College/Future help?

Question

Luckily, I'm not going to be living at home this fall since I'm going to DePaul. However, my mom wants me to come home every weekend--and I really don't want to do that (even if it's about 45 minutes away.) She wants to control everything I do--getting mad at me if I don't tan. I simply do not want to tan. My dad is horrible to me calling me a s*****k and trying to find more reasons to make me feel miserable. The problem is my parents are paying for my dorm and tuition, and I'm scared that they'll threaten not to pay if I don't want to come over the weekend. I got 7,500 from FAFSA and 3,500 unsubsidized loan. However, the school cost total is 39,000, and I only have 10,500 covered. They offered me a complete loan but my mom wants to pay. How can I pay for it by myself if this happens? Is there a way? And how can I not be bothered by my mom trying to control everything I do, and my dad being rude (telling me to DO SOMETHING) since I don't go out much--I like to do things at home.

Answer 1

Try to enforce the fact that it's your life, you're growing older and it is now YOUR time to go out and make your OWN decisions.  I mean, even with the tanning, that's great that you don't want to.  Tell you mom that she should be proud that you are making a healthy decision for yourself.  Plus, it's your life and you're an adult now.

As to the coming home each weekend thing, does she not realize how expensive that is?  In gas and such?

And why would she not take advantage of a loan?  You're like many other people, so many of us can't afford college at all, and so far you have an awesome amount covered.  I'm thinking if you have to pay for it all by yourself you're just going to have to get a job and do the best you can, and it will take awhile since it's a lot to pay off.

Answer 2

39K a year for college is ludicrous for someone who cant afford it.  If you want control of all aspects of your life, find a school you can attend on the 7,500 fafsa and the 3,500 grants and loans.  MANY state community colleges tuition is less than 3000 a YEAR and some even have dorms.

Look into one in-state, but far enough away from the folks to keep them from showing up every weekend.  Taking control of your life will take sacrifice and it won't be easy, but if you are paying for it, then there is nothing they can do to stop you.  (Except maybe refuse to provide their tax info on the fafsa form every year for you, preventing you from getting any kind of federal aid, ... so don't get too cocky.)

Do you REALLY want to put up with this for the next FOUR years?  what happens if they don't like a new boyfriend or you get pregnant.  I would seriously reconsider your choice of schools unless  you want to be putting up with this and WHEN NOT IF this thing blows up on you, you'll wind up being a college dropout with nothing to show for it because daddy refused to pay for your senior year and it's too late for you to transfer to a cheaper school.

Don't go to depaul, it's their way of controlling you even more even longer.

Answer 3

I suggest you compromise. Tell your parents that, although you would like to see them often, you don't want to come home every weekend, as you may want to see friends who live in that area, or some weekends you will have work to do. I don't think your parents will stop paying, they're not going to ruin their childs education and future, just because she doesn't want to come home every weekend.

Answer 4

I can say that you sound much more mature than your parents are giving you credit for.  And your mom wanting you to tan thing is just wierd and your father is mean.  Has he always been mean or is this some type of withdraw or empty nest sydrome he is going thru?

Either way, I come from a middle class family and my parents couldn't afford for me to go to school so I paid for it myself.  I'm sure you can to. You said you were already approved of a full loan, so go ahead and accept it.  Also look into student work programs at your university, if they have one it will help you cover food cost and other things.  If not just find yourself a part-time job that is not stressfull. Like be a cashier at a clothing store for 20 hours a week.  You'll get great discounts and still be able to save money to pay your loan back and buy food and stuff. Some loans include meal plans to so look into that as well.

Trust me 20 hours a week at a job isn't the end of the world.  You get to meet new people and take your mind off of all that work those professors love to give. It's a good way NOT to worry about school and its good to have some sort of work experience anyways. I workfull time and still pass my classes.

Doing this is a big step to your own freedom and independance. Your parents may not like it at first, but will admire you later for doing so.  If they still insist they want to help pay for it, let them know your doing it own your own, but if they'd like to make a few payments they are more than welcome to, but not obligated to.  Also know that you have a good amount of time to pay those loans back, so don't freak out.  The intrest rates are usually really good to and you usually don't start paying on it until you find a job or after so many months after graduation.  If you pay just 20-50 a month now before it is due after you graduate, you will have taken out a huge chunk of your loan with minimal effort.  Good luck and stick with it!

Answer 5

Freedom just feels sooo good doesn't it?

I understand you must be happy to finally have your own crib and ready to start you life; however, did you forget its kinda like your parents job to make you feel guilty about your bad decisions?  Hey they're there to make you feel good about yourself when your feelin down too.  

Hunny, you have it good!  You don't wanna suffer financially, and you certainly don't wanna ruin the relationship between you and your parents.  

selfish are we?  If visiting them on the weekends is a lot to ask for, well maybe you can visit every other weekend.  Hopefully they're understand with schools and exam days.  

Good Luck and I wish you the best.  I've been through a similar situation, so feel free to contact me if you wanna talk about it sum more.

Answer 6

I go to DePaul and it's a great school, I think you will really really like it there.  I don't suggest you switch schools just to go to a cheaper one.  However, once you are away at DePaul, your parents will probably lighten up.  They will start to get used to you being on your own, it might just take them a few weeks to get accustomed to it.  My advice is to join a club or study group or something so that you have a legitimate excuse to stay in the city on the weekends.  Even though you are afraid your parents will threaten to cut you off, chances are that your education is important to them and they won't.  Good luck!