goes.Because of this l have always cultivated friendships in smaller groups as you get greater honesty and less hatred.

Excluding someone,gives those people a sense of power,as they hurt that person's feelings who is excluded.

Go with the flow when in these groups,but retain your own humanity

Answer 8

It is quite rude and rather jr highish.  If it is a work related thing, everyone should be involved.  If some people want to go out, that's fine, but they need to make their plans away from work.  Also, constantly saying you miss someone is whiney and pathetic.  

Answer 9

It's nasty if you're one of the excluded and you'd like to be included. It's probably natural not to include everyone, particularly to events some may not be interested in. However, it can be hurtful to be left out. You could let the person or persons who organise the outings that you would be interested in going. If you are still not included try not to take it personally, they are just being thoughtless.